Getting Rid of Flippant Language : Check Yourselves Here

[WolfyOne]

Originally Posted by Medusa

Im so glad we are all having this conversation!

And I just want to say that Wolfy brought up a word that made me think a little harder (thanks Wolfy!)


The word "cunt"..aka the "c" bomb *isnt* problematic for me. I personally ADORE that word. It feels like a reclamation of power to me.
Here is the point that I wanted to make with this thread, there are words that we might use in our vocabulary that feel different to other people. Wolfy gave a great example of how the "c" bomb feels when Wolfy hears it.
I can now be *aware* when I use that word in Wolfy's presense that Wolfy feels differently about that word than I do.

And awareness gives us the ability to make choices. I like that.

Now, here is another thing to think about. It feels to me like there is a difference in using words that are racially, ethnically, or culturally offensive (think "gypped") and using words like "cunt" that may be sexist or misogynistic when describing a woman and people like me who use the word "cunt" to take the power back from the hierarchy that tries to villify or silence me with my own sexuality.

One of those is NEVER ok, one of those is ok (for me) because of how *I* own it. I dont know if this makes any sense here.

Now, do I think that someone could come in and say "Well, I use the word "gyp" because it means that I am owning it differently"? No. I think that a word like that, when used in the context of denigrating an entire group of people, can't be owned by anything except one of those -isms. (or ignorance)

Again, I am SO SO SO glad that we are all talking about this. I think that we can all help each other communicate in more thoughtful ways and ways that make the Planet feel more positive to everyone who comes here. Thank you all so much

If the word is used pertaining to ones self and you feel good about it, great. I have always thought it vulgar. Growing up in Chicago and having 5 brothers, I heard it spit out of their mouths more ways than I can count. Ignorant is all I can say about a few of my brothers. Some grew up and learned and some never grew up.

Communication is a big part of what's missed in some threads. Once one person takes a sentence or two out of context from the OP's way of thinking, others also tend to jump on the band wagon. I know, I've been guilty of it myself. There are threads many won't go into out of fear.....fear of either being rejected or humiliated. We all have our own opinions and it's ok. It's not ok to jump all over anyone in a thread. The language you use to present yourself is reflected upon you. I want others to always feel comfy here, so I'll do my best to watch how I use my words. We can agree to disagree as long as what we say doesn't come across as flippant.

[WILDCAT]

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

If the word is used pertaining to ones self and you feel good about it, great. I have always thought it vulgar. Growing up in Chicago and having 5 brothers, I heard it spit out of their mouths more ways than I can count. Ignorant is all I can say about a few of my brothers. Some grew up and learned and some never grew up.

Communication is a big part of what's missed in some threads. Once one person takes a sentence or two out of context from the OP's way of thinking, others also tend to jump on the band wagon. I know, I've been guilty of it myself. There are threads many won't go into out of fear.....fear of either being rejected or humiliated. We all have our own opinions and it's ok. It's not ok to jump all over anyone in a thread. The language you use to present yourself is reflected upon you. I want others to always feel comfy here, so I'll do my best to watch how I use my words. We can agree to disagree as long as what we say doesn't come across as flippant.

Wow, this was sad to me. I'm sorry you went through this experience WolfyOne, with your siblings. I can't even imagine.

I always thought the "c" word was vulgar sounding too. It was like the worst thing you could say about a woman. It our area it is still not used - except for my one friend's family! All of the girls there say it. (Think like "Kitty from Gunsmoke", using the highest level of profanity! And ALL quick tempered redheads! FUN!! Now, I am a bit of a redhead, not being "redist" here, Mm-K?)

There were three sisters and ONE brother growing up in our household. IF my brother would have EVER used "any" word like that to/at/for us, there would have been a hole out one of the house walls replicating his exact dimensions.

