Friends of Bill W.

[RockOn]

Today, I am reminding myself to:

Keep the main thing the main thing!

Met with my sponsor at our local mall Food Court this past Friday night. Man, she has recently become "the Assignment Lady." I have a butt-load of stuff to do ... and work my regular daytime job too. What is up with that? Not only did I get several assignments but I had to email her Saturday morning with a list of all she told me to do. I was thinking she wanted to make sure I did not forget anything she suggested I do. When I talked to her this morning, she did say the email request was to deter me away from my built-in forgetter ... so I was right.

Sometimes I just want my life back, you know, like doing normal stuff instead of recovery stuff all the time ... but I already know when I am not extremely active in my program on a regular basis ... the old me will slip back in. And today, that is unacceptable.

In spite of what I have said here about wanting a "normal life," (whatever that is) I am sincerely thankful to be sober. Without that, the hole in my soul appears ... then gets bigger and bigger ... my ideas get grander and grander ... then I eventually hit the wall. I am told I must seek humility or my ego, selfishness and self-centeredness (and other things) will either make me and all those poor souls around me miserable ... or kill me.

Before I got into recovery, I did not have a choice. My intellect and my willpower are of absolutely no use to me over my addictions. For me, it is impossible for me to think and plan myself into living a sober life if I do not participate in my own recovery. An "alone Brock" will get Brock high/drunk. They told me in the beginning that is why the first word in the first step is "WE."

My recovery path has taught me I have choices ... as long I follow a few simple suggestions. I have been given a spiritual toobox. This toolbox contains everything necessary to keep me sober. All that is required of me is for me to pick up these tools, use them and be willing to listen, follow the suggestions of the sponsor lady and friends in the program who got there ahead of me. It works. This has been proven to me over and over.

Recovery is not for the overly-sensitive, faint-hearted, sissies and whiners. My sponsor told me Friday night that I am getting cocky. Can you believe she said that about me???

She said it to my face, even. AT THE MALL FOODCOURT!

damn ....

think I will remain teachable ....I do not have to like everything all of the time.

Here are some flowers for all you sober people who are reading this. I know you have understood ever single thing I have rambled about here in this post.

These flowers are also for the ones we are saving a chair for ...

I choose the list my sponsor gave me Friday night ...
I choose to continue to be directable.

Brock

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 15

DESERVING


Tender toes crushed by moving memories, fresh pain from ancient injuries, shock incurred from these lifeless reminiscences. Unhappy reconstructions slap unsuspecting faces. The people, who stood by to let the chips fall where they may, try to feign 'innocent bystander' now that shit is falling from the sky. Unexposed skin will burn when the flames leap high. Idiotic excuses will not retard the fire of injustice coming to call. Too late tears carry no freight with the past recipients of the it all runs down hill award. Cowards make themselves cripples and fracture at the force of incoming reality, and deserve more than they get.


Once well is a full feeling.

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 16

DOWN THE UPSIDE



On the downside of a rising star there is too much fear. Anticipation is recommended for ascent, delight should be encouraged, but all out alarm is usually sounded whether it is needed or not. Panic dims the shining pleasure of mounting the sky. Refuting celestial status, denying astral projection, I renounce myself. Attaining height, my position in space is apparent to bystanders and onlookers. I need to ride the comet and accept fate, my nemesis. Fortune shines on me, I should not squint away kismet.


Expand your spiritual muscle.

[RockOn]

regarding Sherrie's November 15th post ...

Always ...
prayers to the Good Spirit for the innocent bystanders ...
many, many times ...
their only fault is to be having the misfortune of standing at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Such a shame innocents are harmed too.

[Soft*Silver]

what you will not do for yourself, GOD will do for you. I tend to isolate. I use the internet to give me my social fix. So, my laptop broke for about two weeks during the period I hit my two year anniversary. Haha. Good one, GOD.

I was so screwed up after my relapse that I walked around this year thinking I was heading into three years. Giggling. It just feels like three years worth of work in two years.

Nov 11 two years ago I drank like a pig. The next day I had a drink to get the courage to tell my kid I had relapsed. The following day I drank because she told me in a phone call she never wanted to have anything to do with me again. November 13th. Two years. My daughter and I are so close now. I have uninterrupted sobriety. A sponsor. A home group. A working program. Much better physical, emotional and spiritual health. I am in my own home. I am loved by my family and friends. I am in the process of obtaining my CD counselor credentials as well as my certified therapist credentials. Which will open doors to employment which are closed to me because I lack these two things in this state.

I am doing really great. I am so glad I relapsed. It stopped the suffering because it ended the denial....

[RockOn]

softness, I am very happy for you in that things are going so well.
Good post! Thanks for opening up and sharing your real self with us.

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 17


Induction

I have a massive energy transformer that lives inside me. It is explosive in nature and risky to toy with. But if used properly I can power my whole world with the current which flows through it to me from my Higher Power. If I use it improperly I can melt down my core and burn down my life. The connections are of the utmost importance, insulation is a priority as well. I know that I am conduit and so much more. I must do my part as the carrier and the arbiter of change.





The absence of joy is a sin


*

FLAW IN SNOW

Waiting for snow-
Waiting for cold fingers, slick roads
Warm beds, reading by firelight.

Waiting for proof of lack of control.
Waiting itself proves lack of control.

I can dance the snow dance
And refuse to buy new shovels.
Hang out laundry,
Put out all manner of storm tempters.

Still I cannot force the hand of nature
I must sit with my crystalline optimism
And endure these cloudless skies.

There will be snow
It will fall somewhere
But I mustn’t grow over anxious
Cause it may never snow in Miami.