Friends of Bill W.

[LeftWriteFemme]

January 21


Guest Flag


The polite thing to do is fly the silly blue rectangle with its equally silly white diagonal stripe. That would be the polite thing, for sure but that would peek my disease’s hold card. If anyone knew that my illness was sailing my ship instead of me the effect would be ruined. Or so says the canker that grips me and steers me to disaster. Announcing this day-tripper as an unentitled accessory to whatever wrong I am about to commit might warn my friends or enlist my sponsor, but no I leave my colors fly and endanger the surrounding water. For in truth my flag is just as fraudulent as this vessel and is only on loan to me as well.

Panoramic inventory shows the landscape in a better light.




*

THE MUSIC

I hear a tinkling noise and look around the room.
No, it's coming from my head.
It's the sound of the music of my life.

The bells, a horn or two
The strings,
Always the strings.

The sharp clear cry of the vixen
Calling from the hedgerow
The lonely voice of resolve.

The melody shifts
Tomorrow's tune warming up
In the wee hours of the night.


I don't try to part my lips
Replication is not a possibility
I am only just learning to move with the rhythm.

Keep the beat in my heart
And draw it down
For my toe to tap.

I cannot sing my song
I must let it live in me awhile longer.
I can't share things of which I haven't had my fill.

Giving too much
Too often
Makes the anthem run thin.

I have to be fully me, to be full voiced.
I need to stew in the juice
Of overflowing harmony.

The pounding of my feet on the steps unite the accord
Wild things and practiced plans
Put forward the waves of life on earth.

I follow
Placing my feet in well worn trends
The dance school reopened for sober living.

Passion plays and calls my response
For today, I pass
I leave the song inside

[cinderella]

As ever, your words are so inspiring and so beautiful the meaning, they well up my eyes each time I read them. You have a gift that reaches down to the core of my soul - thank you for being you, and for your words...

Your devoted fan - as ever,
Carmin

[LeftWriteFemme]

Originally Posted by cinderella

As ever, your words are so inspiring and so beautiful the meaning, they well up my eyes each time I read them. You have a gift that reaches down to the core of my soul - thank you for being you, and for your words...

Your devoted fan - as ever,
Carmin

I thank you so much for reading my posts; it means a great deal to me! This is a soul to soul activity, this recovery. I'm delighted to be doing it with such good company,

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

January 22


Lathhouse



I want to face the sun. I want to stand and the wind to blow. I want the rain uninterrupted on my head. I want to remain upright and unburnt, to prevail amidst it all. Tender stalks and verdant leaves frustrate my anti-social streak. I want to bear the worst without cover or assistance but here I am in the slanted shade of this dynasty. As I grow so does the awareness that even when I am strong enough to leave this sheltered abode I will be relocated to a row where I am never alone.

Dream of a way to paddle a round boat.


*

THE PRIVILEGE OF SUN RISE

I awake happily at 5:30.
I will again see the show beyond compare
In stark contrast to the mornings
I filled with moping or sober angst,
Shades of the same dark color.
I shuck my covers
Bathing and dressing with purpose
And propel myself forward.
I hate to miss the first act.
Down---------------------------
The tint of clouds dusky and sweet
I'm on my route
I start my open eyed prayer.
For all those living at the hands of an addict
Be with them---Please
For the addicts
Help us all to fail----Fast
I scan the horizon
Checking all the views
I reflect on the striking change,
Earth bound green and gold
Sky held pink, orange and blue.
The silhouettes of trees exquisitely lit from behind.
The sweet moon sharing the sunrise with me
Add to the pleasure of my drive.
I start my gratitude list.
Beginning with my sobriety
Each moment.
The people, The life,
The thinking, The feeling
And my ability
To share it all
With You

[RockOn]

partial quote of Sherrie's last post:

"I start my gratitude list.
Beginning with my sobriety"

As a person in recovery, the good things, for me, begin with my gratitude list.

