I'd Like to Claim I was Drunk: Pick Up Lines Destined to Fail - Page 2

Apocalipstic · 07-02-2010, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dylan

This is pretty recent.

Backstory: Mahhh Woman and I were in a club. I was standing off to the side, and Mahhh Woman was standing in line.

A butch is in front of Mahhh Woman. Butch keeps looking back to check out Mahhh Woman. I can see The Butch is trying to come up with something to say. Finally, The Butch musters up the nerve, and *this* is what she comes up with...

TheButch: (yelling, mind you) "Wow, you look just like my ex! It's incredible!" (gets camera phone ready) "Can I take your picture? I wish I had a picture of my ex to show you, because it's just so incredible how much you look like her. Can I take your picture, so I can show my friends?"

Mahhh Woman: (smiles) "No"

The Butch: "Would you like to go out on a date sometime?"

Really?

We saw this butch later, and she was pretty certain that the only reason Mahhh Woman wouldn't go out with her is because I was in the picture. I mean, how could such a stellar line NOT work?

Dylan

Yeahhh, cause every girl want to look just like someone's ex.

Apocalipstic · 07-02-2010, 10:59 AM

Another line I have heard more than once is....

"Baybah, you just havent found tha raaiight Mayn"

My go to answer is...

"and let me guess, YOU are the chosen one"

SuperFemme · 07-02-2010, 10:59 AM

You know, sweetie, my lips won't just kiss themselves...

(i never thought it would work. it did. we're married now.)

scootebaby · 07-02-2010, 11:00 AM

one used on me...

in my early 20s,in a str8 bar with a some friends...guy is eyeing me for some time...after a few "courage" drinks he walks over to me and my friends and starts chatting me up..im civil but not paying much attention to it...he leans WAY too far in my space and loudly says "i like to eat pussy" without missing a beat i turned to him,smiled, and said "what a coincidence so do i"...my friends fell out of their chairs laughing.

one i have used--ONLY once! lol

mid to late 20s...gay bar..drunk beyond words..standing at bar talking to bartender,and this woman walks up with this HUGE breasts..i turn,offer to buy her a drink and in same breath(looking AT her breasts) i say "im gonna need a soft pillow for my head,can you come home with me?"

Apocalipstic · 07-02-2010, 11:02 AM

It never works when I used my Slingblade voice to try to hit on my G/F.

Seems sexy to me.

SuperFemme · 07-02-2010, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Another line I have heard more than once is....

"Baybah, you just havent found tha raaiight Mayn"

My go to answer is...

"and let me guess, YOU are the chosen one"

god if i had a nickel.....

my go to answer?

you're not woman enough to be my man.

Medusa · 07-02-2010, 11:16 AM

I totally forgot about this one:

" 'Medusa' huh? I can be your Perseus!!"

(Yeah, cause every woman wants to have her head cut off and used to kill a sea creature)

Dylan · 07-02-2010, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

It never works when I used my Slingblade voice to try to hit on my G/F.

Seems sexy to me.

I like them friiiiied taters

Dylan...I've tried it with Mahhh Woman too, and she's not amused (to say the least)

*Magic_and_Silk* · 07-02-2010, 11:25 AM

One of the WORST I have ever heard...

I was 18..He was around the same age..

He says.."I'd like to kiss you. But, I am afraid I might suffer by comparison."

This line is from the movie 'Footloose'....I almost puked. I wasn't even amused. Especially since the guy had just gone to that movie a couple of days before with me and my little sister...and he was HER DATE!

apretty · 07-02-2010, 11:59 AM

another one, not tried on me as much as the entire bar:

the lights are going up, the music has been turned off and people are filing out, one young (and possibly not sober) butch yells:

WHO'S SINGLE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dunno if it worked but she got a lot of laughs.

Bob · 07-02-2010, 12:03 PM

Over at the driving range, there's a bunch of old coots who hang out and gossip and drink.

One day I happened to be nearby, idly chitchatting, and this well-preserved-by-scotch octogenarian looked me over, smiled, and said, "You look like you'd make a good farmer's wife!"

"Why's that?" I asked.

"Because you look like you know how to operate heavy machinery AND birth some healthy babies!"

