The Loft: Butches and Femmes in their 40s, 50s and over.

WickedFemme · 06-30-2010, 03:44 PM

Hello lofters, I just need to 'rant' a bit... lol...
So, has anyone else experienced the whole 'invisibility' dilemma that seems to happen around younger groups of people and/or people who just don't see you after a certain age? This has been a super annoying thing that is happening more and more as I approach 50. I'm going on 47 this year and it is just getting really icky annoying... I have even experienced it with butches that are my same age. I sometimes feel like a heterosexual woman dealing with man/woman issues, if that makes any sense at all. Anyways, I just wanted to throw it out there and see how everyone else is coping with getting older and the whole invisibility thing. I think it happens more to us femmes than butches because of the whole 'gender' thing too. I have noticed that it's totally attractive hip and cool for an older butch to be with a younger femme or be attracted and vice versa... like younger femmes seem to be totally attracted to older butches - maybe it's the whole daddy girl dynamic thingy. Anyways, I was at this social gathering talking in a group of people that were all close to my age and mixed (butches and femmes) and then these two young girls (in their 20's) show up and the butches just totally dismissed me and the other older femmes and started drooling and making little side flirty comments... it was like we were all of the sudden 'invisible'. It's hard enough getting old and dealing with the changes in our bodies, etc.. without this sort of behavior. Anyways, how do you all deal with this.

Just a little disclaimer... I'm in a relationship and am totally secure in it, I'm not single and I'm not looking, etc.. so, it wasn't like I was offended, but it did trigger some 'aging' issues within me.

ruthie14 · 06-30-2010, 04:28 PM

Yeah I have noticed the same thing. I am single and it is quite annoying. I seem to have become the "femme stand in" for single butches or butches who want to be single. Then when some one, skinner or youner or prettier comes along.. I am toast.

Hope everyone had a wonderful day. Weather is great here. I am staying home, dying my hair and generally loafing around for a change. lol

Jet · 06-30-2010, 05:07 PM

I, for one, am not attracted to young women. ( In their 20s or 30s)

ruthie14 · 06-30-2010, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jet

I, for one, am not attracted to young women. ( In their 20s or 30s)

Yeah.. there's one!

lipstixgal · 06-30-2010, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WickedFemme

Hello lofters, I just need to 'rant' a bit... lol...
So, has anyone else experienced the whole 'invisibility' dilemma that seems to happen around younger groups of people and/or people who just don't see you after a certain age? This has been a super annoying thing that is happening more and more as I approach 50. I'm going on 47 this year and it is just getting really icky annoying... I have even experienced it with butches that are my same age. I sometimes feel like a heterosexual woman dealing with man/woman issues, if that makes any sense at all. Anyways, I just wanted to throw it out there and see how everyone else is coping with getting older and the whole invisibility thing. I think it happens more to us femmes than butches because of the whole 'gender' thing too. I have noticed that it's totally attractive hip and cool for an older butch to be with a younger femme or be attracted and vice versa... like younger femmes seem to be totally attracted to older butches - maybe it's the whole daddy girl dynamic thingy. Anyways, I was at this social gathering talking in a group of people that were all close to my age and mixed (butches and femmes) and then these two young girls (in their 20's) show up and the butches just totally dismissed me and the other older femmes and started drooling and making little side flirty comments... it was like we were all of the sudden 'invisible'. It's hard enough getting old and dealing with the changes in our bodies, etc.. without this sort of behavior. Anyways, how do you all deal with this.

Just a little disclaimer... I'm in a relationship and am totally secure in it, I'm not single and I'm not looking, etc.. so, it wasn't like I was offended, but it did trigger some 'aging' issues within me.

I 've noticed that too butches flirting with younger femmes. Its annoying to say the least and getting older like 50's it hard to deal with other issues that are going on to have that thrown in your face!!

