The Loft: Butches and Femmes in their 40s, 50s and over.

[ruthie14]

Originally Posted by Jet

Sorry Ruthie,
but I don't get why you're upset. Did she tell you at the onset that she wanted a relationship and then changed her story? Can u just date and have a good time without commitments? If I'm way off the mark, it's because I don't see the issue with her not wanting a relationship. jus' sayin'

Well, my own 2 cents is.... that if you are NOT ready for a relationship.. then you should NOT be dating. Dating to me means that you are trying to find someone who you might want a LTR with. Doesn't mean you will find them, or that you won't date ppl that you don't fit with. That is to be expected. We met on a dating site and , quite frankly, I wasn't really sure we were going to date at all. I was perfectly content to do the friend thing and get to know her. She made the approach, wanting to call it dating, sexy talk, asking questions that, INHO , you ask a potential partner, not a friend. She kept asking for sleep overs and when push came to shove, well, she just wanted to sleep and nothing more. If she just wanted a friend or a cuddlepartner... then just tell me. I would have let her know that friendship would be fine but anything more leads to gfs for me. I am always upfront with how I am. No pretense. No games. If I like you, I like you, If I don't , I don't lead you to believe otherwise. I dunno, maybe time will give me a perspective I just can't see in this moment. Right now I am confused and hurt. Hard to look to much beyond that right now.

[cuddlyfemme]

Night night Lofters...sleep well

[Jet]

Originally Posted by ruthie14

Well, my own 2 cents is.... that if you are NOT ready for a relationship.. then you should NOT be dating. Dating to me means that you are trying to find someone who you might want a LTR with. Doesn't mean you will find them, or that you won't date ppl that you don't fit with. That is to be expected. We met on a dating site and , quite frankly, I wasn't really sure we were going to date at all. I was perfectly content to do the friend thing and get to know her. She made the approach, wanting to call it dating, sexy talk, asking questions that, INHO , you ask a potential partner, not a friend. She kept asking for sleep overs and when push came to shove, well, she just wanted to sleep and nothing more. If she just wanted a friend or a cuddlepartner... then just tell me. I would have let her know that friendship would be fine but anything more leads to gfs for me. I am always upfront with how I am. No pretense. No games. If I like you, I like you, If I don't , I don't lead you to believe otherwise. I dunno, maybe time will give me a perspective I just can't see in this moment. Right now I am confused and hurt. Hard to look to much beyond that right now.

you make some good points. Instead of everyone making assumptions or risking miscommunication, maybe you just come out with your expectations in the beginning. What's wrong with saying "I'm looking for a relationship eventually"?

I'm sorry you're hurting, I know what that feels like. For me, I'll date only—no relationships or commitments which I make very clear. Anyway, I hope you'll feel better. But you're not an idiot—just seems to me, there was lack of clear communication.

take care ruthie,
j
it always gets better

[lipstixgal]

Good evening lofters just watching TV and relaxing too hot and humid to do anything else. Hope everyone is having a great weekend!! tomorrow strong storms are headed this way in NOrthern NJ...

[Jet]

Jus sayin' hey. Cleaned my apartment, had dinner and thought i would drop in.
Yanno, for starting this thread I think I come in here the least. lol
Anyway everyone have a good upcoming week.

[morningstar55]

Originally Posted by ruthie14

Well, my own 2 cents is.... that if you are NOT ready for a relationship.. then you should NOT be dating. Dating to me means that you are trying to find someone who you might want a LTR with. Doesn't mean you will find them, or that you won't date ppl that you don't fit with. That is to be expected. We met on a dating site and , quite frankly, I wasn't really sure we were going to date at all. I was perfectly content to do the friend thing and get to know her. She made the approach, wanting to call it dating, sexy talk, asking questions that, INHO , you ask a potential partner, not a friend. She kept asking for sleep overs and when push came to shove, well, she just wanted to sleep and nothing more. If she just wanted a friend or a cuddlepartner... then just tell me. I would have let her know that friendship would be fine but anything more leads to gfs for me. I am always upfront with how I am. No pretense. No games. If I like you, I like you, If I don't , I don't lead you to believe otherwise. I dunno, maybe time will give me a perspective I just can't see in this moment. Right now I am confused and hurt. Hard to look to much beyond that right now.

good morning Lofters.......... speaking of dating sites.... heh
I met someone last fall thru one..... we talked on the phone and on line.... for few months.. flirted , got into some heavy serious conversations and some fun flirty ones..she lived 1 hr from my house... then 1 day... on FB.. she has in a relationship on her status. im scratchng my head.. wondering ok is there something I mised??
turns out she got involved in someone else..... yep i was a bit on the ok what is wrong with me , thing.... then she just wanted to be my friend.. i said .. no not at this time.. maybe later.. well a couple months ago.. she contacted me asking me what i was up to these days... wanted to know if i wanted to meet her and if i was in town..cuz the thing she had with this someone else didnt work out..
I told her....... i was busy.

[cuddlyfemme]

Good Morning Lofters! I hope everyone has a wonderful week and stays cool

[Andrew, Jr.]

Hi Everyone! I hope all is well with each of you, and staying cool in this heat wave.

Enjoy your day.

Namaste,
Andrew

[morningstar55]

[lipstixgal]

Good MOrning lofters!!