Communication 101: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

[JustJo]

Originally Posted by Just_G

Nat, you hit the nail right on the head! I think that me being honest with her...in a very explanatory way (that's the passive communicator in me..always trying to explain everything..see?) was taken as me being snarky. I hate that it was taken that way, but like Blade said, it is hard to communicate via written word as opposed to spoken word.

One thing that has really helped me to not get defensive in situations like this is that I will read whatever it is in several different ways/tones. Once I do that, I don't have that knee-jerk reaction...instead, I am coming from an understanding place. Not all people do that.

She is the one that told me she doesn't like the way I communicate or respond in conversations...I could have taken that the wrong way and pulled in to my turtle shell; but I didn't. Instead, I have ordered a couple of books on how to communicate better. Even though what she said kind of hurt my feelings, I took it to heart and really thought about it. I am trying to better myself in this area. I am trying to grow from what she told me.

Her reaction to what I said was the complete opposite and she is now in HER turtle shell....still not speaking to me. I guess I should take this for what it is and just keep myself moving forward. If she wants to talk; I now know that I need to handle it with extreme caution. Lesson learned.

Hi Just G

Given that I don't know your friend or the history or the context or anything else about this conversation, please take this with a gigantic grain of salt.

However, what I see purely from what you've written is that you want to communicate....you're trying to get better at it...you're taking feedback, finding resources.

Her reaction sounds like she doesn't actually want to communicate...even though what she's doing is talking (or writing).

People use words for a whole lot of reasons....communication is one....control is another.

In my family of origin there was a whole lot of talking, and very little actual communication. Words were used to control, to wound, to keep people in their designated roles, etc. I'm really cautious around people who talk but rarely listen, or who can never be wrong. If someone can't say "wow...I didn't realize I was coming across that way"....then I tend to think they're talking for reasons other than communication.