And he grinned at me with a twinkle in his cataract-clouded eye, like he'd just paid me the biggest compliment he knew how to give. Which it probably was.

Strappie · 07-02-2010, 12:31 PM

Referring to a Sleep Number .....

Whats your number? Mines 69 should we see what yours is?

PinkieLee · 07-02-2010, 12:31 PM

A vivid memory popped back into my mind that had been hidden for a couple years....

My ex and I were at a hole in the wall pool hall. We were up at the bar ordering a beer, when the cuestick that was leaning up against the bar beside me fell over.

I reached over to pick it up and hand it to the guy in the bbq stained tshirt standing next to me, and he said, "Oh darlin, if it was MY stick that hit you, you would have thanked me".

Scorp · 07-02-2010, 12:33 PM

Lord, what a loser...Those are the fools that probably have a dick the size of a gherkin....

And, what did you say back to him after he said that???

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

A vivid memory popped back into my mind that had been hidden for a couple years....

My ex and I were at a hole in the wall pool hall. We were up at the bar ordering a beer, when the cuestick that was leaning up against the bar beside me fell over.

I reached over to pick it up and hand it to the guy in the bbq stained tshirt standing next to me, and he said, "Oh darlin, if it was MY stick that hit you, you would have thanked me".

Enchantress · 07-02-2010, 12:35 PM

"You have the kind of beauty that men have waged wars over"

Truth be told, this one sort of worked (or at least I considered for just a few moments)

Strappie · 07-02-2010, 12:37 PM

An all time classic for me... lol

When you hug someone.. If they say.. "You smell good, What are you wearing?" You reply back and say.. "You later" lol

PinkieLee · 07-02-2010, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scorp

Lord, what a loser...Those are the fools that probably have a dick the size of a gherkin....

And, what did you say back to him after he said that???

I hate to admit it, but he stumped me on that one...I walked away. I know, where was my sacastic wit then?!

Strappie · 07-02-2010, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

I hate to admit it, but he stumped me on that one...I walked away. I know, where was my sacastic wit then?!

Jesus... say it's not so!!

Scorp · 07-02-2010, 12:43 PM

Nooo not You? Loss for words?? omg (clenches heart) Wowwwwwwwwwwwwww...

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

I hate to admit it, but he stumped me on that one...I walked away. I know, where was my sacastic wit then?!

Strappie · 07-02-2010, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

A vivid memory popped back into my mind that had been hidden for a couple years....

My ex and I were at a hole in the wall pool hall. We were up at the bar ordering a beer, when the cuestick that was leaning up against the bar beside me fell over.

I reached over to pick it up and hand it to the guy in the bbq stained tshirt standing next to me, and he said, "Oh darlin, if it was MY stick that hit you, you would have thanked me".

If that was me saying that to you.. I would have at least said... "if that was my stick that hit you, You would have been begging for more!" lol

07-02-2010, 10:59 AM	#22
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,362 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Another line I have heard more than once is.... "Baybah, you just havent found tha raaiight Mayn" My go to answer is... "and let me guess, YOU are the chosen one" __________________

07-02-2010, 11:02 AM	#25
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,362 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	It never works when I used my Slingblade voice to try to hit on my G/F. Seems sexy to me. __________________

07-02-2010, 11:16 AM	#27
Medusa Mentally Delicious How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?: Mme. Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 10,446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,995 Thanked 42,692 Times in 7,831 Posts Rep Power: 10000026	I totally forgot about this one: " 'Medusa' huh? I can be your Perseus!!" (Yeah, cause every woman wants to have her head cut off and used to kill a sea creature) __________________ . . . Buy ButchFemmePlanet Merch Here: https://teespring.com/stores/butchfemmeplanetcom-merch

07-02-2010, 11:25 AM	#29
Magic_and_Silk Member How Do You Identify?: femme with a fetish for beautiful dresses. Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, Miss, girl, Red... Relationship Status: single Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Show Low, AZ Posts: 229 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 118 Thanked 242 Times in 115 Posts Rep Power: 316	One of the WORST I have ever heard... I was 18..He was around the same age.. He says.."I'd like to kiss you. But, I am afraid I might suffer by comparison." This line is from the movie 'Footloose'....I almost puked. I wasn't even amused. Especially since the guy had just gone to that movie a couple of days before with me and my little sister...and he was HER DATE! __________________ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My joy in life comes from the Journey.

