Open Letter: Dear Femme

[Bit]

Originally Posted by T D

I'd like to know exactly what you mean by "male centric"

That's a huge question, TD, and may take a long time to answer, if we can ever completely define it at all. For a start--a very oversimplified start--the general idea is that we have all been socialized to equate "male" with "best, most worthy" and "female" with "least, unworthy" and so we bring that into our interactions in everyday life and online both, equating Butch with male and therefore devaluing Femme. The trick is to understand when we are doing that, and why... sometimes when one or the other of us points it out, it's very hard on people who are not used to being analytical or who haven't taken women's studies classes, because they don't have the frame of reference they need to see it properly--they can often get offended and hurt by other people's attempts to explain. It can be hard to create a community culture that is understandable to everyone given our different backgrounds and educations.

[Bit]

There is SO MUCH to answer in this thread and I am already four pages behind; I hope y'all will be patient as I bring up posts from pages back.

About Butch participation in Femme threads? I prefer the support also---BUT please, let's keep this thread from turning into a flirt thread when the tension mounts? That has always annoyed me when it has happened to threads I was posting in and I hope we won't do it here.

[T D]

Originally Posted by Bit

That's a huge question, TD, and may take a long time to answer, if we can ever completely define it at all. For a start--a very oversimplified start--the general idea is that we have all been socialized to equate "male" with "best, most worthy" and "female" with "least, unworthy" and so we bring that into our interactions in everyday life and online both, equating Butch with male and therefore devaluing Femme. The trick is to understand when we are doing that, and why... sometimes when one or the other of us points it out, it's very hard on people who are not used to being analytical or who haven't taken women's studies classes, because they don't have the frame of reference they need to see it properly--they can often get offended and hurt by other people's attempts to explain. It can be hard to create a community culture that is understandable to everyone given our different backgrounds and educations.

Thanks bit, your response is greatly appreciated, and certainly makes sense.