I have been doing some reflecting on and off this month. Thinking about the friends I lost to addiction in 2010. For reasons unknown to me, I was spared back when I was still trying to control it. I am certain, Erin, did not realize she was using up her last ticket to ride that Saturday night in mid December 2010. I remember when she came in - year 2000. She was so hopeful, so energetic - jumped in with both feet. Her Mom would attend the Al-Anon meetings which met at the same time. She was 51 years old when she died in December 2010. Broke her Mom's heart. Erin had been in recovery for many years and always attended meetings even after she went back to using - thinking she could have it both ways. It did not work out for her as she expected in mid December. Erin gets no more chances. Some show us what doesn't work.

I believe "it" will always win in the end. It is patient, will wait and NEVER gives up. Its only goal is to administer pain and destroy.

I am not in morbid reflection. It is sometimes important for me to get quiet, be still ... to reflect on reality ... renews my ability to refuse to let my teasing mind seduce me.


Sending to those who are still struggling, still chasing the high, trying to control it ... and hoping they will chose to turn it around before it is too late.


Brock

[LeftWriteFemme]

January 23

Frankie



“Why do I expect new leaves to grow on dead sticks?” I pleaded to my sponsor.
“Is that a ‘why do fools fall in love’, question?” she retorted.
“Oh, I suppose it is. I was doing so well having a ‘listen only’ relationship with someone then she asked why I don’t tell her my opinion and I like a ‘fool’ I told her. The ensuing pile of rationalizing and justifying she gave stank up my whole day.”
“I bet your steady stream of self reproach didn’t help either,” my sponsor added.
“But, I know better!” I cried. “I mean this is why I stopped my speaking role with this girl. I know she is a reactor NOT a listener. How could I fall apart at her first recognition that I am wordless in the face of her diatribes?”
“You were hopeful. Is that such a crime? You think better of people than they really are. I think that helps you stay willing to help them,” she soothed.
“Yes, but this snapped my willingness to work with her in half. How do I put it back together?”
“Maybe you needed to learn that it’s okay to leave the dead sticks behind.”


Why do turnips look like tops and turnip tops look like greens?


*

COMPOST

Looking at the bins
The stages of decomposition
Remind me of my disease
The stinking garbage I came in with.

I have learned to work my program
The same way I learned to tend my pile
Personal experience, advice, watching
And smelling, the mistakes of myself and others.

I learned covering thoroughly with meetings
And steps works like leaves and hay
To eliminate the immediate stench.
Circulation is important to prevent me from becoming stale.

In the end, the secret is turning it over.
If I don't turn it over I become putrid.
I rot and ferment instead of decomposing,
Breaking down in a way which restores me to usefulness.

When I work the process
My higher Power turns me into a medium of growth.
A renewed source of life and depth.
I become rich in all things that matter.

I am sought after by all the people involved
In planting seeds of hope.
My sponsor says, “It’s a sign of humility
That I aspire to be like dirt."

Encouraging sprouts
From the remnants
Of my past.
She might be right

[LeftWriteFemme]

Brock, it is amazing how we got to live this live and how it slips through other people's fingers. I feel like a lottery winner most days and I pray to keep hold of my ticket! Good luck to all! I hope you are having a great weekend Brock, take care, Sherrie

Originally Posted by Brock

partial quote of Sherrie's last post:

"I start my gratitude list.
Beginning with my sobriety"

As a person in recovery, the good things, for me, begin with my gratitude list.

I have been doing some reflecting on and off this month. Thinking about the friends I lost to addiction in 2010. For reasons unknown to me, I was spared back when I was still trying to control it. I am certain, Erin, did not realize she was using up her last ticket to ride that Saturday night in mid December 2010. I remember when she came in - year 2000. She was so hopeful, so energetic - jumped in with both feet. Her Mom would attend the Al-Anon meetings which met at the same time. She was 51 years old when she died in December 2010. Broke her Mom's heart. Erin had been in recovery for many years and always attended meetings even after she went back to using - thinking she could have it both ways. It did not work out for her as she expected in mid December. Erin gets no more chances. Some show us what doesn't work.

I believe "it" will always win in the end. It is patient, will wait and NEVER gives up. Its only goal is to administer pain and destroy.

I am not in morbid reflection. It is sometimes important for me to get quiet, be still ... to reflect on reality ... renews my ability to refuse to let my teasing mind seduce me.


Sending to those who are still struggling, still chasing the high, trying to control it ... and hoping they will chose to turn it around before it is too late.


