Age... an issue?

[Corkey]

I have issues with age every day.....

Seriously, I never dated out of my generation, too much stuff that is lost in translation. I know 60 year olds who are immature, it has nothing to do with maturity, tho sometimes it does.

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by Corkey

I have issues with age every day.....

Seriously, I never dated out of my generation, too much stuff that is lost in translation. I know 60 year olds who are immature, it has nothing to do with maturity, tho sometimes it does.

Yes, "lost in translation" is a really good way to put it. We do have age cohort dynamics that are significant.

I do have friends that are much younger and older- each is unique in many aspects of their age "group" and relating as friends is great. I enjoy hearing about generational distinctions no matter what the generation. I just don't want my partner of intimacy too far away from my age group.

Yes, lost in translation is a really good way to put this. Not really about maturity at all. As I said before, I know people all over the map as far as maturity level goes. But, developmental phases and "milestones" feel significant to me when I think about all of this.

Also, I'm retired and at tha time of my life that I don't have to be tied to a job/career. and I am no longer professionaly motivated. If I were with a woman that was still very much involved in her work, it wouldn't work for either one of us. Just like being with someone with young children wouldn't work. I don't have to be responsible for my kid any longer- he has his own life.

So much of this has to do with where we are in our lives. I have turned away from dating some really wonderful women because I felt that these kinds of things would make it impossible for me to commit to them. I can't ask someone to change their goals in their work for me. And I am a monogamous person that is pretty traditional in terms of relationships. I like building a home and history with someone. That is not how everyone relates (nor should it be).

Also, I have to say that as I have gotten older, I find that there are many more things I honestly just don't want to deal with that I would when I was younger.

I think where these kinds of discussions get off in negative directions is when we attach any kind of judgement to age difference. To me, its about lifestyle and life stages (and the wants and needs we have) that are the major factors about age disparate relationships. I have my own rule about not dating anyone my son's age or younger, but I am applying that to myself and in way I choose to live at this life's stage.

Why we focus on this issue so much in terms of the numbers instead of looking at what fits with where we are in our lives doesn't make sense to me sometimes.

I'm not sure if I am explaining this clearly.... just wish we could get away from judgement and talk about all the other issues involved with this topic.

Oh, and Corkey- I'm in no way think your post was judgemental- I really like your "translation" idea and I just got off on the rest of my post after letting you know this.... just 'cause that is where my mind went.

[Bard]

thank you At Last I think it is the Judgement that gets to me all I know is what I have experienced and my younger femme has brought out much the good in me with out her I would be lost

[Corkey]

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

Oh, and Corkey- I'm in no way think your post was judgemental- I really like your "translation" idea and I just got off on the rest of my post after letting you know this.... just 'cause that is where my mind went.

Yep, it isn't about judgement, personal experience and translation. If I have to explain every saying that came outta my mouth, I'd get more grey hairs than I have right now. Life is at this point in life is too friggen short to have to go through that every day.
As always your mileage may vary.

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

I sure hope I didn't offend anyone.

The issue I took, with contemplating dating this younger girl, is mainly because she's still in that "player" mindset, and whether she realises it or not - she comes off as someone who's only interested in one thing. I'm a lady, I have a lot of class (despite what others may assume) and I've just grown out of that. I'm not saying I want a relationship, but I certainly don't want to be "just another girl."

If that makes sense?

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by proximitywithoutintimacy

I sure hope I didn't offend anyone.

The issue I took, with contemplating dating this younger girl, is mainly because she's still in that "player" mindset, and whether she realises it or not - she comes off as someone who's only interested in one thing. I'm a lady, I have a lot of class (despite what others may assume) and I've just grown out of that. I'm not saying I want a relationship, but I certainly don't want to be "just another girl."

If that makes sense?

Makes a lot of sense- goes to the life stages and where we just are as people.

I can look back in my life at many things and see that at different times, different situations worked- or just didn't. We experience and learn- about ourselves.

This can be a very sensitive topic, especially for folks that are in relationships with large age differences.

My parents had 11 years between them- although, it was my Dad that was older- usually more accepted. When they met, my Mom was 17, my Dad wad 28. They married at 20 and 31 and were together 47 years until my Dad died. Funny, as my first significant love relationship was with a man 9 years older- I was 16 at the time. I was not sexual with him until I was 18 and had left home. We were together for 10 years- and well later I realized I was queer.

I was with a woman 10 years my junior for a brief time between the break-up of a LTR (21 years) and the last LTR I was in (6 years, ending in her death). I found that for me, the differences we had in our "eras" just didn't work well. But, that is me- other people don't have this experience even when they have 15, 20 or more years between them.

I do think there can be some negative motivations behind age disparate relationships- like trophy wives, etc. Or one's ego being wrapped up in seeing a much younger person. And my guess is that those people have always had problems with relationships that have nothing to do with age variables.

It is the whole judgement thing that I wish we wouldn't get involved with- I really try to just get to know people and not put my personal values on them- they are not me.

[Bard]

Originally Posted by proximitywithoutintimacy

I sure hope I didn't offend anyone.

The issue I took, with contemplating dating this younger girl, is mainly because she's still in that "player" mindset, and whether she realises it or not - she comes off as someone who's only interested in one thing. I'm a lady, I have a lot of class (despite what others may assume) and I've just grown out of that. I'm not saying I want a relationship, but I certainly don't want to be "just another girl."

If that makes sense?

It is not that I was offended I just get cranky when people judge or are in a way condescending of the age difference. to me love is hard to find harder to hold. I have been through a lot with Desd in a way she heals the parts in me that are broken she understands me and judges me not she gets me it is kind of like to lost ships that collided she is a old soul and me I am kind of peter pan.. My daughter loves Desd and yes my kiddo is young only 7. but yes the may - december romance is not for everyone but I have seen enough to know you dont spit in the face of love. so I will walk this path with Desd with my head held high in May of 2012 with both of our family and many friends by our sides we will be bound together and I will commit to her all that I am >>> the poor dear

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

I'm not the type of person who judges anyone; I suppose I'm just pretty clear on what I want, whether I'm dating someone or trying to develop a relationship. I've found that in my age bracket, dating someone younger isn't an option for me. At least, not someone who's significantly younger, because I do hold a place in my heart for a girl who's twenty-one <3 I think it just depends on the person, really, but I also believe that someone who's nineteen and doesn't really have a lot of experience with life... wouldn't mesh with me, so to speak

I am getting to know this person who's 29 and so far I just adore her Dating someone who is older than me, has always been a positive experience, and I just see it as what works for me - just as it may not work for someone else. We're all different, hey?

[PumaJ]

This is really such a personal issue, isn't it?

It is my belief that we are each Spiritual Beings inhabiting human bodies living lives over time, in the mundane. As Beings of Spirit we are ageless. However, all too obviously, that is not the case with the human bodies we inhabit and that is where I see the issues of maturity coming into the picture.

For myself, sometimes the daily stuff of life in the mundane overwhelms the knowingness of my self as a Being of Spirit. I hope always that I am never so overwhelmed that my knowingness is obscured so totally that I forget the truth of who I am or become unable to see the truth that others are also Beings of Spirit living human lives.

Those that I've been in intimate relationships with have tended to have a similar view. Not, always, though. But I think that with such a view it would be easier to love across differences in age.

Speculation only on my part at this point, because I don't have any real time experience in the area of big age differences, and I'm not looking for love or an intimate relationship at this time. I can say, however, that in the past, my view has afforded me the opportunity to love across the lines of race, religion, culture and economic background.