Ask a trans person!

Blue · 11-08-2009, 12:13 PM

Hi everyone,

I always knew I was different but, like Linus, never had the words. My journey has been gradual (to say the least). Though I will say, in hindsight, I gave every indication of gender dysphoria from a very early age. It was my mother who finally asked me if I wouldn't have been happier if I could have 'become male'. I can remember always wanting to do 'boy things' and wanting to wear 'boy clothes' and wanting 'guy jobs' but my family always seemed to pass it of as 'tomboy syndrome' that would one day pass. It never did. I loved Halloween and was always male; complete with stubble and a bulge. I went through periods of hyper-feminity trying to immerse myself in the feminine thinking I might find something of myself there. Although I made a very pretty girl/woman, I always felt like a drag queen (or worse, like a very queer queer). Over time my wardrobe had less and less female clothing until I only shopped in the men's department. My hair got shorter and shorter until only a barber would do. For younger people this all may sound absurd but being a young person in the 70s ...simple changes like these took tremendous courage (fear coupled with action). Each step was a personal achievement for me.

I started T 3 years ago and felt more 'in focus' within a few weeks. I am very happy with the physical changes I have experienced; i.e. weight redistribution, weight loss, increased strength and endurance, muscle density, and a general sense of emotion centeredness. On the flip side I am finding myself almost too focused and unable to walk away from something I am doing until it is done. It seems to be the opposite of ADD and makes multitasking sort of difficult unless I am able to synchronize the tasks into a logical flow. I used to start things and never got around to finishing them, switching proirities and scuffling from one task to another and would become emotionally overwhelmed ...now everything has to wait it's turn but I do finish everything eventually

Anyone else having this experience?

Blue

Thinker · 11-08-2009, 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue

*snip*

For younger people this all may sound absurd but being a young person in the 70s ...simple changes like these took tremendous courage (fear coupled with action). Each step was a personal achievement for me.

*snip*

...now everything has to wait it's turn but I do finish everything eventually

Anyone else having this experience?

Such a good point about how it used to be... Like you, I went through a period of time where I tried really hard to embrace being female and a "lesbian". Although I would not say I did it in a hyper-feminine way, I definitely made it a point to try and *not* "hide" my breasts........wore earrings.......stuff like that.

As for the other... I actually have had the opposite experience. I am more inclined to have a few things going on at the same time......spend a little time on refurbishing a dresser.......then work on the yard a little.......starting new little projects here and there.

That was not the case before. Not even close.

Interesting to think about.

Jet · 11-08-2009, 12:40 PM

Being a trauma survivor I lived 11 years in seclusion and tried to be a girl. It didn't work for me at all. Eleven years is a long time. Fast forward: I'm planning on starting T in January.

Thinker · 11-08-2009, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

Being a trauma survivor I lived 11 years in seclusion and tried to be a girl. It didn't work for me at all. Eleven years is a long time. Fast forward: I'm planning on starting T in January.

I wish you all the best.

Linus · 11-08-2009, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

Being a trauma survivor I lived 11 years in seclusion and tried to be a girl. It didn't work for me at all. Eleven years is a long time. Fast forward: I'm planning on starting T in January.

Congrats and good luck. An exciting life adventure to begin.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue

<snip> I used to start things and never got around to finishing them, switching proirities and scuffling from one task to another and would become emotionally overwhelmed ...now everything has to wait it's turn but I do finish everything eventually

Anyone else having this experience?

Blue

Not that much because life interferes but I do feel more focused. I have also noticed that it's harder to cry. Some things (like the Humane Society's adoption commercials) used to have me near bawling. Now, barely a tear. In some ways, I don't like this because it makes me feel "unemotional" but perhaps it's more of a narrow set of emotions than before.

Jet · 11-08-2009, 03:15 PM

Thanks for wishing me well. —Parker

Thinker · 11-08-2009, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

Thanks for wishing me well. —Parker

Hey Parker...

