My Butch Left Me After 6 Years...Devistated

princessbelle · 07-08-2010, 07:17 AM

((((((((((femmedoll)))))))))

First of all you aren't alone. Change the people, the scene, the circumstances, and many of us have been there done that. It IS hard, devistating, unbelievable and just down right horrible to have this happen.

You will get through it.

I know the lost feeling you are going through. Please know, you will get throught this. You have to focus on yourself. Don't think ahead, think of today, this moment...surround yourself with friends, family. Talk about it, journal about it, write letters (which you won't send or send). Make yourself eat, drink water, get out of the house. Go for walks, but, try and just go to autopilot for now and be kind to yourself and good to yourself. Right now, you are your own bestfriend. You are going through hell and you need to watch out for yourself.

Know that the feelings you are having are ok to feel, they are real, don't try and push them away. It's ok to cry, and hurt, and be disbelieving. It is how our brains handle devistation.

Every day that passes will help. Time will help. Keep yourself busy. You had given your love to someone that doesn't want it anymore. That is one of the hardest things that we ever have to face. But, i want you to please understand that this is YOUR love that you gave. It belongs to YOU. Not him/her. YOU own it. Place that love, for now, back on yourself and treat yourself kindly.

I understand. I truely do. You have a community here. Post or PM almost any of us and we can help you get through this. You are not alone honey.

Sachita · 07-08-2010, 07:35 AM

I know this is awful. You have a vision, a future and plan then one day out of nowhere you're blindsided. Especially when the person you thought you knew is someone else.

From my own experience and mistakes all I can say is this;

Surround yourself with good friends. The worse thing you can do is dwell on it and although its good to talk about it don't keep giving it unnecessary attention. I spent 2 years really beating myself up BUT I was also in a new state, no friends or family around to kick my ass out of it. The loneliness and isolation made it worse. Stay in close face to face contact with really good friends. End any contact with your ex for a long while should she decide to contact you. She might after a few months with lots of excuses. Let time pass. I should have done that. We can talk now and maybe even be friends BUT it took years.

Meditate often and let your mind be still.

paposeco · 07-08-2010, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sachita

I know this is awful. You have a vision, a future and plan then one day out of nowhere you're blindsided. Especially when the person you thought you knew is someone else.

From my own experience and mistakes all I can say is this;

Surround yourself with good friends. The worse thing you can do is dwell on it and although its good to talk about it don't keep giving it unnecessary attention. I spent 2 years really beating myself up BUT I was also in a new state, no friends or family around to kick my ass out of it. The loneliness and isolation made it worse. Stay in close face to face contact with really good friends. End any contact with your ex for a long while should she decide to contact you. She might after a few months with lots of excuses. Let time pass. I should have done that. We can talk now and maybe even be friends BUT it took years.

Meditate often and let your mind be still.

However..."overnight", is not really true, we choose to ignore the signs, we do not want to confront..mostly out of fear...of being right..of being hurt..of being left, so we make excuses and choose not to see what's there in front of our eyes, yet our "knower/gut" senses something's off....anyway, like someone said here, "there are 3 sides to every story"..in any case, now you must move on with your life, for your wellbeing and sanity.

lyric · 07-09-2010, 09:03 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you. I can only imagine how painful it is.

I don't know how helpful this will be to hear, but sometimes we need to take a breath, step back, and realize that what might feel like the world crashing down around us is actually a blessing in disguise. It was a hard lesson learned for me. I was living with and supporting someone who was bringing strangers from personal ads into my home while I was at work, and carried on other relationships outside of ours, among other things. The discovery was devastating, and the refusal on this person's part to take any responsibility for their actions whatsoever was further heartbreaking (I was told that because I "snooped" to find information when I suspected something was going on, they felt they did not need to answer to me). I should have listened to family and friends and to my inner voice and kicked them to the curb. However, my self-esteem and self-confidence was so low that, I am ashamed to admit, I allowed this person to remain in my home and my life taking advantage of me for way too long after that... my own unfortunate mistake. I was an idiot.

My advice is, walk away and don't ever consider returning. Get yourself into therapy as apretty suggested and be prepared to do some in-depth exploration to determine if there may, indeed, have been warning signs that were overlooked, and if so, why. This could go a long way towards your healing process as well as providing you with tools for a more successful relationship with someone else down the road. Don't beat yourself up, though. Regardless, you can't be responsible for another's thoughtlessness and lack of integrity. In your saddest moments (and you will have them) call a friend who won't let you get soft and make excuses for your ex. Lean on your family and friends for support - work on nurturing those other relationships that are valuable to you. Let those in your life who love you take care of you if they offer. Spend time with yourself, taking care of you. Remember that sometimes there are no good answers for things, and you may never know the reason anyone does any particular thing. These are all of the things I wish I'd done. I spent way too much time stuck in place, asking questions, blaming myself, and making excuses for this person. I made things much harder than they needed to be. Don't make the same mistake I did. The good news is, I eventually met a wonderful, trustworthy, intelligent person to whom I am engaged, and I have never been happier nor have I ever been more cared for. You will, too... just keep the faith and work on loving yourself in the meantime.