Brock

[RockOn]

Yes. Sherrie it is amazing to me too how we get to live this life. What a gift!!!

Spent a few hours with my sponsor today. We walked her dogs, then closed off her dining room so we could talk privately. With almost 30 years of sobriety, Cheryl has accumulated a lot of wisdom. She tells me she used to run dope (heroin) in her arms every day, plus drank alcoholically. I look at her, see how she is in her day to day business and cannot imagine she ever did that.

Funny thing, Cheryl's husband always wants to join in the visit when her sponsees come over to do work and she gets really upset with him. Heh Heh! I love her hubbie! He was in a recliner when I was leaving. I went over - kissed his forehead on my way out. Left her home and went to the 6:00 women's meeting tonight. Great meeting! Someone brought chocolate mint cookies ... that made it even better. *grin*

So far, I have been able to stay away from the Girl Scout chocolate mint cookies. I have to get two boxes to make it worth my while. Anything less is just enough to make me mad. And I saw those Cadbury milk chocolate eggs with the yellow and white creme inside at a drugstore the other day. I literally ran out the door. Put me in a room with 8 or 10 of those and a quart of milk ... not a pretty sight! LOL!

Hope you have a swell week!

[cinderella]

I'm not that far from Jersey if you need a hand to hold or an ear to listen - soon as the snows clear. I'm sure you've gotton your share too. *moan*

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

I thank you so much for reading my posts; it means a great deal to me! This is a soul to soul activity, this recovery. I'm delighted to be doing it with such good company,

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

Originally Posted by cinderella

I'm not that far from Jersey if you need a hand to hold or an ear to listen - soon as the snows clear. I'm sure you've gotton your share too. *moan*

That would be great! Yes, we got covered in snow over and over and I hear there is more coming this week..........plus it is freezing cold here today through tomorrow! Stay safe!

[cinderella]

I do hope we meet someday, truly. I am such an unabashed fan...you will forgive me if I bring in tow...my autograph book.
I now know how it feels to be a 'groupie'!

Carmin

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

That would be great! Yes, we got covered in snow over and over and I hear there is more coming this week..........plus it is freezing cold here today through tomorrow! Stay safe!

[LeftWriteFemme]

January 26


A Living Love




What I love about the program is that it is a living thing, like me.
It is not perfect, it is growing and changing, adapting and correcting for each experience and need. AA is a life into life process and saves me because life begets life, no matter what I was told. The answer to life is living and I get to see that being done by everyone from newcomer to old-timer each at his or her personal ability. I am allowed to dangle my feet, wade, tread-water and swim, all under the watchful eye of loving support and critical pretender. Difficulty is not removed nor is the way made smooth, but I am no longer without a thread to hold. I love the web I help weave myself into and feel protected from the spider of my addiction because together we are living proof.


Bear Grace


*

DEEP IN THE SEA

Under the mirror
There is life
Under what I reflect to the world
I am a world apart.


I smile sweetly, political in my response
To confrontation and conflict
Deep, deep in the sea, is a current of sadness
I can't always shake.

Pain is the past
But it's there like a moray
Lurking to strike aimlessly, pointlessly
At the passersby.

The ripping teeth
And the cold stare
My terror
No way to escape it.

I focus on the topside
The reflective part of me.
I keep as clean
And free as can be.

I stick to my business
List my goals and make plans
The water runs cold
Then hot beneath.

I carry the steps to this underwater grave
Trying to inflate the rubber skin of god
But No
There is no life in the god of my understanding

Or maybe there is no life.
For the character the drowned balloon represents
The sea is bigger than me.
The life stronger and more abundant.

The sky it reflects as vast as liquid
I swim
There is a Power
And it doesn't need that comic book face.

Safety is not the requirement
That can be granted.
Lack of safety does not end my life
It does not end God

[LeftWriteFemme]

Originally Posted by cinderella

I do hope we meet someday, truly. I am such an unabashed fan...you will forgive me if I bring in tow...my autograph book.
I now know how it feels to be a 'groupie'!

Carmin

You are so sweet! I would love to have a chance to meet up! I'm thinking Spring! We are snowed in today........Are you?