Message In A Bottle

Nat · 09-05-2010, 03:04 AM

all my words come back to me in shades of mediocrity

it's more than easy at this time of night, alone with one's thoughts and memories, to take out the critical carving knives and slice up one's past actions and words, recent past to ancient past.

unforgiveness is the kind of thing that keeps slicing.

there once lived a person whom I could forgive no matter what. i met him back before I understood the pitfalls of adult love. on the days when I believe in reincarnation, I imagine I was his mother in a past life. Josh, the first person outside my family whom I loved, and I did love him dearly. I still love him dearly. When I'm old, if I make it to "old," I will still love him dearly. He still visits in dreams. He died this last May in a car wreck. Today is his 33rd birthday.

All week I have been so troubled about him. Just really feeling the loss. Every September I think of him. my one greatest failing and the biggest tragedy in my life was that I did not somehow divert him from his trajectory, that as a teen I didn't have the will, the power, the right words or actions to prevent or stop the violence in his life. I have already said most of what I need to say regarding him - here and elsewhere. Happy birthday to Josh, to the 14-15 year old Josh who has never grown up in my heart. In some other reality he could have lived an entirely different life. He could still be breathing. But that's not the way it happened, and it's hard sometimes to accept the unnegotiable reality of death.

He was the only person I was infinitely capable of forgiving. I never gave that to anybody else, least of all myself. and I made the mistake, repeatedly, of holding other lovers and friends accountable for the pain I have carried all my life. And for that, I have mountains of regrets and sad memories. On this imagined shore, I'm tossing bottles far out into the waves. Bottles of contrition, bottles of regret, bottles of forgiveness, bottles of kinder goodbyes, bottles of thanks. To all the people who ever hurt me. To all the people I ever hurt. Especially to the ones who have been on both the giving and receiving ends of hurt when it comes to me.

JakeTulane · 09-05-2010, 08:08 AM

Thank you for you. you have added more color to My world.

sylvie · 09-28-2010, 12:57 PM

- depositing the frustration with myself and sending it out to get lost at sea!

i'm getting myself back on that journey.. i don't think i ever really let it go, but just get so busy and lose track of time.. i need to 'make' time, i'm worth it!

Kätzchen · 10-23-2010, 01:55 PM

Fireflies

I touch God in my song
as the hill touches the far-away sea
with its waterfall.
The butterfly counts not months but moments,
and has time enough.
Let my love, like sunlight, surround you
and yet give you illumined freedom.
Love remains a secret even when spoken,
for only a lover truly knows that he is loved.
Emancipation from the bondage of the soil
is no freedom for the tree.
In love I pay my endless debt to thee
for what thou art.

-Rabindranath Tagore

>> Link <<

Tcountry · 10-24-2010, 05:48 AM

*sits to write...thinking there is no good way to put what I feel*

Of all the things I have read and learned, a few stay in my head:
Always welcome a stranger with a smile...for you know not who they are or what thay have been through just to meet you.
Keep your fork...the best is yet to come...
Hope for the best but always be prepared for the worst.
Love, hugs, smiles, time, and kind words are all free...give generously
And, most of all, I wish you enough...

*rolls paper...adjusts hat...corks bottle, and tosses it out*

katsarecool · 10-24-2010, 08:28 AM

Sometimes topics turned stale get revived and a new member gets a gift!

JustBeingMe · 10-24-2010, 02:50 PM

Unrolls paper, ink pen in hand and writes :
For my child A~~~~~~~:
I love you and I always will.
Signed,
Your Da da

Rolls paper up, pokes into bottle, corks it up, and .............................

Blade · 10-25-2010, 06:06 PM

Pulls cork....takes out the pen...and writes

You'll find many thing on this earth that have many uses. You'll find ways to recycle and reuse things. You'll find ways to break down things and recycle them. It's all good.

The one thing you can not recycle is TIME

Time is not recyclable... don't waste it....use it wisely...take care of ya business and do it in time.

WolfyOne · 10-26-2010, 09:25 AM

My message today: what doesn't kill you will make you stronger

girl_dee · 11-28-2010, 12:42 PM

writing on fine parchment with a long feathered Quill pen..

Life is too fucking short. Find your happiness. You have no room in your life for negative nonsense.. when you let that go, you have more room for the warm fuzzy stuff...

Pops corks and lets it go...

