Dating and Race

waxnrope · 09-22-2010, 09:18 AM

i am still having some difficulty with what you've expressed, Dragonfly, and I take you at your word of being shy and socially inept, so such difficulties may be a combination of factors, including my own misperceptions. So, please hang in there with me as I try to get what you are saying.

Where I pause and scratch my behind now is why you need to ask if a POC dates outside of their race. Why can't you just ask for a date? Do you not think this other person recognizes that there exists a distinction between you?

And why is it important for you to know any and all of their "experience/s"? For ME, asking this, and I don't know you, don't trust you (yet), that would cause, at the least, much discomfort. It would feel, to ME, like you were doing a survey. Am I missing something here? Let me know. Thanks.

Dragonfly · 09-22-2010, 09:43 PM

Ok thank you for asking publically so that anyone else reading with your interpretation and in depth analyzation can read my thoughts in response. I have never asked anyone on a date. I have never made the first move on someone I have been dating. I am 34 years old. Its not going to change just because of a slight variance in race unless I keep receiving info from supportive friends that given our area and such it really is a valid consideration. In this case since w dicussed so many likes and dislikes I am correct that it is Possible she has waaay more reason to fear hearing the same response I'm afraid of... You have no chance cause of how you were born. Maybe because so many times it is gender or sexuality differences that others have cued me by asking me first. When I said use this thread to talk about something other than why someone doesn't mention race among other things, when like you say "can tell the obvious differences" so I should be my usual passive self and let an opportunity pass me by or ask my peers for perspective somewhere we are encouraged to ask? I wasn't meaning my dates experiences or someone educate me I only meant use a useless thread I don't need because I took good advice already from a pm, that maybe others could talk about their experiences with interracial dating "on this thread" for support not driving miss daisy anything.

waxnrope · 09-23-2010, 06:30 AM

Uh, ok

The_Lady_Snow · 09-23-2010, 08:37 AM

Are you experiencing issues with dating outside
your race?

:/~ still confused

Dragonfly · 09-23-2010, 10:53 AM

Am I experiencing difficulties.... If you were to ask others around us they may say yes. But there are not enough intimate details on these posts for anyone to be able to speak for me honestly. Since the other person is my race plus another race I am not sure that is totally outside mine exactly , I was rightly worried she was not asking about my likes or limits concerning race( while was leading our "convo" thru the rest of the things people ask about like, what's your type ____? Kind of questions.) Did it just not matter to her to skip it but ask about I D related things or could it be that she was more leary to rush that question and connect other ways with race coming into our talks later when we are closer to share more sensitive experiences. I thot she wasn't asking me out and was still feeling things out before risking my rejection. I mean if I'm scared she and I connect like we do yet have no chance. I felt the same about my sexuality and I D but like I said I respond to NOT initiate so far. So in my comfort zone it was LIKELY I should have swallowed my stomach back down and made extra efforts I don't usually make. Feelling like you are gonna pass out hyperventillating in nervous crushing. Anywho it doesn't matter because as some have already said if she asks you out then she likes you. Well maybe I like her too much to take the chance some of you are not familiar with all the info.which is my reasoning for reaching out here... I mean if I can't handle a couple habitual online bullies or the occasonal judgement on me I got no business wasting anyones time and I am definately not ready to be carrying part of that load someone mentioned earlier. I personally think a thread like this has more help to offer than harm. Probably wrong about that and if my "crush" Or "future date" appreciated my consideration of how hard it may be to bring up for even a very dominant personality.... I feel I have all the support and insight I need from the person I like now... seeing that maybe I'm the only one who thought her not asking me was saying I should care enough to be a little uncomfy at least with one aspect, anyway by some miracle I'm not too big an idiot for her cause she really does like me and let me know with a convo about a hug coulda been longer or have more of them so we figured it out at the stage of this we are at. I think it helps if my possible date understands that while I have had many physical relationships I am very very limited experience with starting relationships before a friendship. Just one and it wasn't healthy.

The_Lady_Snow · 09-23-2010, 11:09 AM

Wow!

Color me lost

I really am trying to understand

I can't seem to

waxnrope · 09-23-2010, 11:27 AM

I am thinking of a John Lenon song, "Let it Be," right now ...

Thank you for trying to respond to our confusion.

Ebon · 09-23-2010, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Are you experiencing issues with dating outside
your race?

