Tell us...I knew I was...

[princessbelle]

I love this thread and sharing of our stories. It truely makes me smile and it makes me so very thankful that we have a community here. A community to at least share our feelings and to know there are some people out there that truely do understand.

I was six, his name was Rick and all the little girls were in love with him. He liked me, a little blond girl in pigtails who loved all the things little girls were thought to love.....dolls, barbies...pink, pink and more pink.

Rick followed me around my yard and one day gave me a fish pin. I was ok with that and the other little girls were in awe that he gave me that fish pin. I really didn't care at all. However, later on that day he put his arm around me while we were sitting underneath that tree in his front yard. I punched him in the arm.

That is when i knew something was wrong. Not wrong in that little girls do go through the icky stage of not wanting to be around boys and thinking they were gross as in boy germs and all that. My knowledge came from deep within me and i remember thinking "I wish he was a girl". I will never forget that. I can still close my eyes and feel that feeling just as vivid today as i did when i was six.

I knew i was different. I knew i was a girl and loved being one but loved the tough, rugged tombois. I didn't understand being a femme until i came on these sites actually. I thought i was just an "odd" gay women that liked girly things and was even more confused than just being gay like society had taught me.. I hid many years from the outside world, but never from myself. I always knew. I always dreamed. I finally came out after years of thinking something was wrong with me.

Nothing is wrong with me.

[ravfem]

i took Health in HS because i wasn't allowed to take PE. Every day, i would sit almost holding my breath waiting for Coach Rogers to come into class. She was a little butch, maybe 5'2". But o.m.g. when she walked into class....my heart would beat a thousand times a minute and i would just about swoon, i swear!! i never, ever allowed myself to think about why she had that effect on me. i just enjoyed it.

Several years out of HS, i finally figured out i was gay while watching a music video of "Wild Nights" by John Mellencamp (he'd dropped the Cougar by then) with MeShell NdegeOcello. Every time MeShell would flash on screen, these strange things would happen to me.....new things.....yummy things! That was the first time i said to myself, "i'm gay".

i've always been attracted to butches. i tried dating a femme once....didn't last long at all. Just isn't my thing.

[girl_dee]

I knew I was gay from the time I wore diapers.. always chased the tomboys and liked the girls..

yup.. gay.

[bigbutchmistie]

Growing up I always knew I was different. I loved girls. They were so cute to mess with.. As a young butch, I'd pull their hair, pick them flowers, whatever I could do to get their attention

I enjoyed the feelings I would have for different girls. Really girly girls really made me swoon.. to smell their perfume watch them walk in heels, to watch them put their makeup on. I was so sprung. LOL By my teen years, my adopted parents had it figured out I was gay. I was banned to stay home. I had the biggest crush on my Youth Pastor. She was big and beautiful. So sexy and so femme. She would walk in the room and my jaw would drop.

I didnt have a clue as to why I had the feelings I had until I moved to Dallas/Fort Worth. And I wanted to kiss a girl so bad. I was shy, still like I am now to make the first move when I met my first girl who thank God was aggressive. She kissed me in the elevator at Northeast Mall in Hurst, Texas and dropped my knees to the ground. It felt so right. It felt so good. And I spent years in love with her. We were never together in a relationship but she was my first sexually. I wanted to marry her though. LOL And, that was the first time that I realized I really loved women. I was 18

[DomnNC]

I cannot recall a time where I thought of myself as a "girl". I'm like Tommi, I never had an interest in boys, cuz I was a boy. I had two lil girls that used to fight over me in first grade,lol, they were both cute, one a lil spitfire redhead and the other was a dark brunette. I hated being made to wear girl clothes. When "girls" were finally allowed to wear pants and shorts at school (yes, I'm that old!!) I'd sneak and carry a pair of jeans and a tshirt and change as soon as I got there, lol.

I always played with the trucks, cars, GI Joe, etcetcetc and then finally someone was born to play with the girly toys everyone would get me, my baby brother!! Yes, he's gay, I have 2 other brothers who are straight.

I've never dated a boy, never wanted to do so as they woulda made me queer, lol. I had a girlfriend in high school. I joined the Army straight out of high school, when I got to my permanent duty station she moved there with me.

This is all I've ever known, that's to be simply who I am.

[Soft*Silver]

I know this is going to sound strange but in my evolution, I now feel heterosexual. But in a lesbian way. I date masculinized people. Male Id'd butches. FtMs. CIS men. When I am in a relationship, I live a relationship patterned after traditional 50s type heterosexual norms. Clearly defined male female roles. I see myself as a lesbian who lives a heterosexual lifestyle but then I date people who ID as men or at least id with male energy. So how does that fit?

[LipstickLola]

I have always been different, the proverbial 'black sheep' (now PINK) of the family Along with my dolls, I played with a metal, yellow Tonka truck that I got one Christmas. Played in the creek with the neighbor boys finding crawdads to keep in a coffee can. Wore overalls and a pixie hair cut and always had a crush on another girl. Yet when I brought my high school g/f home.......the crap hit the fan. It was 1977 in my traditional, southern, religious family, I know'd I done wrong!! Thus began the stiffling of Lola.

I married a guy that was my best friend who had been dumped by his fiance, we shared lots of the same ideals, and more importantly? the family approved! We had kids and a great life, until I got so sick that I tried to end my life......what was at the bottom? me, the real me. I'm so happy I found her in time to live the second half of my life as the person God made me to be, today, on Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for that, among many other things.

[Tommi]

Originally Posted by softness

I know this is going to sound strange but in my evolution, I now feel heterosexual. But in a lesbian way. I date masculinized people. Male Id'd butches. FtMs. CIS men. When I am in a relationship, I live a relationship patterned after traditional 50s type heterosexual norms. Clearly defined male female roles. I see myself as a lesbian who lives a heterosexual lifestyle but then I date people who ID as men or at least id with male energy. So how does that fit?

Fits fine for me and mine/relationships.

Love,
Ricky

[Tcountry]

Originally Posted by softness

I know this is going to sound strange but in my evolution, I now feel heterosexual. But in a lesbian way. I date masculinized people. Male Id'd butches. FtMs. CIS men. When I am in a relationship, I live a relationship patterned after traditional 50s type heterosexual norms. Clearly defined male female roles. I see myself as a lesbian who lives a heterosexual lifestyle but then I date people who ID as men or at least id with male energy. So how does that fit?

YESS!! only opposite...I Want a 50's housewife...*grin*