Getting Rid of Flippant Language : Check Yourselves Here

[Medusa]

I was doing some thinking over the last few weeks and wanted to bring up a topic of discussion about hurtful language or the flippant use of words that might be super hurtful to other folks.

I have been making a concious effort not to say someone is "a pussy" if I feel they are acting in a rat-like, weasely, wimpish, or spineless manner. Because really, Im a feminist and using a word like "pussy" to describe bad behavior doesnt flow with my feminist roots all that well.

Im also trying to be more conscious of using the verbiage "someone is bitching and griping" because again, "bitching" implies "whining like a bitch". And I think we might all be able to see the problem with using the word "bitch" in this manner

Another one that I feel is particularly hurtful:

"r*tard" - as in "something is r*tarded"

Let's talk about it. Are there words that you find offensive when used flippantly? Have you done work around your own set of problematic language?
Let's talk about breaking those habits and developing new ways of speaking.

[Hudson]

whatever!










-----------------

[Selenay]

Gypped and Jewed.

gyp
"to cheat, swindle," 1889, Amer.Eng., probably short for Gypsy.

jewed
verb. To get screwed over or cheated out of something.


(Source and Source)

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by Selenay

Gypped and Jewed.

gyp
"to cheat, swindle," 1889, Amer.Eng., probably short for Gypsy.

jewed
verb. To get screwed over or cheated out of something.


(Source and Source)

Ah yes!

I think I was 18 or 19 before I knew that using those words to describe how I got a better deal on something was ignorant and offensive. I grew up with a Step-Father saying those words every Saturday at yard sales "Well, can I get you any lower on the price?"


GREAT examples.

[Medusa]

And I almost forgot:

the terminology around being an "Indian Giver"

ouch.

[Words]

Bastard.

My two adopted children are technically bastards. And yes, I'm ashamed of the fact that I sometimes use the word in jest when teasing folks I care about or else referring to someone I dislike or have issues with.

I am, however, working on not using it and wish other folks would do the same thing.

Words

[Apocalipstic]

Ohhhhhh, this is gonna be hard.

I actually am a bastard and still say it a lot. You are right though, I need to watch it.

[Just_G]

I see what you all are saying with this thread...I totally get it, but....yes the infamous "but", sometimes people don't think about certain meanings of words before using them. I know I say "you lucky bastard" all the time when a friend of mine wins money playing the lotto. I don't mean it in a bad way at all. I will be more aware next time.

Some words or phrases bug people and rub them the wrong way. I know because there is one that drives me nuts, but it is one of those things people say all the time and I know they mean no offense to me when they say it, so I let it roll off. That is: "I could pull my hair out", or "you are making me pull my hair out", and there is even a little smilie avitar guy that pulls his hair (not on this site). You see, I have a hairpulling disorder. I pull my hair, but I do it subconsciously...without knowing I am even doing it....and it is when I am really stressed out. I usually notice when I go to cut my hair and see thinning patches on my head. (it is called trichotillomania)

I know those phrases are ones that people use to show their frustration or stress level. I never say a word because 1. it happens all the time 2. people don't have a clue about hairpulling disorders 3. to me (and this is just ME and my opinion in this situation) it would be petty of my to say "don't say that" when it has nothing directly to do with me. (it could be their bills, or their kids, or their lovers, etc. that make them say that)

I guess all in all, I try not to use words or phrases that are offensive, but I get that they are out there...trust me.

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by Words

Bastard.

My two adopted children are technically bastards. And yes, I'm ashamed of the fact that I sometimes use the word in jest when teasing folks I care about or else referring to someone I dislike or have issues with.

I am, however, working on not using it and wish other folks would do the same thing.

Words

Thank you, Words. I had never thought of that type of implication around that word but absolutely see how it can be ouchy.

