12-15-2009, 04:00 PM | #41 | |
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12-15-2009, 04:05 PM | #42 | |
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Ahh yes, the TN Baptist Children's home, I have had dealings with them too. I've worked on other stuff in therapy, but it never occurred to me that some of my issues come from the lies and secrecy around my adoption. I am pretty successful too, but the past year have been really rough with the death of my adoptive father from who I was estranged. In dealing with that, I find he was not my only issue.
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12-15-2009, 04:07 PM | #43 | |
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Start it and I will post! Ha, I've said all this here, why not!
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12-15-2009, 04:23 PM | #44 |
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apocaliptic
yeah,those nightmares can and are hell.I have some that are so real its scary,most mornings I roll out of bed in a sweat heart raceing others I barely or dont remember at all,the ones I do remember are mostly about abuse,loss as well I some like im on the outside looking in on what like should have been..then theres one nearly like I describe just a bit diffrent,my therapist calls it a rescue dream.I hear the voice,feel the presence.smell the sents...just never see the face...really weired. Gotta go for now,be back on later...yall take care. Rockin |
12-15-2009, 04:39 PM | #45 | |
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12-15-2009, 05:37 PM | #46 |
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My heart goes out to those of You who have experienced trauma throughout all of this adoption process.....
I consider myself pretty fortunate, in spite of the fact that I have a lot of hindsight over the way my Mom's extended family treated me. I have to laugh when I think on it......we see it all the time, don't we? Here's a whole field of sheep and then there's that cute black one over there (me) who is SOOOOOOO not like any of the others. I'm not sure how my parents dealt with how different I was! <giggle> All of the cousins were all quiet and plain and .......forgive me....BORING. And here is this child who lived with such happiness and would bound in a room and be so full of glee and say the first thing on her mind....and say it LOUDLY! (My joke has always been that my Dad's favorite word for me was "Shhhh!!!".) Here lately, I have had to make the difficult decision to "divorce" myself from future contact with my bio 1/2~sister for her toxicity and passive~aggressiveness. Some of the things she has said to me ~ out loud and in writing ~ has been outrageous. I just don't have time for crap like that. This thread is SOOOOOO interesting...finding out just how many of us have experienced chosen families.....thanks, Jen, for starting it! It's a difficult topic sometimes.......and took a lot of courage to open up the discussions! |
12-15-2009, 06:14 PM | #47 |
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Before or after birth dreams...never thought about that.I do know im the oldest of twins,born ten sceonds after midnight (if that means anything,not to me but did to my grannie who was old world to the letter) premmie all of one pound 14oz.Grannie said I came hear holloering like a banshee,my twin didnt make it..or so they say cause I cant find out anything cause of closed records.My grannie told me I was a throw back to her younger days in the old country,said I would have made a good gypsy cause I had the heart and soul that her mother would love. Diva I so get u on being the odd one in the family,then add queer to it,yep u got, it a barrel full of sh--.I was the first one to try about anything,go where I wanted,do what I could get a way with.I was born into a staunch italian catholic family where a girl child grew up to make more little catholics to be bidable and follow the rules.One cousin went into the priesthood,one of my widowed aunts became a nun.In truth my femele cousins were anything but saintly and the male couisins drunks,abusers and doper..all coverd up in a bright shiny package of reapectablity.Actually even with all I have gone threw I feel so blessed not to have ended up any worse that did.Heck all it took was for me to just grab bags and walk out of the mess,them get help while I rebuilt my life. Rockin |
12-15-2009, 08:08 PM | #48 |
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Have you always known you were adopted?
Have you met your birth parents? How did your adopted parents tell you you were adopted? I have always known I was adopted, my parents told me as soon as I was old enough to understand what it meant. I don't remember them telling me, it seems like I have always known. I have not met my birth parents, my records are sealed. However, I did find out that in NY (where my adoption took place), one could petition the Department of Social Services for nonidentifying information. When I was pregnant with my son, I decided to try this option. What I was really looking for was any medical information they might have. That is one of my concerns with closed adoption. In this day and age of early screening and prevention for a multitude of health problems, I am at a disadvantage not knowing my medical history. The information I received was not very helpful...but considering the age of my biological parents it was not surprising. After all, how many of us as teens think about our medical history? I did find out the ages of my bio parents, their heritage, height, weight, hair and eye color, but not much else.
