Gay Marriage until...a break up. Why Gays need to walk the walk.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by Converse

I

To be able to enjoy all that is associated with being legally married, one has to understand that with that comes responsibility, including any consequences that are associated with divorce. The situation that SuperFemme is talking about seems like yet another sad example of why the fight for recognition of same sex marriages must be fought.

Yes! That is exactly what I am speaking to.

[Apocalipstic]

Yes, I think if Gays marry we should have to get a real divorce.

But we don't know what is really happening? or do we? Personally?

In straight marriages almost no one get's alimony (I read 4%) any more and the court refused to give Tammy 25K beacause Melissa is paying all Tammy's bills according to court documents.

Melissa wants to share custody of the twins, Tammy wants 100% custody.

Next court date is in September.

I don't know what really happened, it should be interesting to see how the courts rule! I think comments on Melissa's character may be premature?

Intesting subject SF!

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Yes, I think if Gays marry we should have to get a real divorce.

But we don't know what is really happening? or do we? Personally?

In straight marriages almost no one get's alimony (I read 4%) any more and the court refused to give Tammy 25K beacause Melissa is paying all Tammy's bills according to court documents.

Melissa wants to share custody of the twins, Tammy wants 100% custody.

Next court date is in September.

I don't know what really happened, it should be interesting to see how the courts rule! I think comments on Melissa's character may be premature?

Intesting subject SF!

The line I bolded is what I want to talk about.

I don't know the particulars of the singers break up, nor do I want to. I was just using it as an example - of a visible queer that has advocated for Gay Marriage, and is not ending hers like everyone else who has been afforded that basic civil right.

Perhaps Melissa Etheridge was a bad example? I just read something about it and it made me start thinking, hence the subject in this thread.

[Corkey]

If Ami and I were to ever divorce one of us would have to live in Canada for 6 months to abide by the country's divorce laws. There are no easy solutions to divorce, just as entering into marriage is something of a serious act. I know those of us who are married here take our commitment very seriously. Divorce is serious as well, both for the financial and emotional aspects. A certain maturity is required to be married. That doesn't end when getting a divorce.
When I married Ami it was for the rest of my life, I made a conscious decision to work always on our marriage. I'm not a youngster who is still looking for the greener pastures. My life is full and wonderful.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by Corkey

If Ami and I were to ever divorce one of us would have to live in Canada for 6 months to abide by the country's divorce laws. There are no easy solutions to divorce, just as entering into marriage is something of a serious act. I know those of us who are married here take our commitment very seriously. Divorce is serious as well, both for the financial and emotional aspects. A certain maturity is required to be married. That doesn't end when getting a divorce.
When I married Ami it was for the rest of my life, I made a conscious decision to work always on our marriage. I'm not a youngster who is still looking for the greener pastures. My life is full and wonderful.

I agree with you about the entire concept of marriage. I also agree with whomever it was that pointed out that marriage is the beginning of a journey...not the end of one.

It takes work, hard work sometimes. It also means that we should be aware of the consequences on each other and our families should the marriage end. By divorce or by death....

I don't think I'll ever get divorced, but if I did, I would sure not shirk my responsibilities. I would allow my kids a relationship, rather than using them as a tool as so often happens. I would not cut anyone out of our family using anti-gay ideology. Of course, that is "me", my views and I am not trying to project them on anyone else.

Over the past five years, being an activist for Gay Marriage here in CA and being in the trenches...with that raw emotion? I think I maybe take it too personally when I see a gay person who has a track record of being an activist for the same thing, do something so opposite I suppose.

As I mentioned, our marriage license is a love hate thing. I love that we have it, and have no idea at the moment if we are going to keep it, or if the repeal of our civil rights will erase it forever. It hurts my heart to see people I love filling out DP papers, rather than getting a license. I almost feel like a traitor sometimes.

I know lots of people think the word marriage is disposable, and the sticking point. That if we just call it something else, they'll acquiesce. I don't want something else. I want equal rights.

