Were you adopted in a closed adoption?

NotAnAverageGuy · 12-28-2009, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Thank you. I just could not do it.

Went back to old patterns of avoidance. Pills and sleep.

I am so thankful I have you guys who understand!

Your welcome and you know it is very easy to go back to old patterns right out of the blue, it is like a comfort zone, but you feel like total shit when you skip out on things, etc. Yet we manage to carry on each and every day.

Apocalipstic · 12-28-2009, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NotAnAverageGuy

Your welcome and you know it is very easy to go back to old patterns right out of the blue, it is like a comfort zone, but you feel like total shit when you skip out on things, etc. Yet we manage to carry on each and every day.

I know, its been a long time since I have checked out like that.
Thank you for understanding

and yes, I feel like total shit, but a bit better thanks to you. so maybe partial shit.

NotAnAverageGuy · 12-28-2009, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I know, its been a long time since I have checked out like that.
Thank you for understanding

and yes, I feel like total shit, but a bit better thanks to you. so maybe partial shit.

Checking out aint so bad every now and than but I see alot of holiday stress related causes make people check out, along with missing family members, etc.

LOL@ partial shit

I had to check out the rest of Christmas day, with either gallstone pain or ulcer pain and yes I got 1 stinking text from one of my half sisters this year when they all have my number, I kinda resigned myself to leave them alone until it comes time I need to meet my real mom and take it from there.

Chocolate?

Apocalipstic · 12-28-2009, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NotAnAverageGuy

Checking out aint so bad every now and than but I see alot of holiday stress related causes make people check out, along with missing family members, etc.

LOL@ partial shit

I had to check out the rest of Christmas day, with either gallstone pain or ulcer pain and yes I got 1 stinking text from one of my half sisters this year when they all have my number, I kinda resigned myself to leave them alone until it comes time I need to meet my real mom and take it from there.

Chocolate?

Ha, I failed to mention I ate 3 giant candy bars on Christmas eve before the valium.

Chocolate always helps.

the texting thing kills me.

NotAnAverageGuy · 12-28-2009, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Ha, I failed to mention I ate 3 giant candy bars on Christmas eve before the valium.

Chocolate always helps.

the texting thing kills me.

HAHAHA I ate alot of chocolate too and yeah the whole texting deal bugs me as well

but coming back home to

and my dog made it all worth while

Apocalipstic · 12-29-2009, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NotAnAverageGuy

HAHAHA I ate alot of chocolate too and yeah the whole texting deal bugs me as well

but coming back home to

and my dog made it all worth while

Animals are the best, I have 2 cats and 2 dogs and they all pile up with me.
Does the sugar glider have a little pouch? One of my coworkers used to bring hers to work, it would peek out at us at meetings.

Bit · 12-29-2009, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Anyway, so I woke up Christmas eve a WRECK. I cried till 11am, when Cynthia suggested Valium and a nap. She woke me up at 6, after I had missed the entire thing asking if I was going to spend Christmas Eve with her.

I have yet to call my aunt to apologize and feel horrible for being such a baby and Cynthia having to deal with me.

On a good note Christmas day at Cynthia's family's house was wonderful and a great time was had by all.

Hopefully my therapist can help with how to handle the skipping of Christmas Eve. I suck. suck suck

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jen}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm sorry it was so difficult.

I'm wondering what exactly is it that you suck so badly at, though. Accepting bad behavior from dysfunctional people? Putting yourself into an emotionally abusive situation? Forcing yourself to do something that's totally unhealthy? May we ALL learn to suck at those!!

...forgive me if I can't figure out why you're beating the hell out of yourself over choosing to avoid a desperately unhealthy situation....

Cynthia deserves flowers for seeing that you were in dire straits, for suggesting the right answer, and for knowing the right time to wake you up. And if flowers aren't her thing, well, she deserves whatever is comparable, cuz yanno in all seriousness, you owe her one for saving you from yourself, honey.

Quote:

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Went back to old patterns of avoidance. Pills and sleep.

Medical intervention is hardly a bad thing in the face of uncontrollable emotional breakdown. {{{{{{{{{{{{Jen}}}}}}}}}}}

Come on, hon, you're analytical... think about this. If it were me, and I was breaking down over going to a family "celebration" where people would treat me the way you've been treated (including the uncle about my dead mother), wouldn't you just look at me and say, "for pete's sake Cath, don't go there! Why DO that to yourself! Why force yourself to do something so unhealthy?"

If it were Cynthia in that situation, wouldn't you do your VERY best to keep her from going? I sure as the stars wouldn't let Gryph go!

See, I think the thing here is not that this is an adopted family, but that it's a dysfunctional family, still reeling from past abuse and still emotionally abusive today. That's not healthy whether you're adopted or not.

You don't have any obligation to them, you know, any more than I have any obligation to my own family. Adopted family or birth family, when they're this abusive, all bets are off.

From my psychology 101 class:

When you cannot change a situation, and you cannot change yourself to be able to accept the situation, the healthy response, the path of sanity, is to walk away.

What this means in a practical sense is that you might need to avoid spending holidays with them, or it might mean that you need to limit contact to very brief meetings, or it might mean that you need to avoid contact altogether, cut ties and walk away. Only you can decide what is best for your own mental health---but honey, if your therapist knew how horrid this really is/was for you, I'm betting she'd be telling you to walk away, at least temporarily.

You do not have any obligation to force yourself to do anything, Jen. You're an adult without minor children, therefore your overriding obligation is to do what is healthy for you and your next obligation is to do what is healthy for your partner; after that, you are obligated to do what is best for your furbabies.

The rest of the people in your life? They're not obligations, sugar. They're there because you choose them--nothing more. You are free to un-choose them if they're bad for you, and you're certainly free to turn down invitations to events that are bad for you.

Please, hon, stop beating yourself up for being healthy, k?

NotAnAverageGuy · 12-29-2009, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Animals are the best, I have 2 cats and 2 dogs and they all pile up with me.
Does the sugar glider have a little pouch? One of my coworkers used to bring hers to work, it would peek out at us at meetings.

yes mine have bonding pouches and a sleepin pouch, mine peek out at people all the time when I take them with me.

Animals are cheap therapy too