Where are you in the name change process (assuming you plan to legally change it)?

Are you pursuing testosterone therapy through your regular doctor or someone new? Or a clinic?

Any thoughts on any surgeries?

I'm not intending to be nosey. Just thought it might generate more conversation on the early stages and, ultimately, help others who mosey into this thread.

I certainly respect your position if you don't care to share that information here.

Mister Bent · 11-08-2009, 06:16 PM

I relate fully to the stories recounted here of "otherness." At a very young age I felt I was miscategorized, and among my earliest memories are those of feeling I was simply not like other kids. Like Thinker, I can recall having the same crushes as the boys in my class - that new student teacher in third grade, my riding instructor when I was 9. Once I began to have sexualized thoughts, I simply knew that one day I would grow up and have a wife, that I would be somebody's husband. When I thought of sex I visualized myself with a penis, fucking a woman. It was tremendously confusing to me when it became apparent that was not the course I would be encouraged (or able) to follow. Moreso, that there was no other course to follow and for a long time that made me feel cheated.

There were the inevitable battles with my mother over hairstyle, clothes, the cowboy boots I never wanted to take off. I preferred to spend time with my dad learning to shoot, practicing archery, building tree houses and tinkering with our train set.

It was the early to mid 1970s and my only introduction to "alternative lifestyles" was through the feminist lesbians "of choice" friends of my parents. That was most decidedly not what I had in mind, because I never saw myself as a female lover of women.

Today, after almost a decade of soul searching, consideration of my history, my future and a plethora of other avenues (you know the drill) I have turned my focus toward embracing this trans creature that I am, as I am. I want to be seen as just what I am - neither man, nor woman in the *conventional* sense. I choose this liminal existence, between worlds. I used to see that to mean I was perpetually on the threshold to some undefined something else, but if transitioning can be seen as a process of aligning our insides and our outsides, then my personal transition has meant recognizing that, for me, there is no "something else," there is only this. And despite the nonsense I sometimes have to put up with - you know the story - most often it feels just exactly right for me.

bigbutchmistie · 11-25-2009, 08:20 AM

Hello all. I am posting here because I recently realized that I am trans. Its weird this body that I have. And I dont know how to quite identify. Everything is still so new to me. Do you identify as FTM without having the surgery? Do you identify as trans? Or the same butch label I have called myself for so long. Anyone who wants to PM me and help me out would be greatly appreciated.

Hugs around to all you guys.

Linus · 11-25-2009, 08:28 AM

Hey BBM and welcome to the thread. How one identifies is entirely personal decision. What made you realize that you are trans? And trans could mean either transsexual or transgender. Are you going to medically transition? Do you intend on having surgery or are holding off?

There is no right or wrong answer to each of these but it's more something you have to address with yourself.

For me personally, I did an identity transition from butch --> transgender/genderqueer --> transguy/FTM. I haven't had surgery yet (although really want top surgery) but have been on T for over a year now.

Andrew, Jr. · 11-25-2009, 03:46 PM

I think how one id's is personal, I agree Linus. It comes from your soul. It doesn't come from between your legs as Chaz Bono stated in one of his interviews.

I had the surgeries to complete myself (mind, body, spirit). The only one left is my top surgery to correct the first one done. My surgeries all were cash. That is the one thing I wish would be covered by insurance. Going under general anesth. is not easy. In fact, it really makes me sick, and hard to wake up from. But I would love to feel the wind blowing on my chest while I am wearing swim trunks at the beach. It would be

all at once. *Deep sigh.

I believe that there are always going to be those in our own glbt community who will put down those of us who are ftm/mtf. I have witnessed it firsthand. I think it sucks. Has anyone else witnessed this?

Jet · 11-25-2009, 03:51 PM

I debated on posting this, but I've decided to since I'm going to embark on T in the coming months.

First, this post is for sharing experiences only. It is NOT to challenge anyone, or to start any kind of debate. I'm just putting this out here; if you want to respond fine, if not, okay.

