what NOT to do in a relationship.......

[Rockinonahigh]

Oh yes I get ya'll on the hollering,tickleing and belittling ...one more thing to add..dont ever grab me in anger and threatin me..not cool..u will not win...u will be out the door ina flash.

[Julie]

To be naked ~ Body and Soul
Is a most vulnerable place
Do Not turn your back and walk away
I will never forget that hurt ~ nor will I let it go

[foxyshaman]

Dont start a deep conversation, or try to sort out an issue, when I am on my way to bed. Or when I am in bed. If you want to talk to me, do it when i am awake.

[amiyesiam]

don't call me controlling when I won't do what you want me to do


and don't blame me when you want to do something I don't wan to do and you chose not to do it cause I won't do it.


don't hog the remote, the music, the phone or anything else that impacts me cause i am in the same space

don't expect me to entertain you all the time. I am never bored and there will never be enough hours in the day to learn, do, find out about, discover, read, craft, etc. everything I would want to.

don't tell me you are bored all the time
bored people are lazy or boring in and of them selves.

[NJFemmie]

When arguing or disagreeing, don't make things up based on what "you" might think is true. Too many fights escalate into something entirely different leaving a person to defend themselves from against unfounded accusations.

I'm amazed how many people actually do this sort of thing.

[Jesse]

DO NOT assume that I feel/think one way or the other. This is a HUGE pet peeve for me! ASK me what my thoughts or feelings are instead please. If you do not trust me enough to communicate honestly with me, then why are you here?

[Kenna]

Don't expect TOO much of me...then get upset that I couldn't read your mind or meet every expectation.

[Oiler41]

Originally Posted by NJFemmie

When arguing or disagreeing, don't make things up based on what "you" might think is true. Too many fights escalate into something entirely different leaving a person to defend themselves from against unfounded accusations.

I'm amazed how many people actually do this sort of thing.

Or, a slight variation of this,,,if you (generic you) get confronted with doing whatever it is you shouldn't have been doing (lying, cheating, etc.) don't deny, deny, deny and accuse the person of making unfounded accusations and putting a guilt trip on them for suggesting such a thing, only for them to find out that said accusations were in fact not unfounded at all. But then again, if someone is already violating a relationship in such a fashion and they get caught, a few more lies on what is quite possibly already a big pile probably seems insignificant to them at that moment.

Glynn

[Duchess]

Don't sit on your ass and think it's ok not to work because your partner makes good money. Of course it's a totally different matter if this is a planned arrangement.

Duchess

[Duchess]

Don't fly off the handle with jealous rants and accusations. This makes the Dear John/Jill letter much easier to write. Think before you speak!!!

[dark_crystal]

Originally Posted by amiyesiam

don't call me controlling when I won't do what you want me to do


and don't blame me when you want to do something I don't wan to do and you chose not to do it cause I won't do it.


don't hog the remote, the music, the phone or anything else that impacts me cause i am in the same space

don't expect me to entertain you all the time. I am never bored and there will never be enough hours in the day to learn, do, find out about, discover, read, craft, etc. everything I would want to.

don't tell me you are bored all the time
bored people are lazy or boring in and of them selves.

this reminds me of another one lol...if you want to do something and you ask me "do you want to go to/do X" and i say "no, but i will" either be happy that i am willing or go by yourself....don't start a campaign to convince me i should or do want to- i know what i want. I don't want to go- but i still will go b/c it will make you happy.

[bright_arrow]

Don't change topics when we're having a particularly important one.
It really bothers me when gears are shifted as such.
If you don't want to talk about it, tell me.
I'll still be miffed, but I won't feel as dismissed.

[Scorp]

When having an argument, try not to laugh when she swears (especially when she hardly swears). It makes her think you're not taking the situation too seriously. Also be sure the tv isn't on in the background when having a deep convo. Either hit mute or shut it off altogether so she has your utmost attention. (Now where the hell did I put the remote?)

[dixie]

If you have an issue or a problem, come to me directly. Instead of going behind my back and complaining about whatever it is to whoever you meet, just talk to me about it. I know sometimes this is hard, but it will be easier in the long run. The issue could be something easily fixable or sometimes even just a simple misunderstanding or miscommunication. And please, don't "hint" at it. I am capable of having "duh" moments just like we all sometimes do, so I'm not always quick to pick up the hint. Nothing drives me more nutty than hinting, which can turn to some serious passive aggressiveness if the hints aren't picked up on. I know this. I've been guilty of it myself, numerous times. I still have to stop sometimes and make myself have an open discussion because serious convo can be awkward, embarrassing, painful, etc. It takes time to learn how to communicate and be open with someone, but once you can it tends to make things a whole lot less complicated. It can be enlightening, informative and bring folks closer instead of farther.

[dark_crystal]

Originally Posted by dixielady

Nothing drives me more nutty than hinting, which can turn to some serious passive aggressiveness if the hints aren't picked up on.

OMG so true...hinting brings out counter-passive-aggressiveness in me...b/c when i realize you're hinting at me i automatically get really "dumb"

i do think, however that, for me, it is a good idea to talk a problem over with a trusted friend (or preferably my therapist) before confronting my partner- a lot of the time i need help separating the true issue from whatever fears it triggers in me

[dixie]

Originally Posted by dark_crystal

OMG so true...hinting brings out counter-passive-aggressiveness in me...b/c when i realize you're hinting at me i automatically get really "dumb"

i do think, however that, for me, it is a good idea to talk a problem over with a trusted friend (or preferably my therapist) before confronting my partner- a lot of the time i need help separating the true issue from whatever fears it triggers in me

Oh I agree that talking to a trusted individual is a good idea, because it can help us gain some perspective. I was more referring to the way some folks just throw it out to anyone and everyone. And like I said, I've done it too, so I know firsthand that it can only complicate matters.