Learning To Live Half-Alive?

[bigbutchmistie]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Sometimes we confuse co-depandancy with love, or lust with love. Love isn't supposed to hurt Prox, this person is obviously not right. Distance yourself from her it's the best thing.

Amen Snowy is right again...

[WhiteTigress]

Prox,

Follow the advise that Snowy and the others have given you, and until you can get in with a counselor, spend time with other friends around you. Don't close yourself in, and don't stay alone all the time.

I speak from experience. My friends made sure that I went with them to do things, and it helped me heal. If you have other single friends who aren't out cruising, those are the best to hang out with. Perhaps hanging out with just couples will compound how you are feeling.

If all else fails, turn to us here at the Planet for support. We'll be here for you.

WT

[rlin]

the Snow post is spot on...
of course we know its not easy... part of the healing process is the work that is put in to fix the fucked uppedness of it all...
your logical brain will kick in when the anger does... thats lots easier to deal with...
of course... i dont know for sure that i would listen to shit that I had to say about matters of the heart... just sayin...

[Oiler41]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

It hurts right now and for that I am sorry, I've seen you post that this person has drinking issues, and well she seems not very nice. Mourn her, then get yourself some therapy, spend time with friends, have a nice dinner out it's obvious this girl is no good for you.

Good Luck

Absolutely agree.

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Sometimes we confuse co-depandancy with love, or lust with love. Love isn't supposed to hurt Prox, this person is obviously not right. Distance yourself from her it's the best thing.

Again, absolutely agree.

Originally Posted by suebee

I agree with Snowy. But I know that it's hard when YOU didn't want the relationship to end, and you are probably still feeling that you love her. I'm sure your heart is speaking to you in a loud voice right about now, telling you that it's broken. You're hurting, and probably you feel that you'll stop hurting if only she would come back. Just make sure you give your head, and what it has to tell you equal time. I'm sure if you put everything together it will come up with different advice than your heart does. It's hard, it hurts, but you WILL get through it. You need support. You have it here. I hope you have friends who are there for you, but it really DOES help to talk to a professional. They are there for you, and you only. You don't have to worry about taking up their time or about them judging you. That's what they're there for.

I wish you the strength you'll need to do what you have to to get on with your life.

Hugs,

Sue

And agree yet again.

Right now, it does feel like your life is falling apart; however, given some time and likely some professional assistance, you WILL look back on this in a completely different light. Cry, scream, sleep and whatever else you must do to get through the initial shock of it is,,but most importantly, cut off communication with her for a while; likely several months. It is probably the hardest step but if this person cares for you at all, she will leave you be to get started healing and get on with your life. I wish you the best with this difficult journey.

Regards,

Glynn

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

I know for certain that it's not lust or co-dependency, but I appreciate your advice, all of you.

I know what I need to do. I guess my problem is trying to figure out how this happened, because... you don't throw away five years like that for someone you barely know. You just don't.

Thanks for the support...

[The_Lady_Snow]

Rational people don't, an alcoholic will, perhaps you've heard of Al-Anon? I think you may be able to move forward if you go to one of their meetings, since your logic seems to be blinded by something else.

Your ex is an alcoholic, you won't move on, you are now in charge of that pain leaving your space. She's not coming back, if she does it's gonna be ugly like before, and do you really wanna spend your youth on someone who doesn't care enough about themselves let alone you?

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Oiler41

Absolutely agree.



Again, absolutely agree.



And agree yet again.

Right now, it does feel like your life is falling apart; however, given some time and likely some professional assistance, you WILL look back on this in a completely different light. Cry, scream, sleep and whatever else you must do to get through the initial shock of it is,,but most importantly, cut off communication with her for a while; likely several months. It is probably the hardest step but if this person cares for you at all, she will leave you be to get started healing and get on with your life. I wish you the best with this difficult journey.

Regards,

Glynn

Excellent advice. Take space and no contact. And if she cares for you when you ask her to not contact you, she will respect that request. If she doesn't, than she is more concerned with her own desires and not respecting what you say you need.

[girl_dee]

Take it as the Universe pushing your hand... alcoholics only have one real love. The booze will win everytime. Sorry it has to hurt so bad when this happens.

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

I've been to a meeting. I've been thinking about going to more, but I want to check out some meetings for myself, first, to help cope with my anxiety.

It's not that I'm hysterical or anything - I really hope y'all don't think I'm just having the fit of a lifetime... I'm just feeling really... broken. I guess it's a devastation to lose not only my love, but my best friend.

Thank you.

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

Update: Just got a voicemail from her... saying "we're not leaving until June now... blah blah..."

I'm pretty sure she's drunk, she mentioned something about Jose Cuervo... my goodness... but I still have to cut off contact once again. I won't let her do this, and I told her earlier that I needed time away from her to move on. She wants to go back to being friends, but it's not that easy. I need to move on from her as my lover first, and then maybe someday, we can reclaim our friendship. Someday.

Damn women...

And, I just realised I spelled "learning" without the N... now I feel stupid, haha. Guess I was pretty distraught =/

[WhiteTigress]

Originally Posted by proximitywithoutintimacy

Update: Just got a voicemail from her... saying "we're not leaving until June now... blah blah..."

If you have the capability on your cell phone, block her number. She will only keep tearing the scabs off the wounds if you let her keep calling. Stop her now, for YOUR sake.

WT

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

I can block her number, but that doesn't prevent her from leaving voicemails. Lame, eh?

ETA: Wait, no, I can't block her number... I need a new phone.

[Soft*Silver]

"it can't work until we fix our lives."

this statement indicates that you had work to do on yourself. Now is a good time to focus on whatever issues you need to fix. Remove yourself from her issues and get to work on yours....its really easy to distract yourself from fixing yourself when you are always busy trying to fix someone else...

[MysticOceansFL]

Also find a MCC church in your area they should also have prayer groups and single groups there who might have gone through with what your dealing with now But I also agree don't cut yourself away from friends and family stay close to them and seek a MCC church.

[Random]

Originally Posted by proximitywithoutintimacy

Update: Just got a voicemail from her... saying "we're not leaving until June now... blah blah..."

I'm pretty sure she's drunk, she mentioned something about Jose Cuervo... my goodness... but I still have to cut off contact once again. I won't let her do this, and I told her earlier that I needed time away from her to move on. She wants to go back to being friends, but it's not that easy. I need to move on from her as my lover first, and then maybe someday, we can reclaim our friendship. Someday.

Damn women...

And, I just realised I spelled "learning" without the N... now I feel stupid, haha. Guess I was pretty distraught =/

No contact... period

Tell her that you need time.. (at least six months at the very least) and if she won't respect that time then block her.. block everything and delete her phone number from you phone...

If need be .. burn that bridge and tell her that you will get a restraining order...

You need to be oh so selfish right now... What she wants, needs, desires is not your concern... (I know that is hard) She chose her path and you no longer have any responciblilties twards her...

I've been where you were... One min I'm thinking I'm getting a new ring for christmas and the next min her new girl friend is moving in...

I was broken... That girl was broken beyond repair...

But you know what? The woman who came out that hell is a stronger, wiser, happier and healthier person that that girl ever was...

Take your time putting yourself back together... Take a brutal look at your self... see what your part you played...

The only one who can put yourself back together is you...