:/~ still confused

No she wants to know if the woman who is POC that she is interested in likes white ladies. So she started this thread to see if people had input on when was a good time to ask the person of interest that question. They are past that now, I think. The reason everyone was confused, was because I don't think people normally have to deal with this situation (I know I don't) so it wasn't clear what she was asking?

Dragonfly · 11-16-2010, 03:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Are you experiencing issues with dating outside
your race?

:/~ still confused

NOPE! I'm unskilled and horribly inexperienced with dating in general.... Thanks for asking though.

Gemme · 11-16-2010, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dragonfly

Yes I have been enjoying our time very much. But no I haven't agreed to a date yet like you say my speed is to get to know someone dating is saying you want more than friends. As for the race issue, I considered asking her but before I had a chance I learned the race of some of her past partners and a few things came up while we were hanging out at a club that showed me we are on the same page in spite of our area and some of our peers. If I could go back to the convo we had about what's your "type" I would have just asked then what she experienced in our area. I just felt rude or worried its not the same as gender and sexuality and offend her. Thanks for adding your viewpoint! The more the better regardless of where I am in the relationship others may wonder how they should approach the topic with a stranger.

Ps we like each other A LOT but aren't in a rush to get " romantic" dating too fast and have amazing convo!

Good for you! Take as long as you feel you need while the two of you are enjoying yourselves learning more about the other. And, if you think to, pop back in here from time to time to let us know how it's going for you.

Dragonfly · 11-23-2010, 07:25 AM

So here is my sign that either a) I am a complete dating "dummy" or b) she is a genius! I'm going with b cause its kinder to myself... So anyway I was saying here on this thread how we have been "getting to know each other" and "hanging out" and I got comfortable enough that I could say yes let's start dating, you know have a goal or purpose to be "more than friends" and for me the whole process is stressful and scary enough pre "date" so I have almost dreaded moving forward to the "dating" stage trying not to trigger my panic attacks and paranoia. How amazing to find someone so brilliant that they would be able to move me into "dating" so smoothly that I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE they were "dates"! So... CORRECTION: I have been dating this amazing woman, only she could know its better to just sneak it up on me like that, just wanted to share that laugh with you all. And its going even better than I'd hoped.

09-22-2010, 09:43 PM	#2
Dragonfly Member How Do You Identify?: Queersexual Female Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: smiling real big Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: My Own House Illinois Posts: 330 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 871 Thanked 346 Times in 151 Posts Rep Power: 645439	Ok thank you for asking publically so that anyone else reading with your interpretation and in depth analyzation can read my thoughts in response. I have never asked anyone on a date. I have never made the first move on someone I have been dating. I am 34 years old. Its not going to change just because of a slight variance in race unless I keep receiving info from supportive friends that given our area and such it really is a valid consideration. In this case since w dicussed so many likes and dislikes I am correct that it is Possible she has waaay more reason to fear hearing the same response I'm afraid of... You have no chance cause of how you were born. Maybe because so many times it is gender or sexuality differences that others have cued me by asking me first. When I said use this thread to talk about something other than why someone doesn't mention race among other things, when like you say "can tell the obvious differences" so I should be my usual passive self and let an opportunity pass me by or ask my peers for perspective somewhere we are encouraged to ask? I wasn't meaning my dates experiences or someone educate me I only meant use a useless thread I don't need because I took good advice already from a pm, that maybe others could talk about their experiences with interracial dating "on this thread" for support not driving miss daisy anything. __________________ Stay Gold.

09-23-2010, 08:37 AM	#4
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,076 Times in 15,669 Posts Rep Power: 21474875	Are you experiencing issues with dating outside your race? :/~ still confused __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