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by Just_G

I see what you all are saying with this thread...I totally get it, but....yes the infamous "but", sometimes people don't think about certain meanings of words before using them. I know I say "you lucky bastard" all the time when a friend of mine wins money playing the lotto. I don't mean it in a bad way at all. I will be more aware next time.

Some words or phrases bug people and rub them the wrong way. I know because there is one that drives me nuts, but it is one of those things people say all the time and I know they mean no offense to me when they say it, so I let it roll off. That is: "I could pull my hair out", or "you are making me pull my hair out", and there is even a little smilie avitar guy that pulls his hair (not on this site). You see, I have a hairpulling disorder. I pull my hair, but I do it subconsciously...without knowing I am even doing it....and it is when I am really stressed out. I usually notice when I go to cut my hair and see thinning patches on my head. (it is called trichotillomania)

I know those phrases are ones that people use to show their frustration or stress level. I never say a word because 1. it happens all the time 2. people don't have a clue about hairpulling disorders 3. to me (and this is just ME and my opinion in this situation) it would be petty of my to say "don't say that" when it has nothing directly to do with me. (it could be their bills, or their kids, or their lovers, etc. that make them say that)

I guess all in all, I try not to use words or phrases that are offensive, but I get that they are out there...trust me.

Actually you have touched on something else that I am trying to learn to navigate. (and thank you for talking so honestly about this G, I know it can be scary!)

I have a cousin who has constant seizures and I know that my Aunt (her mom) had one really bad argument with someone in my family during a holiday several years back. Someone made the comment, "GOD! Dont have a fucking seizure!"
My Aunt let the other family member know really quick that it was hurtful and triggery.

I can see that. I can see how phrases that are entrenched in our culture can become the "catch of the day" but also might be triggery to someone dealing with real issues.

Much like you G, I try to leave room and humor where I can. Its a fine line and I think we all have to do what feels comfortable for us. For instance, my own 'ouchy' feelings around the word "pussy" dont feel ouchy when other Femmes use that word in the same way. Its just a choice I make for myself and no judgment on other folks who dont see it the way I do.

[Just_G]

Originally Posted by Medusa

Actually you have touched on something else that I am trying to learn to navigate. (and thank you for talking so honestly about this G, I know it can be scary!)

I have a cousin who has constant seizures and I know that my Aunt (her mom) had one really bad argument with someone in my family during a holiday several years back. Someone made the comment, "GOD! Dont have a fucking seizure!"
My Aunt let the other family member know really quick that it was hurtful and triggery.

I can see that. I can see how phrases that are entrenched in our culture can become the "catch of the day" but also might be triggery to someone dealing with real issues.

Much like you G, I try to leave room and humor where I can. Its a fine line and I think we all have to do what feels comfortable for us. For instance, my own 'ouchy' feelings around the word "pussy" dont feel ouchy when other Femmes use that word in the same way. Its just a choice I make for myself and no judgment on other folks who dont see it the way I do.

I used to get really bent out of shape when I was in my teens, but have learned that I deal with this certain situation better if I joke around and make light of it. It is something so rare that a lot of people don't know it exists. I am not offended by it so much any more, but sometimes when I hear it, I ...luckily that is not very often.

Phrases mean different things to different people....unless it is a blatant, in-your-face, on purpose kind of thing meant to be hurtful, I think there has to be some lee-way given or everyone will constantly be walking on eggshells.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I struggle with words all the time. I words I hate being called retard, stupid, lazy, wacko, or the ones that center on my health issues like having seizures & being asked if I act like a fish out of water flopping on the floor.

I just am not the kind of person to respond negatively back at the sayer of the remark. I tend to keep it in. Sometimes after repeated "attacks" and nobody steps in, I just let loose and say something. The words may not be the right ones, or may come out backwards - that person knows they are being nasty.

When my tics start up, I am a hermit. It is a horrible thing to have. Jokes just seem endless. And when someone see's me with my tic going full force, they laugh. I ignore it. They don't know better.

