Personal Space -- In Your Face

[Jude]

Originally Posted by suebee

One of my fav people on the planet is my cousin. She's just a great all-round person. But she does not like to be hugged. Her mother says she was that way even as a baby. It's always kind of seemed like a mystery to me. She's such a warm person, yet obviously is wired to not accept much in the way of casual physical contact. Anybody know someone like that?

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My brother could be the poster boy for Aspergers Syndrome. I cant' think of a characteristic that he does NOT exhibit. I'm mentioning him in the context that my mother used to confide in me that my brother would never make eye contact with her when he was an infant, even when he was feeding. Even as an infant, he cried if he was picked up and relaxed again only when he was put down. Most babies lock into their mother's eyes. Needless to say, my brother doesn't like to hug. We had a standing joke that after a long separation, I could give him a hug so long as it didn't last more than 3 seconds and was accompanied by the phrase: "Hug, Hug, Pat, Pat. Okay, I did it." Not suggesting your relation is an Aspie, but feeling extremely uncomfortable in that situation is certainly characteristic of someone with social anxiety.

[ravfem]

In public, if it gets too crowded near me, i'll usually try to move off to the side just enough to get some breathing room but not to remove myself completely.

Recently i was at a very crowded street festival and had to actually fight going into my little space, a new experience for me. Luckily i had a very calming influence on my phone and they helped me get past that moment quickly.

i love being on a crowded dance floor though.

The thing is, i love going to stuff like that. i also love just walking around, whether downtown, at flea markets....anything. But if i sense or hear/feel people behind me, i'll move to the side so they can go by me.

As far as being around friends, i am a touchy-feely person, and love to give hey & bye hugs. But don't stay in my space during a conversation, unless i want you there.

If i'm interested in someone but don't want them to know, i'll go out of my way to not get in their personal space, but i think that's because most times i'm afraid they'll pick up on my vibes if i do.

[katsarecool]

Originally Posted by Jude

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My brother could be the poster boy for Aspergers Syndrome. I cant' think of a characteristic that he does NOT exhibit. I'm mentioning him in the context that my mother used to confide in me that my brother would never make eye contact with her when he was an infant, even when he was feeding. Even as an infant, he cried if he was picked up and relaxed again only when he was put down. Most babies lock into their mother's eyes. Needless to say, my brother doesn't like to hug. We had a standing joke that after a long separation, I could give him a hug so long as it didn't last more than 3 seconds and was accompanied by the phrase: "Hug, Hug, Pat, Pat. Okay, I did it." Not suggesting your relation is an Aspie, but feeling extremely uncomfortable in that situation is certainly characteristic of someone with social anxiety.

I had the same experience with my son that you described here. It turned out he as Aspergers as well. He still will hug but his muscle bound body gets all stiff. But we know he loves us and we accept him for the special person he is. He is 34.

[Miss Scarlett]

I confess to being a bit of a hugger myself.

As far as crowds are concerned, it depends on the situation. Most of the time it doesn't bother me. I don't like our large farmers' market when the men from some ethnic groups crowd you, walk in front of you, get in your way, act like you're invisible, etc. Grrrrrrr!

My previous employer was a "crowder." If she was standing behind me to look at a document or something on my computer she would press herself into my shoulder either her hip or by leaning on me. It felt nasty and once she actually belched in my ear and I mean a "frat party belch" too.