Rockinonahigh · 06-30-2010, 07:35 PM

Boy have I ever been there,the last time I was at the gbar(the only place hear to meet anyone) I could have been the mom or grandma of nearly everyone in the building..talk about feeling out of place. One of them even had the stupidy to ask if I was in the wrong gbar..nasty little wench.I have dated younger but it never worked,if anyone my age wants to date younger is all there is hear to go out with.U bet im not a stand in till something better comes around.

ruthie14 · 07-01-2010, 04:16 AM

Morning everyone..
Doing something nice for myself everyday to boost my spirits. Dyed my hair last night.. Get a hair cut tonight... etc etc. Little things.. but they help. Planning a party for this weekend... Will be fun.

Have a wonderful day everyone!

Ruthie

lipstixgal · 07-01-2010, 04:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruthie14

Morning everyone..
Doing something nice for myself everyday to boost my spirits. Dyed my hair last night.. Get a hair cut tonight... etc etc. Little things.. but they help. Planning a party for this weekend... Will be fun.

Have a wonderful day everyone!

Ruthie

Good Morning everyone!! Ruthie glad to hear that you are doing something for yourself, that's good and getting a hair cut is always a good thing ya know. good luck with your party wished I lived closer, it should be fun. Anyway, I have to go to school to give in transcripts so I could get credit for a class they want me to take, should be interesting to see what they have to say. Have a great day at work or play everyone!! leaving a little chocolate just because

Legendryder · 07-01-2010, 06:48 AM

Well, I am a 46 yo single Butch. And I plan on staying single. I do not have time to put into what is required to have a good and stable relationship. Trying to have one would not be fair to either party. So, I just do not date, and have not for almost 8 years. Until I am finished with my schooling, however long that takes, and am into a solid working enviornment, it is not going to happen. I am happy with what I am doing, and it have given me an opportunity to really learn myself, and there is just nothing wrong with that. Besides, I have Bob. He is more than a handful anyhow.

Wryly · 07-01-2010, 07:56 AM

Hey all!

Today is Canada Day. In a little while I'm heading into Toronto - going to try hit the gay village for lunch. Got some plans for later with a friend.

Looks like I'm going to be on the road again this weekend - going to pick my sister up from her visit and then I'm taking a nephew to one of Toronto's northern suburbs. I'm bummed because it is PRIDE weekend and I'd hoped to go to the Dyke March. I guess since I'm not working that people assume I don't have anything planned.

I might be able to check in here tomorrow - if not everyone have a happy and safe holiday weekend!

lipstixgal · 07-01-2010, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Legendryder

Well, I am a 46 yo single Butch. And I plan on staying single. I do not have time to put into what is required to have a good and stable relationship. Trying to have one would not be fair to either party. So, I just do not date, and have not for almost 8 years. Until I am finished with my schooling, however long that takes, and am into a solid working environment, it is not going to happen. I am happy with what I am doing, and it have given me an opportunity to really learn myself, and there is just nothing wrong with that. Besides, I have Bob. He is more than a handful anyhow.

Who's Bob is that your dog? Aren't you lonely? being single for almost 8 years. I wish someone would come into my life and fulfill it. I need that, yeah I have dogs but its not enough for me. I'm ready to take the plunge!!

WickedFemme · 07-01-2010, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockinonahigh

Boy have I ever been there,the last time I was at the gbar(the only place hear to meet anyone) I could have been the mom or grandma of nearly everyone in the building..talk about feeling out of place. One of them even had the stupidy to ask if I was in the wrong gbar..nasty little wench.I have dated younger but it never worked,if anyone my age wants to date younger is all there is hear to go out with.U bet im not a stand in till something better comes around.

yikes! I don't even bother with those places anymore... however, If I were single - I am in a better place geographically. I don't much care nor am I even attracted to anyone under the age of 45, I don't care how 'hawt' they think they are - I just can't relate at all nor do I find them physically appealing. I love my butch who is two years older than I - totally hot, mature and always has something to contribute to a conversation.
I hope you find someone

