Open Letter: Dear Femme

[apretty]

Originally Posted by Bit

What bothers me now is that to me, personally, it seems like Kosmo has been silenced--and not just Kosmo, but by extension all the Butches/Transmen in this thread. I read all those posts saying "why are we always the ones who are "supportive"? Why can't our partners be supportive?" here is a masculine person being supportive, answering a question asked by someone in the community.... but the response we give is "please don't."

one way that we can be more-than 'supportive' of our masculine counterparts is to not speak for them (and vice-versa). additionally, there are times when the most supportive thing a person can do is *shut up*. (of course i'm not telling anyone to shut up, here--but i am speaking from my personal experience.) and stepping away from the conversation intended for a select group of peoples (like, dear femme...) is about being a good *listener* and not about *silencing* it's about the femme-peoples carving out specific space for those *femmes* and everyone respecting it. and no femme person in that femme-person space, as i see it, should be apologetic for saying polite but firm, 'no, thank you' when the very act of speaking-for is being demonstrated.

*Bit: i tried to get your font when i quoted you, but i had to guess. sorry for altering it. *

[Bit]

Well, like I said Adele, apretty, maybe it's just my perception. Maybe I've been silenced so many times that I'm really sensitive to it.

apretty, Verdana size three, and thank you for trying to figure it out.

[Bit]

{{{{{{{{{{{Dusa}}}}}}}}}}}

Big love to you, my sister Femme, for your courage and your grace, for your generosity, and for your willingness to recognize limits and endings.

Big love to you for being willing to say you are afraid, have been afraid, want to stop being afraid, have acted in spite of being afraid.

Big love to you, oh Medusa of the scary name and vulnerable heart, for being you. What you are doing might hurt like all hell but you are doing what is right for you and that is okay. You're supposed to.

Yes, you will mourn. Who doesn't mourn the end of a dream, especially the kind of dream that sustains us through the long lonelinesses and promises to build brighter tomorrows? Who doesn't mourn the loss of a community, however large or small, that fits us, that we wish would fit us forever? Who doesn't mourn the loss of friends?

I suppose there are probably those among us who are able to be fully honest and authentic and also never have to deal with fear of confrontations... but I am not one of them; my authentic self still shies away from conflict, and so I hold you close, Dusa, close in my heart, because I recognize how hard it is to do the thing which you are doing and my heart aches for you even as it makes space for you.

Be strong, sweet one, and keep faith with yourself. Remember that the strong can cry, can ask for help, can ask for support, can ask for love. It is your resolve that makes you strong, and your willingness to do what is painful but necessary. Your tears cannot make you anything less than a strong proud authentic honest Femme, doing what she knows is right.

Bright Blessings, Sister.

My heart to you and my tears for you,
Cath