07-08-2010, 07:17 AM	#1
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,496 Times in 5,198 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	((((((((((femmedoll))))))))) First of all you aren't alone. Change the people, the scene, the circumstances, and many of us have been there done that. It IS hard, devistating, unbelievable and just down right horrible to have this happen. You will get through it. I know the lost feeling you are going through. Please know, you will get throught this. You have to focus on yourself. Don't think ahead, think of today, this moment...surround yourself with friends, family. Talk about it, journal about it, write letters (which you won't send or send). Make yourself eat, drink water, get out of the house. Go for walks, but, try and just go to autopilot for now and be kind to yourself and good to yourself. Right now, you are your own bestfriend. You are going through hell and you need to watch out for yourself. Know that the feelings you are having are ok to feel, they are real, don't try and push them away. It's ok to cry, and hurt, and be disbelieving. It is how our brains handle devistation. Every day that passes will help. Time will help. Keep yourself busy. You had given your love to someone that doesn't want it anymore. That is one of the hardest things that we ever have to face. But, i want you to please understand that this is YOUR love that you gave. It belongs to YOU. Not him/her. YOU own it. Place that love, for now, back on yourself and treat yourself kindly. I understand. I truely do. You have a community here. Post or PM almost any of us and we can help you get through this. You are not alone honey. __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

07-08-2010, 07:35 AM	#2
Sachita Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Goddess Relationship Status: Completely in love Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Southern Virginia Posts: 3,225 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,564 Thanked 8,994 Times in 2,247 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I know this is awful. You have a vision, a future and plan then one day out of nowhere you're blindsided. Especially when the person you thought you knew is someone else. From my own experience and mistakes all I can say is this; Surround yourself with good friends. The worse thing you can do is dwell on it and although its good to talk about it don't keep giving it unnecessary attention. I spent 2 years really beating myself up BUT I was also in a new state, no friends or family around to kick my ass out of it. The loneliness and isolation made it worse. Stay in close face to face contact with really good friends. End any contact with your ex for a long while should she decide to contact you. She might after a few months with lots of excuses. Let time pass. I should have done that. We can talk now and maybe even be friends BUT it took years. Meditate often and let your mind be still. __________________ You either like me or you don't. It took me Twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don't have that kinda time to convince somebody else. ~ Daniel Franzese

07-09-2010, 09:03 PM	#4
lyric Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: quiet and content Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Springfield, VA Posts: 88 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 161 Thanked 303 Times in 56 Posts Rep Power: 3971634	I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you. I can only imagine how painful it is. I don't know how helpful this will be to hear, but sometimes we need to take a breath, step back, and realize that what might feel like the world crashing down around us is actually a blessing in disguise. It was a hard lesson learned for me. I was living with and supporting someone who was bringing strangers from personal ads into my home while I was at work, and carried on other relationships outside of ours, among other things. The discovery was devastating, and the refusal on this person's part to take any responsibility for their actions whatsoever was further heartbreaking (I was told that because I "snooped" to find information when I suspected something was going on, they felt they did not need to answer to me). I should have listened to family and friends and to my inner voice and kicked them to the curb. However, my self-esteem and self-confidence was so low that, I am ashamed to admit, I allowed this person to remain in my home and my life taking advantage of me for way too long after that... my own unfortunate mistake. I was an idiot. My advice is, walk away and don't ever consider returning. Get yourself into therapy as apretty suggested and be prepared to do some in-depth exploration to determine if there may, indeed, have been warning signs that were overlooked, and if so, why. This could go a long way towards your healing process as well as providing you with tools for a more successful relationship with someone else down the road. Don't beat yourself up, though. Regardless, you can't be responsible for another's thoughtlessness and lack of integrity. In your saddest moments (and you will have them) call a friend who won't let you get soft and make excuses for your ex. Lean on your family and friends for support - work on nurturing those other relationships that are valuable to you. Let those in your life who love you take care of you if they offer. Spend time with yourself, taking care of you. Remember that sometimes there are no good answers for things, and you may never know the reason anyone does any particular thing. These are all of the things I wish I'd done. I spent way too much time stuck in place, asking questions, blaming myself, and making excuses for this person. I made things much harder than they needed to be. Don't make the same mistake I did. The good news is, I eventually met a wonderful, trustworthy, intelligent person to whom I am engaged, and I have never been happier nor have I ever been more cared for. You will, too... just keep the faith and work on loving yourself in the meantime.