Couple of nights ago, I spoke to a therapist who is a fully transitioned FTM. We discussed therapy and the transition process among other things, one of which was...the absolute hell....he went through in losing so much by transitioning including most of his therapy clientele. He said it definitely had its price and he was emphatic about therapy, being very prepared, and having a solid support system.

He didn't transition until he was 50, which is my case as well at 53. After our conversation, I gave this some thought and its obvious to me that age or being seasoned with life experiences doesn't make transitioning any easier to go through. Yet, I see people in this subculture on T in droves. I'm amazed at how many people are going through this in their 20s and early 30s! And because it's life altering, I would think it would be a load to handle for someone so young who is apt to lose their family, job, friends or creating a crisis with a ripple effect.

I look at transitioning as life changing. I'm 53 with a lot of "life experiences" and I still believe its going to be very hard for me. That's why it baffles me to see transitioning or gender reassignment among people who are as young as their 20s. [I]A friend of mine once said she thought the reason that younger people are transitioning at the rate and the age they are is because, and (brace yourself for this) they can't accept being gay. Is that even plausible? And what kind of therapist would approve of their hormone therapy or reassignment? Without any firm answers, I personally am not sure I agree.

On the note of acceptance, Atlanta is an international city with about 5-7 million people. You would think it would be a more progressive and embrace diversity of this kind, even with Southern Comfort and so on. But I don't see it that way at all; case in point, the therapist last night and 2 other transgendered folks who have had a time of it here. And I lost 3 friends here who were gay men and didn't want me around because I was transgendered. It's one thing not be accepted in a city this size and quite another to be unacceptable in the LGBT community.

I'm not suggesting that paying a high price for transitioning is the rule. What may be really difficult for some, maybe isn't for others. So I would like to know about the road less traveled from folks who have transitioned and the prices paid emotionally, physically and/or monetarily if you want to share. Or ...the flip side which is a great journey full of support and personal fullfillment for you.

Thanks in advance for your answers and for sharing you're thoughts and/or your experiences.

Gentle Tiger · 02-09-2010, 11:54 PM

No questions. Just dropping by to say hello. Still making my way around the site. Glad to know you guys are here.

weatherboi · 02-10-2010, 01:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gentle Tiger

No questions. Just dropping by to say hello. Still making my way around the site. Glad to know you guys are here.

Hey Gentle Tiger!! Welcome!!

Linus · 02-12-2010, 01:26 PM

Hey all.. I was curious if anyone has seen Beautiful Daughters from Logo (you can get it on NetFlix)? It was a documentary on the Vagina Monologues version that was done entirely from the TransWoman's perspective. I have to say: very moving. One of the things that was interesting was the comment that transwomen are like immigrants into womandom (as it were).

And I have to say, it's an apt analogy in many ways.

Gentle Tiger · 02-13-2010, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linus

Hey all.. I was curious if anyone has seen Beautiful Daughters from Logo (you can get it on NetFlix)? It was a documentary on the Vagina Monologues version that was done entirely from the TransWoman's perspective. I have to say: very moving. One of the things that was interesting was the comment that transwomen are like immigrants into womandom (as it were).

And I have to say, it's an apt analogy in many ways.

I just got it from Netflix. We will be looking at it at the next Living Your Truth meeting.

handsomeFTM4u · 09-19-2010, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jet

Being a trauma survivor I lived 11 years in seclusion and tried to be a girl. It didn't work for me at all. Eleven years is a long time. Fast forward: I'm planning on starting T in January.

good for you. I have been on it for 6 years now, and I have to say it was the BEST DECISION I EVER MADE IN MY LIFE

Jet · 10-23-2010, 01:15 PM

I quite T. And there's a storm brewing. There are things in our past sometimes that can't be changed—things follow us. Wishing you well.

