For anyone who has ever had a LDR

WingsOnFire · 10-30-2010, 06:25 PM

I so remember those feelings. Damon and I were in a LDR in the beginning. We saw each other on weekends thank goodness but those inbetween nights were very tough. However, they made the relationship that much stronger.

Today we work different shifts and I see him only 2 nights a week and a small amount on the weekends. I wouldnt have him work any other shift, however, it does make it hard sometimes.

Those times in the beginning are what I rely on to remind me that love is what matters not how much time you get to spend together. Sometimes I have to remind myself that our time together is even more special BECAUSE it is short. Its easy to get caught up in the missing of that person when you are apart. So do what you can to make that time special.

Beautiful writing.. by the way... Thanks for sharing

iamkeri1 · 10-31-2010, 12:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MidnightBlueEyes

Sometimes I have to remind myself that our time together is even more special BECAUSE it is short. Its easy to get caught up in the missing of that person when you are apart. So do what you can to make that time special.

Midnight,
Thank you for this post. I need this reminder to enjoy the time we have together. I will be meeting my LDR in person for the first time soon. We both count the days. I am so looking forward to that time together, but feeling that it will be so much harder to be away from him after we have been together. (Why on earth am I stressing on this instead of concentrating on the pleasure of seeing him?)

He says it will be easier because then at least we will know that we actually do like each other in person and we won't have that worry any more. (Though I am not super worried about whether I will really like him as I have had kind of a crush on him for three years, and we had talked casually several times before things kind of "caught fire" between us.

This is my first really long distance LDR. We are most of the continent away from each other. Some days are lots of fun with all the phone talk and the great things we share. Other days are very hard because are so far apart. Good news for us is we are both in a position to be able to move and we are both willing to move.

I very much want for us to be the "ever after" kind of LDR.
Smooches,
Keri

oblivia · 10-31-2010, 02:04 AM

Sparx and I 'met' long distance. She was in Canada.... way far away... like 3,000 miles.... and I was in Washington. Neither of us even considered it could turn "serious" because of that. I didn't know Canadian Geography... I just knew she was far away.... and she knew I was far away.

But we became fast friends. We clicked from a chemistry standpoint from the beginning and a friendship one. We talked for 4-5 hours minimum every day (yay for chat, and then webcam/voice chat on the computer). The only reason we even met was because a friend of mine was getting married somewhere far away and, out of curiousity, I checked to see how close I was going to be to where Sparx lived... turned out - only a very short flight... so we planned our first visit. We spent a week together, and after all those many hours of talking - of not trying to impress each other, and of just being ourselves (what did we have to lose, since we figured we'd never even meet), we discovered we were in love.

We had some hard conversations, then. Okay, we were in love, but what were we going to (or willing to) do about it? What were our options.... we had two different countries to deal with.

Ultimately, the best for all involved was to settle in Canada, marriage was legal and I could immigrate as Her spouse once we were married... and we picked Vancouver. She and the boys needed to move away from the small town they were in as they were in an economically depressed area. Vancouver was further than they'd planned but had a LOT of opportunities for her and the boys (one of whom is officially gifted - tested etc, the other classified as a gifted underachiever) and school, etc. AND this would keep me a reasonable drive away from some of my closest friends and family members.

The nice thing about this choice was that we ALL moved to a new place... a new city... and began our life together, there, fresh. It wasn't anyone's home turf. This was a HUGE advantage because we all had to learn and adapt together. Additionally, during the immigration process, we were married but living apart, so we transitioned from a cross continent LDR, to a three hour commute LDR as I could come up to Vancouver to visit most weekends until my paperwork was finished.... i temporarily relocated just a wee bit closer during the interim period which made a huge difference.

Look, the thing is, that LDRs ARE hard... but if it's the right relationship, if it's healthy and you've taken the time to get to know each other, there are ways to make it work... but the best advice I could give anyone is that really old fashioned advice. Get to know each other with less strings attached, first. Get comfortable, really comfortable with the person - get to the point where you know you're able to totally let go and be yourself - before you uproot yourself or ask your partner to uproot themselves. Find out what makes sense, together.

Sparx and I had these tough conversations, we had to be brutally honest with each other. We talked about the impact our decisions and plans would have on us if, ultimately, the relationship and/or marriage didn't last. We had to know that moving to Vancouver would ultimately be a wise choice - no matter what. Risk vs. Benefit. Neither of us wanted to have big regrets if things didn't work out. Those conversations were hard. We were in the swooney honeymoon romantic stage. I didnt' want to talk about "What if we break up", but looking back five years later - I am so glad we did.

I don't have to wonder, now, if some part of Her or the boys regrets moving here. I know they don't. I know they wanted this, not JUST because of me, but because it was the right thing for the three of them.

As so many have said - communicate, communicate, communicate! Be authentic. Really hear each other.

