Salon de Femme--aut delectare aut prodesse est

[blush]

Originally Posted by Arwen

And my end thought was no/yes. No, I am not femme simply because I am attracted to butches. Yes, I am femme because butches just do it for me. But I would still be femme even if there were no butches in the world.

We all hate it when we are reduced down to who we fuck. And it happens so often to femmes in a way that it doesn't to butches/trans. Too often, our "femme-ness" is automatically tied to which type of masculine energy we prefer. It is so debasing.

For me, femme is my descriptor for my energy.

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by blush

We all hate it when we are reduced down to who we fuck. And it happens so often to femmes in a way that it doesn't to butches/trans. Too often, our "femme-ness" is automatically tied to which type of masculine energy we prefer. It is so debasing.

For me, femme is my descriptor for my energy.

Femme as a descriptor for your energy.

Brilliant. Simple and complex and really suits my worldview, blush. Thanks.

I am not sure I agree with you about hating it when I'm reduced down to who I sleep with. In a way, there is some part of me that craves that kind of simplicity.

For me, it's like when I went home when Mama was still alive. I slipped into my labels of daughter/eldest and knew what was expected of me.

There is a part of me that really craves knowing what is expected of me. Now I realize intellectually that's not going to happen all the time. but when I can be around friends who understand what femme is (or at least some version of femme), I find myself just a bit more comfortable in my skin, ya know?

[Boots13]

I had a long post , spell checked it and it all disappeared
and now I lost the momentum to throw it all down again !
But in a nutshell
I believe in femme energy. It is that intangible "thing" that draws me. It is that energy that comes from digging a stiletto in, to avoid being trampled or overlooked in a harsh and critical world.
Whether from a femme having to develope a deeper confident sense of self because of the invisibility issue, or simply how she moves in the world
based on her OWN beliefs, desires and interactions. There is that
femme energy that cannot be faked or pushed or canned that is
so wildly attractive and desireable to me.

Desireable as in wanting to be a part of it. Not controlling or assuming (as in assimilation) but as an overlay to who a femme is. And as an overlay to who I am. Friends, lovers, chance meetings ... that femme energy is unmistakeable and a part of my connectness in the world.

[blush]

Originally Posted by Arwen

Femme as a descriptor for your energy.

Brilliant. Simple and complex and really suits my worldview, blush. Thanks.

I am not sure I agree with you about hating it when I'm reduced down to who I sleep with. In a way, there is some part of me that craves that kind of simplicity.

For me, it's like when I went home when Mama was still alive. I slipped into my labels of daughter/eldest and knew what was expected of me.

There is a part of me that really craves knowing what is expected of me. Now I realize intellectually that's not going to happen all the time. but when I can be around friends who understand what femme is (or at least some version of femme), I find myself just a bit more comfortable in my skin, ya know?

I get craving that simplicity. That's a beautiful analogy. But for me, the mother/daughter relationship doesn't quite ring true. That's a role, and the expectations are certainly clearly defined. Often those roles are forced upon us, and we love them, hate them, or grow into them. Femme is something I chose how to express.

Does that make sense?