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Breakups, Lessons Learned, Healing PLEASE do not use this forum for ugliness or nasty posts. |
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#1 |
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I have tried to do the right thing, be the better person, and be civil or at least try to still be friends with my exes. Unfortunately, they never wanted to.... even though they were the ones who broke up with me! I have seen some of them out at clubs/bars that I was at and they would look at me like I was the bad guy in all of it. I have even gone as far as to text some of them on holidays and wish them the best of those days. I would always get a nasty response, like they thought I was trying to be sly with what I was saying. Even though it would say something like, Hope you have a great Thanksgiving.
The good thing about all this, is that at least I know I tried! ~J~
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#2 |
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I think everyone has their own way of dealing with things...
It is my belief that if you don't wind up friends you probably didnt have that much in common to be great lovers anyway...I know it seems silly but it happens... Some people are better off friends than lovers... And some are better off learning that hard way that lovers was all it was... But the best relationships start with friends and develop into lovers... course that is the opinion of a cheezy hopeless romantic...what do I know! ![]()
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#3 |
Member
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I've been pretty lucky over the years with my exes.
My first boyfriend from high school was a dear friend of mine for many years after we broke up and I still care about him very much (though we lost touch and I haven't been able to find him in recent years). The guy I lost my V-card to is a Facebook friend and we have stayed in touch over the years. We weren't great together at all, but he's interesting and we share similar politics so it's nice to touch base every once in a while. My most recent ex, M, is a wonderful woman. She's funny and caring and has a huge heart. I wish we were closer than we are. There certainly aren't any hard feelings and our break-up was honest and timely. We've cross paths occasionally and we always enjoy catching up when we do see each other. Maybe down the road our paths will intersect again and we'll be friends. Looking back, I think I've just been very lucky that the majority of my relationships ended at a point when both of us were ready to move on and, though painful or tear-filled, it was never nasty or hurtful. |
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#4 |
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I haven't been fortunate enough to cultivate breaks ups that have easily mainstreamed into friendships. Some have found the way there, but it's been through time and patience, and there's been work put into each one. I do have hope that some other exes and I shall remain friends in time but I'm fully aware that it may never happen. All relationships take work and effort on the parts of all the participants, and if one isn't playing ball, then the game goes to Hell and gets called off.
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#5 |
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My ex contacted me last year wanted to be friends on fb but it didn't work out she said she wanted to get back together but she also said she is MOrmon and can't do that..so no we are not friends at this time and I don't know if I want to be friends it was a hurtful time in my life but that was a long time ago so maybe I should forgive her and move on which I'm trying to do...
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#6 |
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Making "peace" and being friends are two different things..IMO
If I see an ex, I'd be cordial...I'd put em out if they were on fire, maybe.. but friends? no thanks,, I left them and the pain the caused behind.. I don't feel a need to have them in my life at all and I would not want my current partner to deal with my bringing old flames into our relationship circle. I guess when I'm done, I'm done. I've been the one to leave relationships, and for a reason. I also feel that once you have been intimate and/or had a relationship, its not just a plain ole friendship .. it's much deeper a that. I don't get how people refer to exes as just *friends* when you've already gone beyond that and back. It's a deeper relationship and that's ok too, the feelings are different, your energy is different than people you are simply friends with. If there are kids involved being peaceful is of course the only way to go. It's also very awkward for the new partner to have to deal with. It's doable, but only with lots of TLC. I guess I just don't need to be close to people I am no longer involved with, maybe I don't like being reminded of the pain the bastards caused me and the fact that I allowed them to hurt me ! ahem. ![]() |
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#7 |
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I have been lucky in that I have enough in common with almost all my exes to still maintain close friendships. Just because we did not work out as a couple, does not mean they won't make an awesome friend.
![]() I count myself VERY lucky! ![]()
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#8 |
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I still love each and every one of my exes. No matter how we ended or the reasons why we ended is not so important to me. What is important, is what brought us together to begin with and hopefully be reminded of this.
I just cannot imagine, loving someone so much one day and then not the next. One of my exes is not alive anymore... And I really miss her. Our breakup was not the best and it put me in a pretty ugly financial situation. I could have certainly gone the "hate" route with her. But dammit, she is gone now, and if I did not have those moments after we broke up, to let her know I loved her (still) even up to the day before she died (suicide)... I know, I would be carrying this deeply within me. She knew I loved her before she died and I knew she loved me. We were lucky we resolved our issues. Sometimes, hating can become a permanent fixture - if you are not allowed to work through the ugly with the person. Sometimes we don't get a second chance.
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#9 |
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Interesting.....
I have found it both ways....being friends with an ex or not having contact at all and it depends on several things for me....given the situation and how the breakup was handled and why it happened to begin with. Most of my exes i don't have to deal with, i don't have to see, i don't have to think about and some have not been forgiven by perhaps what they did to be my ex to begin with. Those people are just forgotten by me and no longer exist in my world by my choice or by theirs...don't matter, they are simply gone. However, there are a couple that I want to remain friends with. Why? cause i simply adore them. Maybe it didn't work out on the romantic side either for lack of connection or timing or whatever. Different reasons each but, that doesn't mean that I want to block them from my world if they are receptive with it in return. I enjoy a couple of friendships with exes but I do believe, in my experience, that it takes time to get to that point and things have to come full circle and those hurt feelings have to heal. But when they do and you can talk with someone that you have feelings for whatever those feelings may be...it is a true gift to you both. Boundries have to be set and hearts have to be protected...but it's a blessing when it happens...imo.
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~ I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou |
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