09-23-2010, 10:53 AM	#5
Dragonfly Member How Do You Identify?: Queersexual Female Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: smiling real big Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: My Own House Illinois Posts: 330 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 871 Thanked 346 Times in 151 Posts Rep Power: 645439	hi dear Am I experiencing difficulties.... If you were to ask others around us they may say yes. But there are not enough intimate details on these posts for anyone to be able to speak for me honestly. Since the other person is my race plus another race I am not sure that is totally outside mine exactly , I was rightly worried she was not asking about my likes or limits concerning race( while was leading our "convo" thru the rest of the things people ask about like, what's your type ____? Kind of questions.) Did it just not matter to her to skip it but ask about I D related things or could it be that she was more leary to rush that question and connect other ways with race coming into our talks later when we are closer to share more sensitive experiences. I thot she wasn't asking me out and was still feeling things out before risking my rejection. I mean if I'm scared she and I connect like we do yet have no chance. I felt the same about my sexuality and I D but like I said I respond to NOT initiate so far. So in my comfort zone it was LIKELY I should have swallowed my stomach back down and made extra efforts I don't usually make. Feelling like you are gonna pass out hyperventillating in nervous crushing. Anywho it doesn't matter because as some have already said if she asks you out then she likes you. Well maybe I like her too much to take the chance some of you are not familiar with all the info.which is my reasoning for reaching out here... I mean if I can't handle a couple habitual online bullies or the occasonal judgement on me I got no business wasting anyones time and I am definately not ready to be carrying part of that load someone mentioned earlier. I personally think a thread like this has more help to offer than harm. Probably wrong about that and if my "crush" Or "future date" appreciated my consideration of how hard it may be to bring up for even a very dominant personality.... I feel I have all the support and insight I need from the person I like now... seeing that maybe I'm the only one who thought her not asking me was saying I should care enough to be a little uncomfy at least with one aspect, anyway by some miracle I'm not too big an idiot for her cause she really does like me and let me know with a convo about a hug coulda been longer or have more of them so we figured it out at the stage of this we are at. I think it helps if my possible date understands that while I have had many physical relationships I am very very limited experience with starting relationships before a friendship. Just one and it wasn't healthy. __________________ Stay Gold. Last edited by Dragonfly; 09-23-2010 at 10:59 AM. Reason: sucks using a tiny phone to post here sorry!

09-23-2010, 11:09 AM	#6
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,076 Times in 15,669 Posts Rep Power: 21474875	Wow! Color me lost I really am trying to understand I can't seem to __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

11-23-2010, 07:25 AM	#11
Dragonfly Member How Do You Identify?: Queersexual Female Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: smiling real big Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: My Own House Illinois Posts: 330 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 871 Thanked 346 Times in 151 Posts Rep Power: 645439	sharing a laugh So here is my sign that either a) I am a complete dating "dummy" or b) she is a genius! I'm going with b cause its kinder to myself... So anyway I was saying here on this thread how we have been "getting to know each other" and "hanging out" and I got comfortable enough that I could say yes let's start dating, you know have a goal or purpose to be "more than friends" and for me the whole process is stressful and scary enough pre "date" so I have almost dreaded moving forward to the "dating" stage trying not to trigger my panic attacks and paranoia. How amazing to find someone so brilliant that they would be able to move me into "dating" so smoothly that I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE they were "dates"! So... CORRECTION: I have been dating this amazing woman, only she could know its better to just sneak it up on me like that, just wanted to share that laugh with you all. And its going even better than I'd hoped. __________________ Stay Gold.

09-22-2010, 09:18 AM	#1
waxnrope Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 5/27/2011 Preferred Pronoun?: hy ho, hy ho; he, she, it, whatever Relationship Status: Going slow ... Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: in her orifices ... la frontera Posts: 1,433 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,414 Thanked 2,957 Times in 952 Posts Rep Power: 0	i am still having some difficulty with what you've expressed, Dragonfly, and I take you at your word of being shy and socially inept, so such difficulties may be a combination of factors, including my own misperceptions. So, please hang in there with me as I try to get what you are saying. Where I pause and scratch my behind now is why you need to ask if a POC dates outside of their race. Why can't you just ask for a date? Do you not think this other person recognizes that there exists a distinction between you? And why is it important for you to know any and all of their "experience/s"? For ME, asking this, and I don't know you, don't trust you (yet), that would cause, at the least, much discomfort. It would feel, to ME, like you were doing a survey. Am I missing something here? Let me know. Thanks.

09-23-2010, 06:30 AM	#3
waxnrope Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 5/27/2011 Preferred Pronoun?: hy ho, hy ho; he, she, it, whatever Relationship Status: Going slow ... Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: in her orifices ... la frontera Posts: 1,433 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,414 Thanked 2,957 Times in 952 Posts Rep Power: 0	Uh, ok

09-23-2010, 11:27 AM	#7
waxnrope Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 5/27/2011 Preferred Pronoun?: hy ho, hy ho; he, she, it, whatever Relationship Status: Going slow ... Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: in her orifices ... la frontera Posts: 1,433 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,414 Thanked 2,957 Times in 952 Posts Rep Power: 0	I am thinking of a John Lenon song, "Let it Be," right now ... Thank you for trying to respond to our confusion.