Picking apart a femme

Words · 08-19-2010, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by softness

[COLOR="RoyalBlue"]To me, "picking apart" a femme is akin to making notice of a male IDd butch's chest/breast size (no, I am not calling them breasts....but thats my point, to do so would "pick apart" the butch)[COLOR]

And to assume that all male ID'd butches would object to having their chest/breasts referred to as breasts is just rude.

We're talking about individuals here.

Words

theoddz · 08-19-2010, 09:32 AM

Ms. Softness, I know you are probably directing your questions to the Femmes here, but I have to say something about all people and being a decent human being, in general.

I think it is terrible form and an utter lack of common decency and manners for anyone, be they Butch, Femme, Trans, etc., to point out another person's physical characteristics in a disrespectful or demeaning way. No one is perfect, in either thought or deed, but to focus on another person's physical attributes as a way of cutting them down just seems to go beyond the beyonds of ill manners.....at least to me. I guess some folks need to demean others in order to feel better about themselves.

My Pop has always taught me that "Critical judgment is self judgment". When a person points a judgmental finger at another, three fingers point back at them.

Thank you for allowing me to comment in your thread.

Respectfully,
~Theo~

Delish · 08-19-2010, 09:49 AM

[QUOTE=theoddz;177377][FONT="Book Antiqua"][SIZE="4"][COLOR="Black"]

My Pop has always taught me that "Critical judgment is self judgment". When a person points a judgmental finger at another, three fingers point back at them.

Sounds like your pop was a good man

Softness, I get what you are saying. I don't believe I have ever had it done to me, but I have had a friend that could never live up to her gf's "ideal" woman. She knew this going into the relationship but fell in love so hard it didn't matter. Eventually, her gf's comments pertaining to her size, hair color, length of hair ETC got old and they broke up. So far, the gf hasn't found anyone in her "league".
OH..and neither one of them are on this site

lipstixgal · 08-19-2010, 09:56 AM

I try not to pick apart anybody I have my own faults I'm short and overweight which isn't good but I do get by so I wouldn't want anyone to pick apart me. I had that with my own family and don't bother with them any longer because of it, just try to stay with friends who are supportive of my goals!!

T D · 08-19-2010, 10:08 AM

Welllllll, if someone made a point of saying something (especially in front of others) about my physical appearance that they consider a weakness or flaw (or whatever), I'd kick their ass to the curb. At some point in life I made a conscious decision that I "don't need this shit", and I don't. No one does!

Soft*Silver · 08-19-2010, 10:14 AM

TD...sometimes people say things and dont realize they are being insensitive (OH LORD i just did it myself! So anyone can do this!) This thread isnt about beating up on anyone...or abusiveness. This thread is about the "innocent" remarks people say when they arent thinking clearly or have no frame of reference to know this might be a sensitive area.

I too would dismiss anyone who was intentionally cruel or plain old nasty. My BF wasnt. He just didnt realize how it could affect me when my thin upper lip was pointed out...and even when I said it made me uncomfortable, he still didnt get it. He kept telling me he meant no harm. And he didnt. He loved me. He wasnt being a heel. He was just being...uhmmm....dense?

Quote:

Originally Posted by T D

Welllllll, if someone made a point of saying something (especially in front of others) about my physical appearance that they consider a weakness or flaw (or whatever), I'd kick their ass to the curb. At some point in life I made a conscious decision that I "don't need this shit", and I don't. No one does!

Liam · 08-19-2010, 10:23 AM

I believe this example can apply to anyone, regardless of how they identify; I have encountered people who ask the same question, almost each time they speak to me—"are you really _______?" If they were over 70 or had dementia, I would not pay much attention to the repeated question, but when that isn't the case, and I have answered the question over and over faithfully, I feel like they are not interested in knowing the truth, and are invested somehow, in a different answer. It is most interesting that when I lie, and reply, "no," their questions regarding that particular subject end. Quite often, I never hear from them again. Good riddance, I say.

SuperFemme · 08-19-2010, 11:27 AM

Usually the picking apart for *me* happens by other Femmes. I have been mostly adored, respected, loved, and enjoyed friendships with other Femmes, Butches (of all ID's, Transmen, Transwomen, Human Beings and Nuns.

My insecurities do not equal a lack of sensitivity on the part of others.