There really are some magical love stories out there that began as LDRs....

~o

T D · 10-31-2010, 02:32 AM

I have, and it is very doubtful that I will ever again. I don't even consider it as a viable option anymore.

10-30-2010, 06:25 PM	#1
WingsOnFire Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer..femme.. .babygirl...girl Preferred Pronoun?: Female Ones... Relationship Status: Enjoying life but ready to meet someone Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Portland Oregon Posts: 3,945 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,015 Thanked 12,476 Times in 3,357 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I so remember those feelings. Damon and I were in a LDR in the beginning. We saw each other on weekends thank goodness but those inbetween nights were very tough. However, they made the relationship that much stronger. Today we work different shifts and I see him only 2 nights a week and a small amount on the weekends. I wouldnt have him work any other shift, however, it does make it hard sometimes. Those times in the beginning are what I rely on to remind me that love is what matters not how much time you get to spend together. Sometimes I have to remind myself that our time together is even more special BECAUSE it is short. Its easy to get caught up in the missing of that person when you are apart. So do what you can to make that time special. Beautiful writing.. by the way... Thanks for sharing __________________ Previously known as MidnightBlueEyes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ http://gailsforum.files.wordpress.co...-psd340941.png

10-31-2010, 02:32 AM	#4
T D Member How Do You Identify?: Person of the trans variety Preferred Pronoun?: He, Sir, Bro, TD, Stevin Relationship Status: On occasion Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: SF Bay Area Posts: 1,165 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,428 Thanked 1,125 Times in 311 Posts Rep Power: 3570339	I have, and it is very doubtful that I will ever again. I don't even consider it as a viable option anymore. __________________ “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

10-31-2010, 02:04 AM	#3
oblivia Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: Married, treasured, and adored Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 472 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,582 Thanked 1,430 Times in 359 Posts Rep Power: 0	Sparx and I 'met' long distance. She was in Canada.... way far away... like 3,000 miles.... and I was in Washington. Neither of us even considered it could turn "serious" because of that. I didn't know Canadian Geography... I just knew she was far away.... and she knew I was far away. But we became fast friends. We clicked from a chemistry standpoint from the beginning and a friendship one. We talked for 4-5 hours minimum every day (yay for chat, and then webcam/voice chat on the computer). The only reason we even met was because a friend of mine was getting married somewhere far away and, out of curiousity, I checked to see how close I was going to be to where Sparx lived... turned out - only a very short flight... so we planned our first visit. We spent a week together, and after all those many hours of talking - of not trying to impress each other, and of just being ourselves (what did we have to lose, since we figured we'd never even meet), we discovered we were in love. We had some hard conversations, then. Okay, we were in love, but what were we going to (or willing to) do about it? What were our options.... we had two different countries to deal with. Ultimately, the best for all involved was to settle in Canada, marriage was legal and I could immigrate as Her spouse once we were married... and we picked Vancouver. She and the boys needed to move away from the small town they were in as they were in an economically depressed area. Vancouver was further than they'd planned but had a LOT of opportunities for her and the boys (one of whom is officially gifted - tested etc, the other classified as a gifted underachiever) and school, etc. AND this would keep me a reasonable drive away from some of my closest friends and family members. The nice thing about this choice was that we ALL moved to a new place... a new city... and began our life together, there, fresh. It wasn't anyone's home turf. This was a HUGE advantage because we all had to learn and adapt together. Additionally, during the immigration process, we were married but living apart, so we transitioned from a cross continent LDR, to a three hour commute LDR as I could come up to Vancouver to visit most weekends until my paperwork was finished.... i temporarily relocated just a wee bit closer during the interim period which made a huge difference. Look, the thing is, that LDRs ARE hard... but if it's the right relationship, if it's healthy and you've taken the time to get to know each other, there are ways to make it work... but the best advice I could give anyone is that really old fashioned advice. Get to know each other with less strings attached, first. Get comfortable, really comfortable with the person - get to the point where you know you're able to totally let go and be yourself - before you uproot yourself or ask your partner to uproot themselves. Find out what makes sense, together. Sparx and I had these tough conversations, we had to be brutally honest with each other. We talked about the impact our decisions and plans would have on us if, ultimately, the relationship and/or marriage didn't last. We had to know that moving to Vancouver would ultimately be a wise choice - no matter what. Risk vs. Benefit. Neither of us wanted to have big regrets if things didn't work out. Those conversations were hard. We were in the swooney honeymoon romantic stage. I didnt' want to talk about "What if we break up", but looking back five years later - I am so glad we did. I don't have to wonder, now, if some part of Her or the boys regrets moving here. I know they don't. I know they wanted this, not JUST because of me, but because it was the right thing for the three of them. As so many have said - communicate, communicate, communicate! Be authentic. Really hear each other. There really are some magical love stories out there that began as LDRs.... ~o