Domestic Violence/Partner Abuse

[Nat]

Originally Posted by dark_crystal

please don't feel nervous! the fact of your being self-aware and secure enough to admit to a mistake actually makes you the complete opposite of the kinds of offenders this thread is about!

Thanks. I don't think it makes me the exact opposite, but I strive more and more to be the opposite of those things. I don't know what lies at the heart of those who have done or do far worse - I guess most likely it's not just one single quality or motivation. For myself personally I think I live somewhere in the addiction and codependent spectrum and both of those have something to do with control.

I have the capacity for cruelty - as evidenced even in a few of my posts here and others on the dash site. I once accused June publicly of lying (which i regret very much) and refused to take it back - rather than approaching things from a place of understanding or seeking to understand. I've been pretty horrible really though at those times I always felt that I was in the right, that I was embracing justice or truth or standing up for others. But in the end, that behavior is just bad behavior - it's bullying behavior. It may not be as extreme as most behavior listed above, but I would think it's somewhere in the spectrum of abusive. If there isn't a bullying thread on this site, maybe I will start one some time soon, especially in light of recent suicides of bullied teens. I want to think that people can heal, change and grow. I have been trying to do so. I don't want to be an asshole.

I think being committed to changing specific behavior is the quick (and necessary) fix, but I think to change long-term requires sea-change and though I have come a long way so far in my life, I do not know if I am capable of the deepest level of change or if there are tools or methods available for doing that. So far, and the initial motivation I have had for exploring it, spirituality is the one tool I have found that helps me relinquish my need to control myself, others and/or situations even a little. I know there must be other tools and I know spirituality is odious to many and has been used as a tool of abuse extremely often as well. I don't really have many other tools at hand, but I would like to.