To smoke or not to smoke?

[Nat]

After toying with cigarettes for the last 19 years, I finally got myself addicted this year. I managed to quit for now, but I'm not sure if I'm done done or not. I guess I want to be able to go back to being able to sometimes-smoke, but I'm not sure if that's a possibility anymore.

Anyway, I have been "smoking" cinnamon sticks. You don't light them, but you just breathe through them as though you were smoking. It can feel foolish, but it's satisfying in a weird way. You get the ritual of something with about the same weight and balance, plus the breathing exercise which is part of the pleasure of cigarette-smoking anyway. In fact, it's a more satisfying breathing exercise. It's weird how deep and low you can breathe in clean air that way - it kinda lifts my mood somehow. Anyway, for me I think it's mostly to psyche myself out, but it also has the added benefits of deep breathing and the ritual of holding and breathing through it. Once the chemical addiction began fading, I slowly became less attached to the cinnamon stick simulation, though I still do it.