advice plz - my father's alcoholism

[jenny]

Originally Posted by sylvie

only now, do i truly understand my absolute need to detach myself from this.. i can be there for my father, but i can't consume myself with saving him, it just won't happen unless HE wants that, and only then can i help.
until then i need to learn how to live with this, without the insane amount of guilt ...

so, i made the phonecall again, i need this.. am waiting for a call back.

Good for you... I'm so glad to read that you're taking the steps necessary to make sure that YOU are okay. You're right that you can't save your dad -- the best you can do is make sure he knows you're ready to help when he's ready to get help.

Sending you a big hug and all sorts of good thoughts...

[sylvie]

Originally Posted by jenny

Good for you... I'm so glad to read that you're taking the steps necessary to make sure that YOU are okay. You're right that you can't save your dad -- the best you can do is make sure he knows you're ready to help when he's ready to get help.

Sending you a big hug and all sorts of good thoughts...

thanks so much jenny!
i know ive exhausted everything now to try and help, im definitely ready to find some peace with this, it consumes me way too much, especially now.
and when he wants help, i'm definitely there 100%. i've already called and found out everything we need to know, for him.. so hopefully one day he'll reach out..

and hugs right back, thank you for the good thoughts..

and also a BIG thank you to everyone who's also sent me messages to inbox and reps .. i seriously cant thank you all enough.. your advice and thoughts are much appreciated!! makes me thankful i turned here, in the first place, xox!

[Shi]

Hi Sylvie,

Just wondering if you have started going to any meetings yet. My father was an alcoholic too . I started going to meetings a few years before he passed away. It helped me in more ways then you can imagine. I was much like you always running to him whenever he needed me . I learned that I had to stop being an enabler ,I could be there for him but i couldn't save him as much as I wanted too. My father was a great man he was smart, funny,kind and a very loving man and when he was drinking he was always the life of the party. With that being said I also seen a very ugly side to him after the party was over . I think that was the hardest part was seeing someone so loving turn into someone I or my mother didnt even know, A very angry man with so much hurt and anger inside that alcohol could only bring out and believe me it did. Anyways I just stumbled on your post and thought I would lend an ear and to let you know I understand what you are going through. If you feel like talking feel free to send me a message I'll be more then happy to listen.

[girl_dee]

When I saw the title to this thread I stayed away from it because I knew it would hit a deep nerve in me.

(( Sylvie )) i hope you get the help YOU need.. My father is much like yours, and I decided to step away from him. It was not easy. When I was young he was drunk, abusive and disgusting. He ruined my childhood. He almost ruined my adulthood. Our family is a mess because we all deal with the remnants of growing up in that house. I can still smell and see him coming at me in the middle of the night... it makes me physically ill. As an adult, every time he got in trouble he called me and I helped him. His heart is bad after all the years of it. I was the only one there, thru his major heart surgeries.. he had burnt every bridge. He never bothered to even find out if I was dead or alive after Katrina..He has not once reached out to me, it's always me feeling lucky to be in his life.. NOT anymore!!! His last stint was falling and getting a head injury while being drunk, I immediately bought a plane ticket to go see him.. then I backed out and didn't go. This was the very first time I didn't go. He did this, and I refuse to keep running to his side. I hear he now has residual effects of that episode, and I rather not see it first hand. Maybe his Karma is taking care of him, and I don't feel one bit sorry for him.

Alcohol abuse has ruined relationships for me, family wise and personally and I just don't have the tolerance for it anymore. I have my own crosses to bear, but what I do does not affect others. Alcohol abuse does. It's a hard thing to witness.

I did what I had to do for ME, I hope you do the same.

[sylvie]

thank you, so very much..
this community really has a lot of caring people, i'm finding and it's heartwarming.. i really appreciate everyone taking the time to leave notes and advice here as well as messages..

(((huggggs)))

i 'am' working on letting go more.. i have some, and am proud of myself how far i've come with this.. i admit, inside i still feel some guilt - after all he is my father, but i admit that as the days go on, it's feeling a little.. i cant say easier because it's not easier, but maybe more.. i don't know the word i'm looking for, i cant find it..

i have not attended any more meetings, that's something else i will work on doing though.. because i know that is probably what will help me deal with the guilt and letting go emotionally too.. he has an appointment coming up with his neurologist, and he's requested i go as well (the neurologist) .. as it was me he met with when my father was in the hospital.. i guess we'll soon understand the extent of any damage, etc.. and the results of some tests he's had..

this may sound sad to say but, i don't know if my father has had any drinks since then, or lately.. i don't ask anymore, i don't let it consume me anymore.. there are plenty of times i think about it and wonder if he is, but i don't put myself out there anymore.. maybe the less i know, the better..but, i also have been feeling very intolerant.. (for me, this is a good thing)

anyway, thank you so very much .. it means a lot to get the emotional support here that i do.. i knew if i opened up some, it would be a good thing.. everyone here is so helpful, and understanding.. ♥