The Mythical *Pass* for Differently-Abled People

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by softness

I am so glad you created this thread! I too am differently abled and I am still in the stage where I am battling people's perceptions of my capabilities. I get weary of people who want to keep me from doing activities because they dont want me to be hurt. I know they mean well but I am sorry. I need to learn my limits and I cant tell what they are unless I visit them and see where I can go before I need to stop....but I know their behaviors come from a loving place. I know they all gasp when I post on FB that I am going to ride a horse. Everyone close to me knows how bad my back is. I just cant give up hope that I will get up on a horse again. But that is a journey that is not done yet...

But you are talking about something different. You are talking about someone with a disability using it to their advantage so they dont have to accept ownership of their behaviors....that somehow being "impaired" makes it acceptable for them to be mean or deceitful, or hateful, or ..(fill in the blank) I have witnessed this before, where the person with disability says "I didnt know what I was doing because I (fill in the blank) oh no no no....especially no no no when they do it over and over again. Especially when they do it when its beneficial to them and hurtful always to someone else. Yes, sometimes a person can make a mistake and yes, we can forgive them but when its a constant, when it is a pattern, then it IS a mythical pass they seek.

Well, I dont want it. And I get really angry over people who use it to hide behind. "I screwed up because I am disabled" doesnt fly with me. I have witnessed people saying and doing horrible things, including being deceitful, and then turning around and using their disability as a shield from consequences. I have walked away from people who do this because there is truth to the old adage, that you are who you hang with. I work hard at being as functional as I possibly can be. I am WAY far from being perfect and frankly I have characteristics that make me a difficult person to deal with, but none of them have ANYTHING to do with my disabilities. It just means I am an ass at times. Thank god for my AA program that makes me look at that on a daily basis and accept that reality and forces me to work to eradicate it ... or end up drunk again. And I dont want to do that EVER again. I am grateful I have a program that truly teaches me what an ass I am...so that I can work thru it to get the part of me that is spiritual and beautiful more room to come out.

Good thread, SF...great thread, in fact...I am interested in hearing from other people!

I have to wonder to if someone who does it over and over isn't necessarily doing it on purpose. I mean, if something is not broke don't fix it, right?

So if using a different ability as a crutch is working for somebody (because people around them are co-signing that behavior) then there is no incentive to change.

I want to be real careful of how I am discussing this subject, because I can never really know where anyone is coming from AND sometimes a different ability can make it hard for somebody to realize what is going on.

I don't think (i hope not anyway) that anyone is intentionally thinking to themselves: I am going to be mean and shitty because I CAN.

I just think that there is always room for the bar to be raised and a person to be told in a compassionate way that the rules apply to them.

I believe that people will rise to the level that you are willing to meet them at. If that makes sense.

Like in AA, people have to get there on their own with only the desire to stop drinking, right? But nobody else can do their work, it is truly only up to the individual that wants to stop.

I hope I am making some kind of sense.