Jokes and things that made you laugh.

[scootebaby]

Originally Posted by lipstixgal

That's funny did the laxative work during the night?? It really shouldn't have it usually takes about 8 hours!!

[COLOR="Black"]uh they were fast acting /COLOR]

[lipstixgal]

Originally Posted by scootebaby

[COLOR="Black"]uh they were fast acting /COLOR]

So I'm guessing that you woke up and went to the bathroom in time I hope!!

[JustJo]

Originally Posted by lipstixgal

So I'm guessing that you woke up and went to the bathroom in time I hope!!

[lipstixgal]

Originally Posted by JustJo

By the face you mad Jo I guess not!! I can't believe that a laxative would act so fast at night and a sleeping pill combined too but I guess anything can happen..

[JustJo]

Originally Posted by lipstixgal

By the face you mad Jo I guess not!! I can't believe that a laxative would act so fast at night and a sleeping pill combined too but I guess anything can happen..

No...actually I was trying to tell you that it was a joke

[Admin]

Hey Folks,

We are getting several reported posts from this thread about the content of the "jokes" here.

It is STILL against the TOS to post "jokes" that are racially insensitive, culturally insensitive, -phobic, grossly sexist, etc. Just because it's a joke doesnt mean that it gets a pass on the -isms.

Please keep it clean and accessible to everyone on this site.

Thanks,
Admin

[weatherboi]

How many racists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None...racists don't like being enlightened.

[WolfyOne]

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it.
What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out.
What have you got there, dear?
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear."

[girl_dee]

democrats think the glass is have full
republicans think they OWN the glass.

[WolfyOne]

Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.

"You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"

"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.

"I think you're bad luck."

[WolfyOne]

Harold's new job had him working really late. He decides to get his wife a watchdog. He goes to the pet store and asks for a doberman. The employee said, "If its a guard dog you want I have a dog just for you." The man walks to the back of the store to get a dog and comes back with a little poodle. Harold says, "This small thing, a watch dog? You're kidding, right?" The employee says, "No, this dog is special; he knows karate." "Karate? I don't believe it," Harold says. The employee puts the dog down and says, "Karate the sign." And he points to a sign advertising dog food. The dog runs up and rips the sign to shreds. Harold is amazed at this. The employee then says, "Karate the chair." And he points to a chair in the corner. The dog runs up and rips the chair to shreds. By now Harold is convinced. "I'll take him," he says. When he gets home he surprises his wife and she yells out, "This little thing, a watch dog? No way." Harold says, "But this dog knows karate." "Karate," she yells. "Karate my ass!" ...

[sanee66]

[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mh-zkIJ5cJk&feature=fvst"]YouTube - Laughing Old Man at Comedy Barn.mp4 - YouTube[/nomedia]


i laughed til i cried

[Janstevie]

I would just like to share an experience with you all, and it has to do with drinking and driving.
As you know some of us have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd party over the years.
Well, I for one have done something about it: Last night I was out for a few drinks with some mates and had way too many glasses of the good old white wine.
Knowing full well I was wasted, I did something I've never done before. I took a bus home.
I arrived home safely and without incident which was a real surprise, since I had never driven a bus before!!

[Guy]

Watching VH1 and the classic SNL skit with Janet Jackson about cork soakers. Made me crack up!

[Tommi]

[Janstevie]

"inside me, There's a thin women trying to get out........But i can usually shut the cow up with chocolate."

[Amber2010]

A young man decided to join the Army…
Three days later he was back home and his mother asked “Why did you decide not to stay in?”
He looked at his mother and says….
The First day I was given a comb and then they went and shaved all of my hair off…
The Second day I was given a toothbrush and they pulled eight of my teeth…
The third day they gave me a jock strap… I was not waiting... Over the wall I went!!!

[tapu]

A woman, just turned 40, admired herself in the bedroom mirror, saying, "I think I look better now than I did at 30."

And her husband, standing behind her, said, "REALLY??"



(Repeat from my blog--sorry. Janny's joke reminded me. This one is a "true story.")

[Bella~Vita]

Where's Clay? I have another sick joke for you ..

THE DEAD COW LECTURE

First-year students at the Auburn Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body."

For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.

[clay]

OMG! You are sick I tell ya, sick..BUT I LOVE it...thanks..guess being a nurse, I am NOT swayed by anything like this..I see my lil buddy a2l liked it, too...GMTA eh girl..lmao

Originally Posted by Kat_Fl

Where's Clay? I have another sick joke for you ..

THE DEAD COW LECTURE

First-year students at the Auburn Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body."

For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.