The Mythical *Pass* for Differently-Abled People

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Liam

I don't want a pass, however I do want people to ask questions for clarification. My experience has been that people make assumptions, over and over, and they are wrong.

I don't think most people should have a pass, however there are those whom I believe should. When a brain injury occurs, the functions of the neurons, nerve tracts, or sections of the brain can be effected. If the neurons and nerve tracts are effected, they can be unable or have difficulty carrying messages that tell the brain what to do. This can result in Thinking Changes, Physical Changes, and Personality and Behavioral Changes. These changes can be temporary or permanent. They may cause impairment or complete inability to perform a function. One of these impairments, which may occur concerns social competence, it is one of the most complex tasks our brain encounters, and for some it doesn't happen. If someone lacks skill in this area, it is unreasonable to demand that it occur. Anger and punishment only adds to their frustration, and they only know that they did something wrong, but are left without a clue as to how to fix it. A person can read, write, take care of themselves and not be able to grasp the nuances that many take for granted. Their style of communication may seem inappropriate, when they are angry, scared or excited. I think this kind of person should get a pass.

So I have to ask you Liam, if this person has been asked a THOUSAND times to back off, and one has reiterated their boundaries time and time again with them I should give them a pass and fuck my safe space?

[Liam]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

So I have to ask you Liam, if this person has been asked a THOUSAND times to back off, and one has reiterated their boundaries time and time again with them I should give them a pass and fuck my safe space?

If they have indeed been asked a thousand times and seem to not understand boundaries then, it would seem to me, that clearly they lack social competence, and they really don't know how to do what you would like them to do.

Would not putting them on ignore, maintain your safe space?

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Liam

If they have indeed been asked a thousand times and seem to not understand boundaries then, it would seem to me, that clearly they lack social competence, and they really don't know how to do what you would like them to do.

Would not putting them on ignore, maintain your safe space?

Nah

I don't like putting anything on ignore it keeps me aware of my surroundings and what is coming at me..

*shrugs*

I don't agree with you, I feel if someone is asking another person to respect their boundaries and to back off they should be held accountable period.

I am heartless perhaps but ok with that

[Massive]

I'm definitely differently-abled, and have been now for quite a few years.
I have rheumatoid arthritis and, since I tore the ligaments in my lower left back, I now have an on and off back injury to deal with, it can go from my literally turning my head.
Part of me resents when I get looks from older people now, because I sit at the front on public transport, here if you're disabled or elderly they ask that the first few rows of seats are given up to the disabled or elderly, and since the disability act was passed here a few years back, a disabled person has more right to be on a bus than someone with a pushchair and child.
I appreciate when friends ask if I'm able to do the same things as they do, although I keep reminding them that I've had RA now since I was 18, so I know my limits, I know what I can and can't do, and do my own risk assessment ahead of time. At the same time it does feel like some of them are trying to hand me this mythical 'pass' like a get out of jail free card in monopoly, to just say, "It's okay, we'll just walk slower/talk to hym like hy's slow because hy's not the same as us." kind of attitude.
The majority of my friends know beyond a doubt if they treat me that way they'll find out pretty damn sharply not to do it again, ever. However, I also have a certain group of friends, who I now rarely make the effort to see, who tell me I can't call myself disabled, because I don't look it, you can't see my RA, I'm lucky enough that it hasn't progressed to the point where my knuckles and fingers are twisted with it, you can't see my back injury, apart from when I can barely walk, and then I sometimes get "Oh, you're just too fat, you need to lose weight." yeah, that'd help, but what helps more is not having ignorant feckers say things like that to me when I'm already having a day bad enough that I can't just use my cane to walk, I'm using crutches.
I often want to say to these people, okay, if you think living a life like this is so easy, spend a day in my shoes, see what it's like to walk around feeling like there's a mix of ground glass and acid poured into every joint, try walking with someone jabbing you in the back with a knife at every step, try pulling your head out your arse and realise that just because I'm not the same as you doesn't mean I can't understand english, I'm not stupid, it's just my body can't keep up with the rest of me, and this is how I'm going to be for the rest of my life.
I do have a badge for parking, which stays with me so I can use it in whichever car I'm in, I do sit in the seats at the front of the bus, I do have to sit, making sure either my crutches or cane are visible so I don't get elderly people glaring at me accusingly.
I do have a life, I just have to live it a little bit slower and more carefully than those who have nothing wrong with them.
I am a human being, I deserve the same respect as anyone else so why is it so damn hard to receive this?

Also wanted to add, for anyone who hadn't noticed 'here' for me is the UK...

[Ursy]

Interesting thread...

You know, I wonder every single day - what would it be like to be neurotypical? Would it make life any easier? Would I like it? Would I hate it? (I have Asperger's)

Anyway...

As for the subject of passes or not, I'm finding the concept difficult to negotiate in my head. On the one hand, it is *not* a level playing field... but on the other hand, I get what you're saying Adele - everyone should take responsibility for their own shitty behaviour. I guess the complicating factor for me - as some have said: sometimes what appears to be shitty behaviour REALLY isn't - and most people don't bother trying to clarify things first before jumping all over someone who never meant any offence in the first place. I've seen it happen COUNTLESS times.

I'm all for giving passes - but not just for DA people, everyone. Everyone has a bad day now and then, everyone stuffs up, expresses something badly, misreads something. It's just about giving folks the benefit of the doubt. It's giving them a chance to clarify things before I write them off as a jerk or an asshole. It's not assuming that my first interpretation was the correct and only interpretation.

So I guess by that definition, I'm not giving passes. Can they be passes if you give them to everyone? Lol. Maybe I've gone off on a tangent.