I wish everyone a happy and safe Holiday weekend

Rockinonahigh · 07-01-2010, 03:46 PM

W.F.
Once and a while I get together with friends who still like to go to the gbars when the drag queens are puting on a good show,other than that I stay out of them...to much drama.The way I look at it is if Mrs.Right dose come along she will have to swat me hard to get my attention cause after all ive delt with in dateing im not to shure I would know an honest possablity.

lipstixgal · 07-01-2010, 05:02 PM

Well I did some cleaning today, the guy came around to see the god damn tags for the town. I hate this town Hasbrouck Hts, NJ it is so conservative!! Anyway, I found them and put them on the damn dogs collars so now if they get lost the town can find them and return them to me!! yeah!!

07-02-2010, 04:09 AM

Good morning lovely loft folks.

It's a big day today. Mrs.Incubus is having her long curls chopped off. I'm in mourning already. I know why she needs to do it and understand entirely - a combination of stresses and strains over the last couple of years have left her with thin patches at the back because she's losing too much hair.

When we first met she had started growing her hair out and she had 'pom pom' hair (anyone with naturally curly hair will get that one) but over the last nigh on 4yrs it's grown to be down to her waist. I've always loved her long curls and am rather nervous of her coming home later looking like someone different.

I hope all you sleep heads have a wonderful day once you're up and around!

06-30-2010, 07:35 PM	#6
Rockinonahigh Senior Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: makes no diffrence,I know who I am. Relationship Status: single,maybe looking if the right person comes along. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 4,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,682 Thanked 14,933 Times in 3,938 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Ageism/dateing ivisablity Boy have I ever been there,the last time I was at the gbar(the only place hear to meet anyone) I could have been the mom or grandma of nearly everyone in the building..talk about feeling out of place. One of them even had the stupidy to ask if I was in the wrong gbar..nasty little wench.I have dated younger but it never worked,if anyone my age wants to date younger is all there is hear to go out with.U bet im not a stand in till something better comes around.

06-30-2010, 03:44 PM	#1
WickedFemme Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Very Happily Married to Bobbi46 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: where I want to be Posts: 313 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 355 Thanked 994 Times in 221 Posts Rep Power: 7014692	Hello lofters, I just need to 'rant' a bit... lol... So, has anyone else experienced the whole 'invisibility' dilemma that seems to happen around younger groups of people and/or people who just don't see you after a certain age? This has been a super annoying thing that is happening more and more as I approach 50. I'm going on 47 this year and it is just getting really icky annoying... I have even experienced it with butches that are my same age. I sometimes feel like a heterosexual woman dealing with man/woman issues, if that makes any sense at all. Anyways, I just wanted to throw it out there and see how everyone else is coping with getting older and the whole invisibility thing. I think it happens more to us femmes than butches because of the whole 'gender' thing too. I have noticed that it's totally attractive hip and cool for an older butch to be with a younger femme or be attracted and vice versa... like younger femmes seem to be totally attracted to older butches - maybe it's the whole daddy girl dynamic thingy. Anyways, I was at this social gathering talking in a group of people that were all close to my age and mixed (butches and femmes) and then these two young girls (in their 20's) show up and the butches just totally dismissed me and the other older femmes and started drooling and making little side flirty comments... it was like we were all of the sudden 'invisible'. It's hard enough getting old and dealing with the changes in our bodies, etc.. without this sort of behavior. Anyways, how do you all deal with this. Just a little disclaimer... I'm in a relationship and am totally secure in it, I'm not single and I'm not looking, etc.. so, it wasn't like I was offended, but it did trigger some 'aging' issues within me.

