Jokes and things that made you laugh.

Glenn · 12-01-2010, 07:27 PM

I went to Italy for the holidays with another butch who said she knew a lot of people there. As we were walking around the Vatican, one of the guards shouted, "Jo, it is you isn't it?" Jo said the friend offered to show us around the private apartments, and to arrange a special audience with the Pope. I laughed and said "Jo, now you've gone too far. Your full of s*** . Im going back to the hotel." So I walked out and there was huge crowd waiting for the Pope to come onto the balcony. Then, I heard them all suddenly fall silent and slowly start muttering in Italian. So I asked a woman standing next to me, "What are they saying?" Then she pointed to the balcony and said, "Look up there! Who is that person standing on the balcony with Jo? Do you know?"

Janstevie · 01-13-2011, 12:13 PM

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the Ford F-150 when I turned into the driveway.

Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent but the Ford F-150 fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your Ferrari. I missed our bikes.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me.
You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.
I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife. xxx

Oh, PS: YOUR GIRLFRIEND PHONED.

afixer · 01-13-2011, 06:30 PM

me standing outside this morning after work warming up several co-workers cars in our sub freezing weather talking to a gaggle of women when one of my co-workers sends me a text that says...

flirt!

Janstevie · 01-15-2011, 12:41 PM

"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the
responsibility to marry the perfect woman so
they could produce beautiful children beyond compare

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a farmer who had three stunning,
gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.
So he explained his mission to the farmer,
asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married,
so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."

The man dated the first daughter.
The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion.

"Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit,
not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one
of the other girls;so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.

"Well,"the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit,
not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed."

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl
to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,

"She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry."

So they were wed right away.Months later the baby was born.
When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was
the ugliest baby you can imagine. He
rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing
could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

"Well," explained the farmer,
"She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...
pregnant when you met her."

Starbuck · 01-15-2011, 01:57 PM

Little Johnny come down for breakfast one morning but hadn't done his chores yet. His mother asked him, "have you done your chores yet?" Johnny replied, "no". His mother promptly told Johnny "you know you can't have breakfast until your chores are done." This upset Johnny. So off he went to do his chores. When he fed the chickens, Johnny kicked a chicken. When he slopped the pigs, he kicked a pig. When he milked the cow, he kicked the cow. Now after chores, Johnny was very hungry and he was looking forward to some eggs, bacon, and some cereal. But when it came time for breakfast, all he got was some dry cereal! "Mom, why is do I only get dry cereal?" Johnny asked. Johnny's mom replied, "I saw you kick the chicken, so no eggs for a week; I saw you kick the pig, so no bacon for a week; and I saw you kick the cow, so no milk for a week." About that time Johnny's dad came down stairs for breakfast, mumbling, and kicked the cat. Johnny looked at his mom and smiled and said, "you want me to tell him or do you want to?"

Janstevie · 01-17-2011, 03:55 PM

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a
problem.
I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.'

'What do they say?' the priest inquired.

They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment.
'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem.
I have two male talking parrots, Which I have taught to pray and
read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house,
and
we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship,
and your parrots are sure to stop saying . . .
that phrase . ... In no time.'

Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.

As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots
were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.

Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:
Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

There was stunned silence.

Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot
and exclaimed, 'Put the beads away Frank. Our prayers have been
answered!'

Janstevie · 01-17-2011, 04:00 PM

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT.....I'M GETTING A FAX!!

12-01-2010, 07:27 PM	#1
Glenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Ol butch bones. Preferred Pronoun?: Old thing Relationship Status: Too old to play. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: :rolleyes: Posts: 1,547 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,602 Thanked 3,729 Times in 1,095 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I went to Italy for the holidays with another butch who said she knew a lot of people there. As we were walking around the Vatican, one of the guards shouted, "Jo, it is you isn't it?" Jo said the friend offered to show us around the private apartments, and to arrange a special audience with the Pope. I laughed and said "Jo, now you've gone too far. Your full of s*** . Im going back to the hotel." So I walked out and there was huge crowd waiting for the Pope to come onto the balcony. Then, I heard them all suddenly fall silent and slowly start muttering in Italian. So I asked a woman standing next to me, "What are they saying?" Then she pointed to the balcony and said, "Look up there! Who is that person standing on the balcony with Jo? Do you know?" __________________ 1 Kings 19:12

01-13-2011, 06:30 PM	#3
afixer Member How Do You Identify?: human Preferred Pronoun?: ma'am Relationship Status: adrift in my head Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: in and out of the woods Posts: 989 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 491 Thanked 1,507 Times in 659 Posts Rep Power: 8660555	i was so laughing on the inside me standing outside this morning after work warming up several co-workers cars in our sub freezing weather talking to a gaggle of women when one of my co-workers sends me a text that says... flirt!

01-15-2011, 01:57 PM	#5
Starbuck Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Oklahoma City Posts: 2,436 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,378 Thanked 2,148 Times in 756 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Little Johnny Little Johnny come down for breakfast one morning but hadn't done his chores yet. His mother asked him, "have you done your chores yet?" Johnny replied, "no". His mother promptly told Johnny "you know you can't have breakfast until your chores are done." This upset Johnny. So off he went to do his chores. When he fed the chickens, Johnny kicked a chicken. When he slopped the pigs, he kicked a pig. When he milked the cow, he kicked the cow. Now after chores, Johnny was very hungry and he was looking forward to some eggs, bacon, and some cereal. But when it came time for breakfast, all he got was some dry cereal! "Mom, why is do I only get dry cereal?" Johnny asked. Johnny's mom replied, "I saw you kick the chicken, so no eggs for a week; I saw you kick the pig, so no bacon for a week; and I saw you kick the cow, so no milk for a week." About that time Johnny's dad came down stairs for breakfast, mumbling, and kicked the cat. Johnny looked at his mom and smiled and said, "you want me to tell him or do you want to?" __________________ To forgive is to set the prisoner free, And then discover the prisoner was you.

01-13-2011, 12:13 PM	#2
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	To my darling husband, Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the Ford F-150 when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the Ford F-150 fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your Ferrari. I missed our bikes. I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again. Your loving wife. xxx Oh, PS: YOUR GIRLFRIEND PHONED.

01-15-2011, 12:41 PM	#4
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. Shortly there after he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them. The farmer simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want." The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion. "Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed." The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls;so the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. "Well,"the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed." The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did. The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry." So they were wed right away.Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest baby you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents. "Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell... pregnant when you met her."

01-17-2011, 03:55 PM	#6
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.' 'What do they say?' the priest inquired. They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?' That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment. 'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, Which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying . . . that phrase . ... In no time.' Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.' The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?' There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, 'Put the beads away Frank. Our prayers have been answered!'

01-17-2011, 04:00 PM	#7
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM. A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.' THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT.....I'M GETTING A FAX!!