Linus · 10-23-2010, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by katsarecool

thank you for asking Linus. You can go to ABCnews web site to watch the story. Just check the 20/20 link for yesterday's show. A short synopsis though; a mtf transgendered person becomes a widow of a fireman who lost his life fighting a fire. His family found out that she was born a man and is now suing her for survivor's benefits totalling almost a million dollars citing their marriage was not legal in TX. The surgery was done before marriage, the husband was well aware of the circumstances and she had her name changed on DL and other legal papers. It was very touching and emphasizes how far we have to go.

Ah.. this story: http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...ead.php?t=1776

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jet

I quite T. And there's a storm brewing. There are things in our past sometimes that can't be changed—things follow us. Wishing you well.

Sorry to hear that but sometimes we have to step back before we can move forward. Hopefully things will sort themselves out and allow you to move in the direction you want.

asphaltcowboi · 11-07-2010, 11:34 AM

question?
i have taken T is the past for about 9 mos. my personality changed for the worse and friends convinced me it was the T. ive been off T for about a year. i would like to start back on it. has anyone else had agressiveness, meanness issues with T? and now i know what to expect is it possiable to curb the issues?

11-08-2009, 06:16 PM	#8
Mister Bent Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: . Posts: 2,905 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,151 Thanked 5,825 Times in 1,721 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	trans less the transition I relate fully to the stories recounted here of "otherness." At a very young age I felt I was miscategorized, and among my earliest memories are those of feeling I was simply not like other kids. Like Thinker, I can recall having the same crushes as the boys in my class - that new student teacher in third grade, my riding instructor when I was 9. Once I began to have sexualized thoughts, I simply knew that one day I would grow up and have a wife, that I would be somebody's husband. When I thought of sex I visualized myself with a penis, fucking a woman. It was tremendously confusing to me when it became apparent that was not the course I would be encouraged (or able) to follow. Moreso, that there was no other course to follow and for a long time that made me feel cheated. There were the inevitable battles with my mother over hairstyle, clothes, the cowboy boots I never wanted to take off. I preferred to spend time with my dad learning to shoot, practicing archery, building tree houses and tinkering with our train set. It was the early to mid 1970s and my only introduction to "alternative lifestyles" was through the feminist lesbians "of choice" friends of my parents. That was most decidedly not what I had in mind, because I never saw myself as a female lover of women. Today, after almost a decade of soul searching, consideration of my history, my future and a plethora of other avenues (you know the drill) I have turned my focus toward embracing this trans creature that I am, as I am. I want to be seen as just what I am - neither man, nor woman in the conventional sense. I choose this liminal existence, between worlds. I used to see that to mean I was perpetually on the threshold to some undefined something else, but if transitioning can be seen as a process of aligning our insides and our outsides, then my personal transition has meant recognizing that, for me, there is no "something else," there is only this. And despite the nonsense I sometimes have to put up with - you know the story - most often it feels just exactly right for me.

11-25-2009, 08:28 AM	#10
Linus The Planet's Technical Bubba How Do You Identify?: FTM Preferred Pronoun?: He/Him/Geek Relationship Status: Married to my forever! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Redondo Beach, CA Posts: 5,440 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,929 Thanked 10,727 Times in 3,172 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Hey BBM and welcome to the thread. How one identifies is entirely personal decision. What made you realize that you are trans? And trans could mean either transsexual or transgender. Are you going to medically transition? Do you intend on having surgery or are holding off? There is no right or wrong answer to each of these but it's more something you have to address with yourself. For me personally, I did an identity transition from butch --> transgender/genderqueer --> transguy/FTM. I haven't had surgery yet (although really want top surgery) but have been on T for over a year now. __________________ Personal Blog \|\| [] \|\| Cigar Blog "We become Human Doings instead of Human Beings." -- Ram Dass