And I am prepared (as are thousands of my peers) to take those rights seriously, just like I take my marriage seriously.

[Corkey]

I wish we did live in a state that recognized our marriage, but it isn't this one. We aren't able to even have domestic partnerships or civil unions. We still have our documents to help protect us at hospitals, but that doesn't give us any protections as far as banking or federal rights others have. We can't combine our incomes into one joint account because of my SSDI. That however doesn't prevent us from maintaining our household as one unit. If I should die, Ami still wouldn't be able to get surviving spousal payments from Soc Sec. We have a long fight ahead of us, one I doubt I'll see the fruition of in my lifetime.

[SuperFemme]

NOM is making a tour of hate. Today they were in Madison Wisconsin.
NOM supports = 54 (one sign read that the solution to gay marriage was..and it showed a picture of two nooses).
Equality Protesters = 466

Here is a video of the protesters on the Equality side.
It makes me so proud of how hard we work, and how much our community is coming together. Maybe this post is off topic, I don't know.

[Soon]

We're keeping track of that messed up NOM bus and plan on joining the protesters when they reach Tampa in mid-August.

I suggest that everyone goes to prop8trialtracker.com to see when their bus of hate rolls into your town, so you can get out there and REPRESENT for equality!

[Hack]

I'm not a fan of marriage for myself, personally. I have no problem with what others want to do for themselves, of course. I think I hold myself to a higher standard because if I were to ever marry, it would be a one-time only, limited offer kind of thing. Call me old-fashioned in that Catholic-married-for-life kind of way. There's been exactly one woman who even stirred those thoughts in my little pointy head. And I think a big part of me considers that those feelings have come and now have gone. And probably won't be back. And I'm ok with that.

And, honestly, I find it hard to generate sympathy for yet another celebrity marriage -- gay, straight or otherwise -- that has fallen apart. Money, fame, celebrity does funny things to people that we can only pretend to understand.

Jake

[Puplove]

I agree that we should have the same responsibilities of a legally binding contract if we have the same rights, and public perception that someone fighting for gay marriage can turn around and say "never mind, that wasn't real" hurts us all. (That may not be the real situation with M.E., but it's a good thinking point.)

Even in a painful breakup, I believe that decent people won't manipulate loopholes and the non-legal situation to get out of doing what's right in divvying up possessions, child custody, etc. (although it can take time to get past the initial hurt and knee jerk anger to get to that point). Non-decent people will find a way to screw over the person they had promised to love and cherish, even if they have to pay more to do it legally.

I feel, straight or queer: if you don't want to fully commit and be willing to embrace ALL responsibilities, then don't call it a marriage (whether or not there's legal paper involved). Then, you leave yourself an out and can easily walk away when it's over.

Here is where I think the higher standard idea comes in:
The contrast between fighting to have queer relationships recognized as "just as real" as heterosexual marriages, then seeing couples walk away from each other when things get tough, because...well, there's no legally binding document requiring a negotiated contract dissolution. Straight people do it too - all the time. But, no one has to work to validate straight relationships, so they can crap all over their privileges without affecting an entire community.

It sucks, but it's there. As SF said, this is where it comes in that gays need to walk the walk.

Point to ponder: When straight people run into an old friend they haven't seen for a couple years and they catch up on mutual friends, it's rare that you hear them ask about married couples "Are John and Phyllis still together? Wow, that's great they are!!"

When queers run into old friends and they catch up, the standard questions are "Are Adam and Steve still together?" and it's a surprise when they are. How many times have you and your friends asked "are they still together" when catching up on long-term queer couple friends. Who even realizes the root of that question?

Many factors way too big to talk about (history, culture, bias, etc etc etc) have taught us to believe that long-term queer relationships are the exception, not the norm. Although more than 50% of straight marriages end in divorce, we - the "all of society" we - do not believe that long-term straight relationships are the exception.