07-02-2010, 12:35 PM	#35
Enchantress Senior Member How Do You Identify?: A complex confection. Preferred Pronoun?: Miss Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The land of milk and honey. Posts: 2,169 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 741 Thanked 3,420 Times in 1,200 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Original. "You have the kind of beauty that men have waged wars over" Truth be told, this one sort of worked (or at least I considered for just a few moments)

07-02-2010, 10:59 AM	#23
SuperFemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atascadero, CA Posts: 4,933 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,309 Thanked 7,108 Times in 2,327 Posts Rep Power: 0	You know, sweetie, my lips won't just kiss themselves... (i never thought it would work. it did. we're married now.)

07-02-2010, 11:00 AM	#24
scootebaby Timed Out How Do You Identify?: yes dear Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: south florida Posts: 2,494 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,264 Thanked 6,737 Times in 1,777 Posts Rep Power: 0	one used on me... in my early 20s,in a str8 bar with a some friends...guy is eyeing me for some time...after a few "courage" drinks he walks over to me and my friends and starts chatting me up..im civil but not paying much attention to it...he leans WAY too far in my space and loudly says "i like to eat pussy" without missing a beat i turned to him,smiled, and said "what a coincidence so do i"...my friends fell out of their chairs laughing. one i have used--ONLY once! lol mid to late 20s...gay bar..drunk beyond words..standing at bar talking to bartender,and this woman walks up with this HUGE breasts..i turn,offer to buy her a drink and in same breath(looking AT her breasts) i say "im gonna need a soft pillow for my head,can you come home with me?"

07-02-2010, 11:59 AM	#30
apretty Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: sea shell Relationship Status: married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: san diego Posts: 1,687 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,927 Thanked 4,373 Times in 1,012 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	another one, not tried on me as much as the entire bar: the lights are going up, the music has been turned off and people are filing out, one young (and possibly not sober) butch yells: *WHO'S SINGLE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* dunno if it worked but she got a lot of laughs.

07-02-2010, 12:03 PM	#31
Bob Member How Do You Identify?: Jackass. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In your mom. Posts: 144 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15 Thanked 288 Times in 92 Posts Rep Power: 29242	Over at the driving range, there's a bunch of old coots who hang out and gossip and drink. One day I happened to be nearby, idly chitchatting, and this well-preserved-by-scotch octogenarian looked me over, smiled, and said, "You look like you'd make a good farmer's wife!" "Why's that?" I asked. "Because you look like you know how to operate heavy machinery AND birth some healthy babies!" And he grinned at me with a twinkle in his cataract-clouded eye, like he'd just paid me the biggest compliment he knew how to give. Which it probably was.

07-02-2010, 12:31 PM	#32
Strappie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: I know who I am... Doesn't matter Relationship Status: It's a new day.... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Mpls, MN Posts: 3,283 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,813 Thanked 4,945 Times in 1,350 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Referring to a Sleep Number ..... Whats your number? Mines 69 should we see what yours is?

07-02-2010, 12:31 PM	#33
PinkieLee Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: I need ya boo, gotta see ya boo Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Big Money Texas Posts: 4,708 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 24,309 Thanked 13,074 Times in 3,049 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	A vivid memory popped back into my mind that had been hidden for a couple years.... My ex and I were at a hole in the wall pool hall. We were up at the bar ordering a beer, when the cuestick that was leaning up against the bar beside me fell over. I reached over to pick it up and hand it to the guy in the bbq stained tshirt standing next to me, and he said, "Oh darlin, if it was MY stick that hit you, you would have thanked me".

07-02-2010, 12:37 PM	#36
Strappie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: I know who I am... Doesn't matter Relationship Status: It's a new day.... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Mpls, MN Posts: 3,283 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,813 Thanked 4,945 Times in 1,350 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	An all time classic for me... lol When you hug someone.. If they say.. "You smell good, What are you wearing?" You reply back and say.. "You later" lol