Negotiating Silence

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by NotAnAverageGuy

I agree with the first paragraph, and I do know people do, do those things on purpose.

I am just the type who says what and to whom I want to in public, that's how I was brought up. I am also very blunt, honest and rude about things when pissed off.

And my truth is that I know that when I am angry or worse, hurt, I can be very very strident and razor-sharp. I used to have a good friend I could send things to for "review" before posting. That relationship has changed so I don't have that luxury anymore.

When I am angry, I do my best to not post or to phrase it so that it is very clear that I am angry and venting.

If I am hurt, I tend to lash out at anything and anyone that moves. When I had to put my beloved dog down a month ago today, I went no mail on several email lists and locked myself down on how and what to post.

I do not want to be that person anymore. That is part of the bitter, gossiping woman I have made a pledge to not be.

So, when I can't seek joy and I know I'm angry or hurt, I will remove myself as much as possible from the "easy" targets some forums (online lists and chats for the most part) make.

That way I can't show my rear so much. It's not easy. I've shown that part of my anatomy A LOT. Many people still expect it. That is not within my hula-hoop. All I can do is move forward and keep within my personal boundaries as best I can.

So, there are times when I silence myself intentionally.