02-12-2010, 01:26 PM	#15
Linus The Planet's Technical Bubba How Do You Identify?: FTM Preferred Pronoun?: He/Him/Geek Relationship Status: Married to my forever! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Redondo Beach, CA Posts: 5,440 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,929 Thanked 10,727 Times in 3,172 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Hey all.. I was curious if anyone has seen Beautiful Daughters from Logo (you can get it on NetFlix)? It was a documentary on the Vagina Monologues version that was done entirely from the TransWoman's perspective. I have to say: very moving. One of the things that was interesting was the comment that transwomen are like immigrants into womandom (as it were). And I have to say, it's an apt analogy in many ways. __________________ Personal Blog \|\| [] \|\| Cigar Blog "We become Human Doings instead of Human Beings." -- Ram Dass

11-08-2009, 12:13 PM	#1
Blue Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Trans Preferred Pronoun?: he Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: England Posts: 28 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4 Thanked 82 Times in 13 Posts Rep Power: 660744	Hi everyone, I always knew I was different but, like Linus, never had the words. My journey has been gradual (to say the least). Though I will say, in hindsight, I gave every indication of gender dysphoria from a very early age. It was my mother who finally asked me if I wouldn't have been happier if I could have 'become male'. I can remember always wanting to do 'boy things' and wanting to wear 'boy clothes' and wanting 'guy jobs' but my family always seemed to pass it of as 'tomboy syndrome' that would one day pass. It never did. I loved Halloween and was always male; complete with stubble and a bulge. I went through periods of hyper-feminity trying to immerse myself in the feminine thinking I might find something of myself there. Although I made a very pretty girl/woman, I always felt like a drag queen (or worse, like a very queer queer). Over time my wardrobe had less and less female clothing until I only shopped in the men's department. My hair got shorter and shorter until only a barber would do. For younger people this all may sound absurd but being a young person in the 70s ...simple changes like these took tremendous courage (fear coupled with action). Each step was a personal achievement for me. I started T 3 years ago and felt more 'in focus' within a few weeks. I am very happy with the physical changes I have experienced; i.e. weight redistribution, weight loss, increased strength and endurance, muscle density, and a general sense of emotion centeredness. On the flip side I am finding myself almost too focused and unable to walk away from something I am doing until it is done. It seems to be the opposite of ADD and makes multitasking sort of difficult unless I am able to synchronize the tasks into a logical flow. I used to start things and never got around to finishing them, switching proirities and scuffling from one task to another and would become emotionally overwhelmed ...now everything has to wait it's turn but I do finish everything eventually Anyone else having this experience? Blue

11-08-2009, 12:40 PM	#3
Jet Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: .. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .. Posts: 3,471 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 292 Thanked 2,647 Times in 1,293 Posts Rep Power: 0	Being a trauma survivor I lived 11 years in seclusion and tried to be a girl. It didn't work for me at all. Eleven years is a long time. Fast forward: I'm planning on starting T in January.

11-08-2009, 03:15 PM	#6
Jet Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: .. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .. Posts: 3,471 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 292 Thanked 2,647 Times in 1,293 Posts Rep Power: 0	Thanks for wishing me well. —Parker

11-25-2009, 08:20 AM	#9
bigbutchmistie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Since You Need A Label. Butch Relationship Status: Still Dreaming Of My Happily Ever After Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Arlington Texas Posts: 4,009 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,950 Thanked 5,364 Times in 1,941 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Hello all. I am posting here because I recently realized that I am trans. Its weird this body that I have. And I dont know how to quite identify. Everything is still so new to me. Do you identify as FTM without having the surgery? Do you identify as trans? Or the same butch label I have called myself for so long. Anyone who wants to PM me and help me out would be greatly appreciated. Hugs around to all you guys.

11-25-2009, 03:46 PM	#11
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,250 Times in 2,217 Posts Rep Power: 0	I think how one id's is personal, I agree Linus. It comes from your soul. It doesn't come from between your legs as Chaz Bono stated in one of his interviews. I had the surgeries to complete myself (mind, body, spirit). The only one left is my top surgery to correct the first one done. My surgeries all were cash. That is the one thing I wish would be covered by insurance. Going under general anesth. is not easy. In fact, it really makes me sick, and hard to wake up from. But I would love to feel the wind blowing on my chest while I am wearing swim trunks at the beach. It would be all at once. *Deep sigh. I believe that there are always going to be those in our own glbt community who will put down those of us who are ftm/mtf. I have witnessed it firsthand. I think it sucks. Has anyone else witnessed this?