06-30-2010, 04:28 PM	#2
ruthie14 Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,904 Thanked 1,245 Times in 461 Posts Rep Power: 5946335	Yeah I have noticed the same thing. I am single and it is quite annoying. I seem to have become the "femme stand in" for single butches or butches who want to be single. Then when some one, skinner or youner or prettier comes along.. I am toast. Hope everyone had a wonderful day. Weather is great here. I am staying home, dying my hair and generally loafing around for a change. lol

06-30-2010, 05:07 PM	#3
Jet Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: .. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .. Posts: 3,471 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 292 Thanked 2,647 Times in 1,293 Posts Rep Power: 0	I, for one, am not attracted to young women. ( In their 20s or 30s)

07-01-2010, 04:16 AM	#7
ruthie14 Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,904 Thanked 1,245 Times in 461 Posts Rep Power: 5946335	Morning everyone.. Doing something nice for myself everyday to boost my spirits. Dyed my hair last night.. Get a hair cut tonight... etc etc. Little things.. but they help. Planning a party for this weekend... Will be fun. Have a wonderful day everyone! Ruthie

07-01-2010, 06:48 AM	#9
Legendryder Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Queen City, MO Posts: 420 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14 Thanked 969 Times in 261 Posts Rep Power: 7270132	Well, I am a 46 yo single Butch. And I plan on staying single. I do not have time to put into what is required to have a good and stable relationship. Trying to have one would not be fair to either party. So, I just do not date, and have not for almost 8 years. Until I am finished with my schooling, however long that takes, and am into a solid working enviornment, it is not going to happen. I am happy with what I am doing, and it have given me an opportunity to really learn myself, and there is just nothing wrong with that. Besides, I have Bob. He is more than a handful anyhow.

07-01-2010, 07:56 AM	#10
Wryly Member How Do You Identify?: bemused butch Preferred Pronoun?: polite ones, please Relationship Status: single butch Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: my little butch house Posts: 988 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,789 Thanked 1,568 Times in 620 Posts Rep Power: 14094255	Hey all! Today is Canada Day. In a little while I'm heading into Toronto - going to try hit the gay village for lunch. Got some plans for later with a friend. Looks like I'm going to be on the road again this weekend - going to pick my sister up from her visit and then I'm taking a nephew to one of Toronto's northern suburbs. I'm bummed because it is PRIDE weekend and I'd hoped to go to the Dyke March. I guess since I'm not working that people assume I don't have anything planned. I might be able to check in here tomorrow - if not everyone have a happy and safe holiday weekend!

07-01-2010, 03:46 PM	#13
Rockinonahigh Senior Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: makes no diffrence,I know who I am. Relationship Status: single,maybe looking if the right person comes along. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 4,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,682 Thanked 14,933 Times in 3,938 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	W.F. Once and a while I get together with friends who still like to go to the gbars when the drag queens are puting on a good show,other than that I stay out of them...to much drama.The way I look at it is if Mrs.Right dose come along she will have to swat me hard to get my attention cause after all ive delt with in dateing im not to shure I would know an honest possablity.

07-01-2010, 05:02 PM	#14
lipstixgal Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: coupled Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: New Jersey Posts: 3,028 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 201 Thanked 1,690 Times in 1,064 Posts Rep Power: 1494761	Well I did some cleaning today, the guy came around to see the god damn tags for the town. I hate this town Hasbrouck Hts, NJ it is so conservative!! Anyway, I found them and put them on the damn dogs collars so now if they get lost the town can find them and return them to me!! yeah!!

07-02-2010, 04:09 AM	#15
Daktari Guest Tournaments Won: 1 Posts: n/a My Photo Gallery	Good morning lovely loft folks. It's a big day today. Mrs.Incubus is having her long curls chopped off. I'm in mourning already. I know why she needs to do it and understand entirely - a combination of stresses and strains over the last couple of years have left her with thin patches at the back because she's losing too much hair. When we first met she had started growing her hair out and she had 'pom pom' hair (anyone with naturally curly hair will get that one) but over the last nigh on 4yrs it's grown to be down to her waist. I've always loved her long curls and am rather nervous of her coming home later looking like someone different. I hope all you sleep heads have a wonderful day once you're up and around!