09-05-2010, 03:04 AM	#1
Nat Senior Member How Do You Identify?: bigender (DID System) Preferred Pronoun?: he/him or alter-specific Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Central TX Posts: 3,537 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,047 Thanked 13,963 Times in 2,589 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	all my words come back to me in shades of mediocrity it's more than easy at this time of night, alone with one's thoughts and memories, to take out the critical carving knives and slice up one's past actions and words, recent past to ancient past. unforgiveness is the kind of thing that keeps slicing. there once lived a person whom I could forgive no matter what. i met him back before I understood the pitfalls of adult love. on the days when I believe in reincarnation, I imagine I was his mother in a past life. Josh, the first person outside my family whom I loved, and I did love him dearly. I still love him dearly. When I'm old, if I make it to "old," I will still love him dearly. He still visits in dreams. He died this last May in a car wreck. Today is his 33rd birthday. All week I have been so troubled about him. Just really feeling the loss. Every September I think of him. my one greatest failing and the biggest tragedy in my life was that I did not somehow divert him from his trajectory, that as a teen I didn't have the will, the power, the right words or actions to prevent or stop the violence in his life. I have already said most of what I need to say regarding him - here and elsewhere. Happy birthday to Josh, to the 14-15 year old Josh who has never grown up in my heart. In some other reality he could have lived an entirely different life. He could still be breathing. But that's not the way it happened, and it's hard sometimes to accept the unnegotiable reality of death. He was the only person I was infinitely capable of forgiving. I never gave that to anybody else, least of all myself. and I made the mistake, repeatedly, of holding other lovers and friends accountable for the pain I have carried all my life. And for that, I have mountains of regrets and sad memories. On this imagined shore, I'm tossing bottles far out into the waves. Bottles of contrition, bottles of regret, bottles of forgiveness, bottles of kinder goodbyes, bottles of thanks. To all the people who ever hurt me. To all the people I ever hurt. Especially to the ones who have been on both the giving and receiving ends of hurt when it comes to me. __________________ I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl

09-28-2010, 12:57 PM	#3
sylvie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Mr Mtn's babygirl Preferred Pronoun?: girly, she Relationship Status: fiercely protected ♥ Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Moving home in OR with Him VERY soooon !! Posts: 2,548 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,834 Thanked 7,501 Times in 1,850 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	- depositing the frustration with myself and sending it out to get lost at sea! i'm getting myself back on that journey.. i don't think i ever really let it go, but just get so busy and lose track of time.. i need to 'make' time, i'm worth it! __________________ my Mantra: i am letting go of angers, continuing to find forgiveness, welcoming inner peace & deserving of it all. my facebook weight loss page: http://www.facebook.com/asyllyjourney

10-24-2010, 05:48 AM	#5
Tcountry Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Country Boi Preferred Pronoun?: call it as u see it Relationship Status: Completely...complete ;) Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Either at the beach or in the pool Posts: 1,665 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,929 Thanked 4,287 Times in 1,181 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	sits to write...thinking there is no good way to put what I feel Of all the things I have read and learned, a few stay in my head: Always welcome a stranger with a smile...for you know not who they are or what thay have been through just to meet you. Keep your fork...the best is yet to come... Hope for the best but always be prepared for the worst. Love, hugs, smiles, time, and kind words are all free...give generously And, most of all, I wish you enough... rolls paper...adjusts hat...corks bottle, and tosses it out __________________ "You don't Find life worth living; You MAKE IT that way"

10-24-2010, 08:28 AM	#6
katsarecool Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Woman Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Between Athens and Atlanta, Georgia Posts: 1,236 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,849 Thanked 1,765 Times in 734 Posts Rep Power: 323367	Sometimes topics turned stale get revived and a new member gets a gift! __________________

10-24-2010, 02:50 PM	#7
JustBeingMe Senior Member How Do You Identify?: as ME Relationship Status: I don't need no stinking status. Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: somewhere you're not..... Posts: 1,808 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,961 Thanked 1,690 Times in 694 Posts Rep Power: 12813869	Unrolls paper, ink pen in hand and writes : For my child A~~~~~~~: I love you and I always will. Signed, Your Da da Rolls paper up, pokes into bottle, corks it up, and ............................. __________________ Nothing more, Nothing less, I'm Just Being Me

09-05-2010, 08:08 AM	#2
JakeTulane Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Mr. Prickly Porcupine Preferred Pronoun?: Butch - Hy, Hym, Hys Relationship Status: She has softened My quills Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Permanently Banned 8/8/2011 Posts: 4,880 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,221 Thanked 5,264 Times in 2,732 Posts Rep Power: 0	Thank you for you. you have added more color to My world.

10-23-2010, 01:55 PM	#4
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: As a Brick House (Femme) Relationship Status: Busy (involved with a special someone here at home) Join Date: May 2010 Location: In a small community Posts: 16,270 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,302 Thanked 33,633 Times in 10,725 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	Fireflies I touch God in my song as the hill touches the far-away sea with its waterfall. The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. Let my love, like sunlight, surround you and yet give you illumined freedom. Love remains a secret even when spoken, for only a lover truly knows that he is loved. Emancipation from the bondage of the soil is no freedom for the tree. In love I pay my endless debt to thee for what thou art. -Rabindranath Tagore >> Link <<

10-25-2010, 06:06 PM	#8
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,412 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Pulls cork....takes out the pen...and writes You'll find many thing on this earth that have many uses. You'll find ways to recycle and reuse things. You'll find ways to break down things and recycle them. It's all good. The one thing you can not recycle is TIME Time is not recyclable... don't waste it....use it wisely...take care of ya business and do it in time. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

10-26-2010, 09:25 AM	#9
WolfyOne Magically Delicious How Do You Identify?: Gentle Butch Relationship Status: Single and content Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 6,558 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22,052 Thanked 15,391 Times in 4,138 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	My message today: what doesn't kill you will make you stronger __________________ Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage --- Lao Tzo

11-28-2010, 12:42 PM	#10
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	writing on fine parchment with a long feathered Quill pen.. Life is too fucking short. Find your happiness. You have no room in your life for negative nonsense.. when you let that go, you have more room for the warm fuzzy stuff... Pops corks and lets it go...