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12-15-2009, 08:39 PM | #49 | |
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I was put on a bus when I was 18 with the clothes on my back with a bus ticket and told I was never welcomed in their home again (adopted parents) sent up here to Big D to meet my real parents. And my adopted parents told me I was adopted by telling me that I would grow up fat and not wanted just like the trash that had me. Which my biological mom was not. |
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12-15-2009, 09:03 PM | #50 | |
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(insert great big gay hugs here) I know you are pretty successful... You are an amazing woman and I'm glad you recognize what others around you know... you rawk. Sometimes, things come forefront, at least for me, when I least expect them to... perhaps the timing of "now" for your adoption issues is more that you were in a place to be open to the idea that it "might be more"... sometimes (again, at least for me) its easier not to acknowledge something as to not breathe life into it. *shrugs* but then, whatdoiknow? LOL I don't think it matters when you deal with them... at least you are moving forward... making that effort. Its hard. It hurts. Its especially difficult for those of us with entrenched trust/openness issues to be that emotionally vulnerable. With our loved ones... with our partners... let's not even talk about with strangers. For me, the resolution to some things is that there is no resolution. It just is. I've got good listening ears if you ever need to talk. Christie |
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12-15-2009, 10:46 PM | #51 | ||
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But I am not fond of closed adoption either due to the records being sealed Quote:
I agree I wonder if its a disease that I don't know about |
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12-16-2009, 09:17 AM | #52 | |
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I do think sometimes the issues that our partners face or have faced need to be seen by us and appreciated. I have had two partners now who were adopted and it is amazing how very differently they have each dealt with the issues that come with it. I also am a firm believer in the notion that the universe never gives us more than we can handle and that it works with divine timing. Meaning.. when the stuff surfaces, it is usually exactly when it needs to, as we have become ready to address it. I am very grateful for this thread and will back out now to not distract. You all are incredible folks! The willingness to share is nothing but pure strength and grace. Thank you. |
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12-16-2009, 09:30 AM | #53 | |||||
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Still am around them. You sound adorable as a kid! xoxoxoxoxo Quote:
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Thank you sweetie!! xoxoxo I may find that there is no answer, but I have several issues I somehow need to try to resolve. My family phobia if nothing else. I want to feel comfortable at parties. I want to be excited to visit family (both mine and Cynthias). I want to stop being so easily overwhelmed. Stop scanning, stop overreacting, learn to relax. Maybe it will help, and either way I get to meet new people and hear interesting stories and know that I am not alone in my feelings. Its all good!
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12-16-2009, 09:33 AM | #54 | |
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I think for those of us who have been abandoned in a huge way early on, having an understanding supportive partner is a wonderful and very important thing! I like the idea of things surfacing when we are ready to handle them. Again, thanks for posting and being so supportive!
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12-16-2009, 09:55 AM | #55 |
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Yes they knew that's where I was sent ar 18 to meet with a bus ticket.
Some people should adopt and others should never be allowed to. I know this sunject is hard for everyone hugs all around |
12-16-2009, 10:33 AM | #56 | |
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Crazy isn't it?
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12-16-2009, 10:36 AM | #57 |
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12-16-2009, 10:45 AM | #58 |
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Yep It Is crazy
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12-16-2009, 11:56 AM | #59 |
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my grannie was my bio grannie,she was from the old country Italy as she called it,her family heritage was a hodgepodeg of things.Mostly Italian,some spanish a bit from romainia.Grand pa was full scicilain,younger son who took his inheratence off to the new world(usa).The family rumor was that grannie had the gift and was some sort of seer,she read cards,had chryistels ect.She could almost anser many questions before I could ask them.No,she never would teach me anything no matter how hard I tryed to get her to,said it had no place in the up and comeing world I lived in.To bad cause I would love to know the things she did. Rockin |
12-16-2009, 12:14 PM | #60 |
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I agree some people shouldn't be allowed to adopt or have babies....
My real mother is one of those people, she was in essence a HO, I can say that cuz that's my birthmom. She has 7 other kids besides me, I was the only one given up for adoption, my only brother is in prison for murder and is a lifer, my sisters are addicts with children by different men (ala Jerry Springer and Maury show type). I have been told there are 2 men who can possibly be my father but my mother lies so much I am not sure I can trust her but with her track record, I can kinda see how that could be possible. I am either from Oilfield Trash or Cattle Rancher trash LOL, either one isn't bad, just wish I knew which one I was. |
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