The Purse: Unpacking Femme Privilege

Lady_Wu · 06-17-2010, 05:14 PM

I grew up in a privileged world. Most of my parents friends were either gay or bi, so when I came out that was no big deal. My mother looked more butch than most of the butches I knew in school. She was bi and had a femme girlfriend. I also grew up in an upper-class environment. My parents had graduate degrees; most of our friends were doctors, professors, and the people who ran the county. I came out when I was in my first year of Jr. High. I went on to get a graduate degree at a State University but spent a year in grad school at an Ivy League College. I've managed a bookstore, taught Philosophy at a University, and been a librarian for years. THAT was my privilege.
As far as passing as a femme, I COULD have but chose not to do so. I also made it clear to those around me that I was a queer femme. This could have thrown me out of straight society, but my upper-class up-bringing and "air of education" seemed to prevent this but being femme DID get me thrown of lesbian society more than a few times. I was stopped at bars and coffeehouses for being straight. I wore skirts and dresses rather than the "uniform" of flannel shirts and jeans. My hair, short enough to be a bhikkhuni's, was accompanied by make-up and perfume. I knew enough about b/f dynamics to hope that one day I would meet a butch who wanted a high femme one day. Finally I did, and my world was complete.
I realize that I was extremely lucky to have grown up in the environment that I did and to have been given the education that I had. To this day, according to my two husbands, I still have that aura of high class about me. I don't flaunt it , nor do I apologize for it. I am who I am. I don't think that I am better than anyone else b/c of this, nor do I think I am less. I am very queer where I live: queer, femme, Taoist/Tibetan Buddhist, Asian in my outlook, bookish, intellectual, outspoken in a place where most women aren't, my dresses don't look like anyone elses's, etc I realize that I might get slammed for this extended statement of who I am, but be that as it may.
Lady_Wu

06-17-2010, 05:14 PM	#13
Lady_Wu Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Queer Stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: M'Lady Relationship Status: given up looking sigh Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: somewhere buried under a pile of books Posts: 197 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 285 Thanked 300 Times in 105 Posts Rep Power: 155956	Re: my privilege I grew up in a privileged world. Most of my parents friends were either gay or bi, so when I came out that was no big deal. My mother looked more butch than most of the butches I knew in school. She was bi and had a femme girlfriend. I also grew up in an upper-class environment. My parents had graduate degrees; most of our friends were doctors, professors, and the people who ran the county. I came out when I was in my first year of Jr. High. I went on to get a graduate degree at a State University but spent a year in grad school at an Ivy League College. I've managed a bookstore, taught Philosophy at a University, and been a librarian for years. THAT was my privilege. As far as passing as a femme, I COULD have but chose not to do so. I also made it clear to those around me that I was a queer femme. This could have thrown me out of straight society, but my upper-class up-bringing and "air of education" seemed to prevent this but being femme DID get me thrown of lesbian society more than a few times. I was stopped at bars and coffeehouses for being straight. I wore skirts and dresses rather than the "uniform" of flannel shirts and jeans. My hair, short enough to be a bhikkhuni's, was accompanied by make-up and perfume. I knew enough about b/f dynamics to hope that one day I would meet a butch who wanted a high femme one day. Finally I did, and my world was complete. I realize that I was extremely lucky to have grown up in the environment that I did and to have been given the education that I had. To this day, according to my two husbands, I still have that aura of high class about me. I don't flaunt it , nor do I apologize for it. I am who I am. I don't think that I am better than anyone else b/c of this, nor do I think I am less. I am very queer where I live: queer, femme, Taoist/Tibetan Buddhist, Asian in my outlook, bookish, intellectual, outspoken in a place where most women aren't, my dresses don't look like anyone elses's, etc I realize that I might get slammed for this extended statement of who I am, but be that as it may. Lady_Wu __________________ I'm the Yin in the Yang and the Yang in the Yin.