My bio-father was verbally abuse towards me. I am a very quiet and shy person. I try to let things go, and really try to be a man of forgiveness. However, there are some folks who really do enjoy being mean and ugly, like my father. They are the ones I avoid. At the end of every day, I pray for them. They need it. It takes no more energy to be mean than it does to be kind and loving.

[TeaPartyTart]

While I agree there should be some editing in speech, I do think there is such a think as being overly PC.

For example:
One of my favorite sayings is "Fuck a Duck".

While I mean no harm to the member of the poultry family or have any inkling of beastility, I still say it. I will most likely continue saying it.

I can appreciate a level of checking one's self but I don't want to lose sight of still being able to express myself in a manner that provides a sense of character and uniqueness.

[Waldo]

As someone who wanted to be a linguist I'm well aware of all of the horrible origins in many of the phrases we use every day.

Medusa I get where you're going with this thread but I don't necessarily think of these things as flippant. Often times it's quite calculated.

But we would all do well to educate ourselves on the words we use online and in person.

[Bob]

Originally Posted by Just_G

You see, I have a hairpulling disorder.

Not to make light of your condition, Just_G, but this is a good example of why it's impossible to speak in such a way that no one will ever be offended. Or, to use a more personal example, several years ago I was diagnosed with ADD. It annoys the living crap out of me (no offense to sentient crap intended) when people make silly remarks about ADD, about 'ooh, bright shiny' etc. They've got some sound-bite knowledge about it (ergo, none), and have no idea what the real experience of ADD is like (frequently, quite difficult and painful.) Be that as it may, it's an annoyance, not something that offends me. Because, after all, you can't LOOK at me at tell that I have it.

Using words that are clearly derogatory and directed at body parts, skin color, (obvious) mental handicaps and the like are used way too often by a lot of people who should know better. My theory? We're lazy and as a culture have become coarsened to certain types of language. (I'm so sick of hearing the word fuck and its derivatives used as a noun, verb, adjective, and gerund I could fuckin cut a bitch.) In Medusa's example of using 'pussy/bitch' around her femme friends and that being okay is no more so than blacks referring to themselves as niggas. The argument (which Medusa didn't make, I hasten to add) that it's somehow empowering, I think, is bullshit. I think it subconsciously reinforces negative stereotypes even within the groups that are 'taking back' the word(s) at issue.

I got off track here and can't find the rails. Nevermind.

[blush]

"wife-beater" instead of tank top

Yeah, I've used this term, but I'm really trying to get it out of my vocabulary.

[Diva]

I love this thread, even though I'm the Queen of Flippant. Ok....maybe Medusa is the Queen, but I'm in the court there somewhere......

~Don't care for the term "wife~beater" either.
~Don't care for the word "retarded".
~My Dad ~ God bless his redneck heart ~ used to say "colored" all the time when describing an African~American.....and every time I heard him say it, I asked him what color they were. He would look at me like I'd lost my mind and say "black". But I can remember when he said the "n" word as a small child, too.....<shiver>
~Don't care for the word "bastard", but I am known to use the word "bastid", which I guess can be considered doubly bad, as I'm saying "bastard" and making sport of the northeastern accent in the process.....

But like someone mentioned earlier, it's in the intent, I'm thinking......I don't mean for it to be hurtful when I say "bastid".....so if I AM, then call me on it. I'm really ok with that. If we start bein' offended by everything everybody says, we'll all be playin' Pictionary pretty soon.....

Edited to add that I have ADD & am technically a bastid myself.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Medusa

I was doing some thinking over the last few weeks and wanted to bring up a topic of discussion about hurtful language or the flippant use of words that might be super hurtful to other folks.

I have been making a concious effort not to say someone is "a pussy" if I feel they are acting in a rat-like, weasely, wimpish, or spineless manner. Because really, Im a feminist and using a word like "pussy" to describe bad behavior doesnt flow with my feminist roots all that well.

