Friends of Bill W.

[LeftWriteFemme]

August 5



What are We Fighting For



Instead of competition for dominance we would benefit from cooperation for survival. The struggle to become the very best destroyers in the world very well might make us postmortem champions. Why is it that the lions don’t work to eradiate hyenas? They could, but they don’t. Why not, is the ever present question on my mind. I have no answer as to why we strive to conquer. A thousand platitudes come to mind, but nothing fast or tight, nothing that holds water. So, the question remains; why are we hell bent?







Welcome help
*

MY TALE

I must be my own tattletale.
I must give my sponsor bullets to shoot down my disease
Anything I nurture and protect will grow and take me over.

It is up to me to choose if I will feed my ailment or my health
My life will be consumed that is a guarantee,
All things feed into others.

The direction this meal takes is my daily decision.
The bull’s eye can be hit if I describe the target.
The ending will be happy if the story I tell is my own.

[LeftWriteFemme]

August 6



I didn’t mean to make you laugh



You think I’m witty, well, yes, I have always been like this, no one knew quite what to do with me as a small child, but I have grown into this acumen, or possibly grown out into it is closer to accurate. I was dark witted when I was young, I think of myself as less so now, optimism is a blessing I have gained through the years, it feels good and I keep it close. I need to be a blithe spirit to travel the road I do. Tears have their place, I know that for sure, but I rather not go around with a puss on all day and all night. Additionally it is so much about perspective; you see, the honey makes the peas taste funny but now they stick to my knife.





Assign colors to numbers

*

I AM

I am my own hope.
The spring of willingness flows within me
And makes everything possible.

I am my own dream.
Colors and sprinkles fly in my mind
And mix with a sprites laugh
And make me enchanted.

I am my own joy.
Filled with wonder and delight,
My quick turns and ready mind warm
My heart and pink my checks.

I am my own prize.
New and exciting everyday
That I am myself, I win.

[LeftWriteFemme]

August 7



I Beg


The embarrassment of need is a haunting guest who will not leave. I turn in a tight circle trying to find a way to detach this wart and move gracefully from the site of devastation, but it looms large and overshadows today’s possibilities and robs tomorrows gold. What I cannot do for myself, the magic I cannot yet perform, stands between me and contentment, stands there wearing your face; touching my mind with your fingertips. I pray that you are not the answer for I cannot depend on you, but I think of you and the little bell rings and I am hungry. Desire is a gift. Desiring you is the burden whose shadow I can’t escape. I close my eyes to the light you emit; I cannot close my heart. All that’s left is pleading; please come home and fill me or leave and lock the door and let me grieve in peace.







Treat your health like your job, treat your health like your investment, treat your health like your life; it is

*

ROCK BOTTOM PRICES

Marble topped dressers, dry sinks and wardrobes,
Stand in the auctioneer’s warehouse
Showing loving use and obvious value.

The hungry consumers peruse the merchandise
Looking for the perfect pieces
To fit their need.

Old men eating ice cream sandwiches pick their way through
The rows of tidbits laid out on the lawn,
Bargains to fill odd spaces and little desires.

So like out meeting places, people trying to refurnish their lives.
The cost to arrive may have been high
But once in the market is more than fair.

We reclaim relics and we use them as road signs and warnings.
There is always someone around to carry large truths home
And no one has to go away empty handed.

We bid on our own survival by buying someone else a break.
Time passes easily as the one at the podium
Recounts the rock bottom prices.

[LeftWriteFemme]

August 8


Stand Hear


The spins and pirouettes I have preformed in an attempt to avoid facing the music, were impressive but futile and ultimately delayed the beauty possible for me in this life. When I stop my running and turn on my heel there is a world of harmony waiting to take me for a turn out on the dance floor. Melody is not what I was expecting. I was so sure I would be drummed out of my life, not trumpeted in. My surety set in motion much of my convoluted activity and caused me great distress. It is high time I listen with eyes open and my reactions leashed; allowing the tune to introduce me to life and lead me to my bliss.





Let bad habits run away from home; pack their bags when you can

*

DON’T BE

Don’t be stupid.
Don’t be crazy.
Don’t be anything out of the ordinary.

Don’t be angry.
Don’t be hateful.
Just don’t be that way.

Don’t be sad.
Don’t be mopy
Smile fore the camera and pretend for everyone.

I often wondered why I felt like dyeing
And it took me years to understand why,
Don’t be, equals = Death.

Don’t feel.
Don’t cry.
Don’t love
.
Life is about action, presence and content.
You’re wrong if you break the rules
And dead if you keep them.

So please don’t be Them.
Look back when you have to
But step out of the grave.

[LeftWriteFemme]

August 9



Pick up Your Hammer and Saw

The task infers the tool. I know this, yet I resist clearly mapping my insanity. I look into the well of my despair then quickly I look away, I fear informing G-d what I need lest the need be filled. I need to believe that a power will heal me, but if I am provided with the force of life, I shrink from the prospect. This too, must be added to the list of my emotional woes and mental shortages. This too, will be healed. I look at my problems and then realize, that like the moon, who pulls the water from dry shore to dry shore, solutions are installed in heaven and earth if I know what the problem is.





Experiment, start living a dream


*
COMFORT AND WILLINGNESS

Closer than comfort is willingness.
Comfort is at the skin
But willingness is under it.

I can live without comfort
But not without willingness
Both are unseen but felt deeply.

Willingness drives to the destination
And comfort settles me in once there.
Comfort is a gift like warmth,
Willingness is a gift like breath.

I have been tempted to let go of willingness
To hold onto comfort.
True willingness brings true comfort
Never the other way around.

No matter where I have to go
Willingness will take me there,
I hope comfort will follow.

[Soft*Silver]

Next Sunday, I am going to give my first lead since my relapse nov 13 2008.

How grateful I am...

[LeftWriteFemme]

Hey Friends of Bill, Jimmy, Lois and so on who are going to the Reunion,

I spoke to the GSR of the gay meeting in Little Rock and she explained to me that the only gay meetings are Friday and Sunday evenings. We had hoped that there were day time meetings that we could visit while in town, but alas this will not work out. So I purpose that folks PM me and let me know when they would like to meet. Tommi and I are morning people and 7:45 AM Friday morning has been suggested, but if there is a time that would be better please let me know.

Thanks very much,

Sherrie