08-19-2010, 09:32 AM	#2
theoddz Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Cranky Old Poop Preferred Pronoun?: Mr. Beast Relationship Status: Married to a beautiful babe whom I don't deserve. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Central Texas Posts: 3,544 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,162 Thanked 9,939 Times in 2,516 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Ms. Softness, I know you are probably directing your questions to the Femmes here, but I have to say something about all people and being a decent human being, in general. I think it is terrible form and an utter lack of common decency and manners for anyone, be they Butch, Femme, Trans, etc., to point out another person's physical characteristics in a disrespectful or demeaning way. No one is perfect, in either thought or deed, but to focus on another person's physical attributes as a way of cutting them down just seems to go beyond the beyonds of ill manners.....at least to me. I guess some folks need to demean others in order to feel better about themselves. My Pop has always taught me that *"Critical judgment is self judgment". When a person points a judgmental finger at another, three fingers point back at them. Thank you for allowing me to comment in your thread. Respectfully, ~Theo~* __________________ *"All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."* -- J. R. R. Tolkien Last edited by theoddz; 08-19-2010 at 10:02 AM. Reason: My grammar isn't great first thing in the morning.

08-19-2010, 09:49 AM	#3
Delish Member How Do You Identify?: Queen of our castle Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: She put a ring on it and the date is set :) Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Missouri...in her arms :) Posts: 1,089 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,279 Thanked 834 Times in 427 Posts Rep Power: 3888561	[QUOTE=theoddz;177377][FONT="Book Antiqua"][SIZE="4"][COLOR="Black"] My Pop has always taught me that *"Critical judgment is self judgment"*. When a person points a judgmental finger at another, three fingers point back at them. Sounds like your pop was a good man Softness, I get what you are saying. I don't believe I have ever had it done to me, but I have had a friend that could never live up to her gf's "ideal" woman. She knew this going into the relationship but fell in love so hard it didn't matter. Eventually, her gf's comments pertaining to her size, hair color, length of hair ETC got old and they broke up. So far, the gf hasn't found anyone in her "league". OH..and neither one of them are on this site __________________

08-19-2010, 10:08 AM	#5
T D Member How Do You Identify?: Person of the trans variety Preferred Pronoun?: He, Sir, Bro, TD, Stevin Relationship Status: On occasion Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: SF Bay Area Posts: 1,165 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,428 Thanked 1,125 Times in 311 Posts Rep Power: 3570339	Welllllll, if someone made a point of saying something (especially in front of others) about my physical appearance that they consider a weakness or flaw (or whatever), I'd kick their ass to the curb. At some point in life I made a conscious decision that I "don't need this shit", and I don't. No one does! __________________ “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

08-19-2010, 10:23 AM	#7
Liam Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Guy Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him, His Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The Evergreen State Posts: 2,269 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,865 Thanked 6,875 Times in 1,861 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I believe this example can apply to anyone, regardless of how they identify; I have encountered people who ask the same question, almost each time they speak to me—"are you really _______?" If they were over 70 or had dementia, I would not pay much attention to the repeated question, but when that isn't the case, and I have answered the question over and over faithfully, I feel like they are not interested in knowing the truth, and are invested somehow, in a different answer. It is most interesting that when I lie, and reply, "no," their questions regarding that particular subject end. Quite often, I never hear from them again. Good riddance, I say. __________________ <3 Love is weird.

08-19-2010, 09:56 AM	#4
lipstixgal Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: coupled Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: New Jersey Posts: 3,028 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 201 Thanked 1,690 Times in 1,064 Posts Rep Power: 1494761	I try not to pick apart anybody I have my own faults I'm short and overweight which isn't good but I do get by so I wouldn't want anyone to pick apart me. I had that with my own family and don't bother with them any longer because of it, just try to stay with friends who are supportive of my goals!!

08-19-2010, 11:27 AM	#8
SuperFemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atascadero, CA Posts: 4,933 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,309 Thanked 7,108 Times in 2,327 Posts Rep Power: 0	Usually the picking apart for me happens by other Femmes. I have been mostly adored, respected, loved, and enjoyed friendships with other Femmes, Butches (of all ID's, Transmen, Transwomen, Human Beings and Nuns. My insecurities do not equal a lack of sensitivity on the part of others.