Im also trying to be more conscious of using the verbiage "someone is bitching and griping" because again, "bitching" implies "whining like a bitch". And I think we might all be able to see the problem with using the word "bitch" in this manner

Another one that I feel is particularly hurtful:

"r*tard" - as in "something is r*tarded"

Let's talk about it. Are there words that you find offensive when used flippantly? Have you done work around your own set of problematic language?
Let's talk about breaking those habits and developing new ways of speaking.

I think it's a wonderful idea for thread, since we all have used words and phrases that have hurt others throughout our lives. It's impossible to not have done so.

Originally Posted by Bob

Not to make light of your condition, Just_G, but this is a good example of why it's impossible to speak in such a way that no one will ever be offended. Or, to use a more personal example, several years ago I was diagnosed with ADD. It annoys the living crap out of me (no offense to sentient crap intended) when people make silly remarks about ADD, about 'ooh, bright shiny' etc. They've got some sound-bite knowledge about it (ergo, none), and have no idea what the real experience of ADD is like (frequently, quite difficult and painful.) Be that as it may, it's an annoyance, not something that offends me. Because, after all, you can't LOOK at me at tell that I have it.

Using words that are clearly derogatory and directed at body parts, skin color, (obvious) mental handicaps and the like are used way too often by a lot of people who should know better. My theory? We're lazy and as a culture have become coarsened to certain types of language. (I'm so sick of hearing the word fuck and its derivatives used as a noun, verb, adjective, and gerund I could fuckin cut a bitch.) In Medusa's example of using 'pussy/bitch' around her femme friends and that being okay is no more so than blacks referring to themselves as niggas. The argument (which Medusa didn't make, I hasten to add) that it's somehow empowering, I think, is bullshit. I think it subconsciously reinforces negative stereotypes even within the groups that are 'taking back' the word(s) at issue.

I got off track here and can't find the rails. Nevermind.

I got a lot out of this post, but I hesitated when I came to the underlined part. Our community has 'taken back' many terms that were used in a derogatory manner, such as dyke and Queer.

As someone who id's as Queer, I hope that I'm not reinforcing a negative stereotype of Queers.

[apretty]

Originally Posted by Selenay

Gypped and Jewed.

gyp
"to cheat, swindle," 1889, Amer.Eng., probably short for Gypsy.

jewed
verb. To get screwed over or cheated out of something.


(Source and Source)

coming clean:

while the term 'jewed' makes my skin crawl--i never knew that 'gyp' was related to 'gypsy' until about 6 months ago, the reason it never occurred to me is because 1. i don't normally say, 'gypped' as it seems out-dated and 2. i had thought the spelling was, 'jipped'. i had occasion to write the word, and when i looked it up i was dismayed to find that it was 'gyp' and knew immediately that it had its origins in/of relating to 'gypsy'. i thought to relate this story because i don't consider myself to be unaware when it comes to language and origins of words--somehow this one got by me.

[Darth Denkay]

Hearing someone use the term "retarded" sets me off every time.

Another phrase that gets to me is when someone is having a bad day and someone says "oh, they must not have had their prozac today." That is insulting to anyone who takes psychotropic drugs. I call people on it. I realize that folks don't intend it as insulting but I will not sit by and let it go.

Bob, I get you that it is difficult to say things that will never offend others, but when something is said folks need to be called on it. Offensive language is not okay. I can give someone the benefit of the doubt if they simply don't know any better, but once it is pointed out if they continue to use it it is disrespectful to a group of us.

There are certain areas where we are frequently reminded that if a member of said group is offended by words/phrases then we need to respect them and refrain from said word/phrase. Why is this considered appropriate for some groups but not others? There is nothing remotely humerous about mental illness or the medications used to treat it. If someone makes a flippant statement utilizing that language they should be called on it. No excuses not to be or to continue to use that kind of language.

Can you tell that I'm passionate about this?