Places like this with public writing, of course I try to be considerate. Isn't it just common courtesy? Sometimes I am shocked by what I read, AND I also have knee-jerked with the band wagon - that has normally been when someone was not just confused, or not showing they now understand or even care, but actually being downright rude and provocative - seemingly with intent. (WHICH has often kind of proved the point for the "knee-jerk" in the first place and follow up responses. Instigating, so to speak. Target words used with mal-intention.)

But, we are going to make mistakes. It's how we learn and grow! (I know, I always say this kind of stuff!) And everyone is at a different place of personal growth and understanding. I've said this before too - that's just the reality of it all. There are many kind and helpful folks here though.

Some rude ones are "joykill" for me though, I'll admit. The spirit and intention of a brand new thread can be brought down SO QUICKLY. I would get all excited to see something of interest to me - next thing I knew there is someone posting antagonistically somehow. It is hurtful and seems senseless to me. But, "humor" to someone else. Hatred sometimes? Perhaps some of this does make sense to some, well clearly it does - as wars break out for folks taking sides. We usually see these things on what we know are the "hot topics". (And then there's the nasty breakups of course...)

Yes, we also see repeatedly that folks state, "this is why I stay on the fluff and fun threads". I have often considered that myself.

The wars are generally for two different reasons though. Sticking up for someone they know or share the same sentiment(s), OR because someone felt someone was jumped on too harshly. Sometimes in the heat of battle we can't even keep from [distinguishing] that too clearly...



We should be able to write anywhere here without fear. IF someone rips on me publicly in a thread, or writes something "anti" any person, group, culture, etc... folks can and will speak up. That is community. That's not all a bad thing.

The trolls kill me. I finally accepted that this is done on purpose (yeah, it was a true shocker and heart breaker), and now can see the pattern at times. We need to be careful with that here I believe - and not turn on each other when we are in fact being set up to do so. (That's NOT the same thing at all where there is a good debate topic up for discussion.)

Generally, once I am done with someone though... I am "done". Their loss! (I do embrace efforts however to clear up things - for the genuine at heart. I'm a softy that way!) I see there are others like this too.




*There are no easy answers. It IS just good that discussions are taking place like this - especially on a new site. Thanks for that!! (I think I got a little too general and broad here. Oops. Emotional "PMS" disclaimer time! Afraid to submit this now... I know, it's boring... but, I hate to expose my thoughts, I just can't help myself though!)

[Selenay]

"Crazy bitch."

You ain't seen crazy til you call me that.

[Lynn]

When I read the title of the thread, I wasn't thinking of specific words, but rather how words are used to demean or dismiss. As Hudson wrote, earlier, "whatever." Being sarcastic, flippant, and dismissive are ways to hurt someone deliberately or thoughtlessly with language. In my view, using language in this way is more offensive than the use of any particular word.

On the subject of specific words, my feelings have changed about certain words, over time. When I came out the first time, in the late 70's, the word queer was not acceptable in my circles. Coming out again, within the past 7 years, I was surprised to hear how the word has been reclaimed. At this point, I love it and use it to describe myself with pride.

I'm fairly desensitized to the use of any word, especially on line, where nuances can be lost. I don't assume that someone has to speak a certain way to avoid offending me. I *do* get offended, but I really won't bother to engage someone about it unless I really give a shit about the person or the subject. I pick my battles. At the same time, I do try to pick my words carefully, to avoid offending as well as to reflect my own meaning and values, and I respect others who do the same.

When someone does find a word to be offensive, I wish they'd just say so, and give the offender a chance to understand and take ownership of how they affected someone else. On a website I'm on, someone recently posted something using the words f#ck and Jesus in the same sentence, which deeply offended another member. She expressed how she felt, the original poster apologized, and that was that. Simple and honest, and considerate. Everyone has a different idea of the meaning of words. Usually, no harm is meant. Things seem to go smoother when you give people the benefit of the doubt.

[MizzSabra]

I'm sure at some point, on some website, I may have offended someone with my language.