11-25-2009, 03:51 PM	#12
Jet Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: .. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .. Posts: 3,471 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 292 Thanked 2,647 Times in 1,293 Posts Rep Power: 0	I debated on posting this, but I've decided to since I'm going to embark on T in the coming months. First, this post is for sharing experiences only. It is NOT to challenge anyone, or to start any kind of debate. I'm just putting this out here; if you want to respond fine, if not, okay. Couple of nights ago, I spoke to a therapist who is a fully transitioned FTM. We discussed therapy and the transition process among other things, one of which was...the absolute hell....he went through in losing so much by transitioning including most of his therapy clientele. He said it definitely had its price and he was emphatic about therapy, being very prepared, and having a solid support system. He didn't transition until he was 50, which is my case as well at 53. After our conversation, I gave this some thought and its obvious to me that age or being seasoned with life experiences doesn't make transitioning any easier to go through. Yet, I see people in this subculture on T in droves. I'm amazed at how many people are going through this in their 20s and early 30s! And because it's life altering, I would think it would be a load to handle for someone so young who is apt to lose their family, job, friends or creating a crisis with a ripple effect. I look at transitioning as life changing. I'm 53 with a lot of "life experiences" and I still believe its going to be very hard for me. That's why it baffles me to see transitioning or gender reassignment among people who are as young as their 20s. [I]A friend of mine once said she thought the reason that younger people are transitioning at the rate and the age they are is because, and (brace yourself for this) they can't accept being gay. Is that even plausible? And what kind of therapist would approve of their hormone therapy or reassignment? Without any firm answers, I personally am not sure I agree. On the note of acceptance, Atlanta is an international city with about 5-7 million people. You would think it would be a more progressive and embrace diversity of this kind, even with Southern Comfort and so on. But I don't see it that way at all; case in point, the therapist last night and 2 other transgendered folks who have had a time of it here. And I lost 3 friends here who were gay men and didn't want me around because I was transgendered. It's one thing not be accepted in a city this size and quite another to be unacceptable in the LGBT community. I'm not suggesting that paying a high price for transitioning is the rule. What may be really difficult for some, maybe isn't for others. So I would like to know about the road less traveled from folks who have transitioned and the prices paid emotionally, physically and/or monetarily if you want to share. Or ...the flip side which is a great journey full of support and personal fullfillment for you. Thanks in advance for your answers and for sharing you're thoughts and/or your experiences.

02-09-2010, 11:54 PM	#13
Gentle Tiger Moderator How Do You Identify?: As a Tiger of course Preferred Pronoun?: Not the Old Man Relationship Status: Two Tigers Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Northern California Posts: 7,492 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,001 Thanked 15,991 Times in 3,993 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	No questions. Just dropping by to say hello. Still making my way around the site. Glad to know you guys are here.

10-23-2010, 01:15 PM	#18
Jet Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: .. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .. Posts: 3,471 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 292 Thanked 2,647 Times in 1,293 Posts Rep Power: 0	I quite T. And there's a storm brewing. There are things in our past sometimes that can't be changed—things follow us. Wishing you well.

11-07-2010, 11:34 AM	#20
asphaltcowboi Senior Member How Do You Identify?: butch Relationship Status: HAPPY Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: ..... Posts: 1,509 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,367 Thanked 3,297 Times in 1,042 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	question? i have taken T is the past for about 9 mos. my personality changed for the worse and friends convinced me it was the T. ive been off T for about a year. i would like to start back on it. has anyone else had agressiveness, meanness issues with T? and now i know what to expect is it possiable to curb the issues?