Words I use on a regular basis and don't intend on stopping:
Fuck
Cunt
Wife Beater
Bastard (Yup, my daughter is a bastard)
Cock Sucker (saved for those really special people)
That's so GAY (Hear this more from queers than straights)
Fag (I see/hear it ALL the time in queer circles, as a matter of fact I use it to describe myself)
Fat (ie: I shop at the fat girl store)
Queer
Bitch
Jesus Christ (or some variation thereof)

There are more, but it's early and I haven't had my hot chocolate yet.

I guess we've all been offended at something someone has said at some point in our lives. I don't normally get offended if someone calls me names....whatever. That's their shit to deal with, not mine. It takes much more than someone to call me a bitch or a cunt or a fag to offend me. Usually my response is "thanks and you have a great day too!"

[Queerasfck]

!

Originally Posted by MizzSabra

I'm sure at some point, on some website, I may have offended someone with my language.

Words I use on a regular basis and don't intend on stopping:
Fuck
Cunt
Wife Beater
Bastard (Yup, my daughter is a bastard)
Cock Sucker (saved for those really special people)
That's so GAY (Hear this more from queers than straights)
Fag (I see/hear it ALL the time in queer circles, as a matter of fact I use it to describe myself)
Fat (ie: I shop at the fat girl store)
Queer
Bitch
Jesus Christ (or some variation thereof)

There are more, but it's early and I haven't had my hot chocolate yet.

I guess we've all been offended at something someone has said at some point in our lives. I don't normally get offended if someone calls me names....whatever. That's their shit to deal with, not mine. It takes much more than someone to call me a bitch or a cunt or a fag to offend me. Usually my response is "thanks and you have a great day too!"

The only word that really offends Sabra--WALMART!!

[MizzSabra]

Originally Posted by EzeeTiger

!

The only word that really offends Sabra--WALMART!!

It is true. Walmart sends shivers down my spine.

[weatherboi]

Originally Posted by MizzSabra

I'm sure at some point, on some website, I may have offended someone with my language.

Words I use on a regular basis and don't intend on stopping:
Fuck
Cunt
Wife Beater
Bastard (Yup, my daughter is a bastard)
Cock Sucker (saved for those really special people)
That's so GAY (Hear this more from queers than straights)
Fag (I see/hear it ALL the time in queer circles, as a matter of fact I use it to describe myself)
Fat (ie: I shop at the fat girl store)
Queer
Bitch
Jesus Christ (or some variation thereof)

There are more, but it's early and I haven't had my hot chocolate yet.

I guess we've all been offended at something someone has said at some point in our lives. I don't normally get offended if someone calls me names....whatever. That's their shit to deal with, not mine. It takes much more than someone to call me a bitch or a cunt or a fag to offend me. Usually my response is "thanks and you have a great day too!"

I can certainly relate to the bold part of the statement. I usually say the same thing as I am dodging a beer can or a 32oz. styrofoam cup of toothachingly sweet ass iced tea that some redneck threw at me from a truck that sits taller than my house!! LOL

Name calling, and words people choose to use in their vocabulary does not bother me. I do try to watch the words I post because I realize words can be triggers for some folks.

[apretty]

i don't think i'm going to ever get used to hearing, 'that's so gay'. i cringe. i ask for 'clarification' in the nicest way possible.

i love CUNT. (and PUSSY) and the terms feel empowering/affirming to me. calling someone a C is a lot different than just saying the word, 'cunt' or, referencing my own *flower*, however (plus to refrain would be asking me to give up a lot of my favorite bedroom talk).

i do say the rape-word for situations that wouldn't really be considered *sexual assualt/hate crime*. rethinking that, not that i won't say it in the future but am considering what Arwen posted, here. though, i have to say that i feel like it IS the definition of re-victimization when some hateful little man (rush), uses it as slang. i do feel like *MEN* of power and privilege should NEVER use RAPE, especially not to further their political agenda. (makes me SO mad)

(i listen to howard stern, clearly people are able to listen to howard stern and also be sensitive with regards to language.)

[hippieflowergirl]

Originally Posted by Selenay

"Crazy bitch."

You ain't seen crazy til you call me that.

it's like an invitation....