The Loft: Butches and Femmes in their 40s, 50s and over.

[blueeyes226_l]

Originally Posted by rustedrims

Hey blueeyes226..

sorry to hear about your aunt..we have all sat and stood at friends and familys bedsides..it is hard to watch when ya know you cant help them..

ok blue i have something to say about your mom..my little story and i will try not to make it to long but i got a point to make..

here it goes..i live in ohio and took my mom to indiana to visit family..guess it was getting to me alot cause i wanted to talk to mom about my lifestyle..i was thinking i could tell her in the car during the 4 hour drive..chickened out on the way there and was determined to tell her on the way back..well on the way back we were getting close to the ohio line and still didnt say anything..so told myself i am telling her when we cross the ohio line..ok crossed the line and a few miles i said mom i gotta tell ya something..she just looked at me and said ok..so i told her i was gay and she said I Know..WHAT.!!.Butch woman that looks every bit gay,,thought i was doing a good job of "hiding it"..what a relief..i asked her ,well then why didnt you tell me and she said i was waiting for you to come to me..we talked about things that i didnt realize was being said about me from people in church..fortunately nothing in a negative tone was said..all good things..people know me for my humor..i can make anyone laugh anytime and all the junk i am changing on my house NOT..!!!..Because i am gay..I am a nice person and i let that come through before being gay..

ok with that being said this is for your mom..
as i was talking to my mom about my lifestyle she said she was reading about gay people..guess she was trying to understand why i am like i am..in her readings she said the mother is the one who has "The Gean" [spelling] that determines if the kid is going to be gay or straight..i dont know where she read that from but she is a reader and found it somewhere..might mention it to your mom..maybe do a little reasearch to have something to back ya up..maybe someone in here knows a little about that stuff that can help..
a question i asked my mom....When you were born did you have some kind of form to fill out to choose the lifestyle you wanted to live..??..i told her that i didnt and if i did why would i pick being gay..???.!!!..being made fun of your whole life..maybe if you choose to ask her that question do it where other people can hear it so maybe she will leave you alone about it..dont do it in a mean way..just ask her like you ask could you please pass the mashed potatoes..look her in the eyes and wait for her answer..i asked my mom if she feels different towards me and she said No your my kid and i love you..this kind comes to mind to..a few years ago i had to put my dog to sleep because he got old and warn out..a few days later my mom asked me if i was going to get another dog..kinda threw me a little and i asked her if one of your kids dies are you going to get another kid..??.{there is 4 of us}..she kinda sat back made a mom face and said hummm..same thing..
Blue i am tellin ya when you get the "Gay Card" thrown at ya,ya gotta throw it right back..it takes the wind right out of their sail..i know some days are better than others and you will never stop it but you can slow it down a little..give yourself some time and get your thoughts together..dont pounce on your mom but let her know you are here and you are not going away..
sorry about the length..i get wound up when our lifestyle is questioned and attacked..maybe they are the wrong ones..said that to my mom to..hummm..
let me know how it goes if you question your mom about HER lifestyle..once again sorry about your aunt..my thoughts are with you..

Hey Damselfly..if you find a library some where and get into your reading stuff maybe you can do a little research for Blue..hope you are feeling better..

S..

My mothers health isn't good Thats one reson I moved in with her. My sister all she thinks of is going out of town with her drunk hubbie. I'm here at the house alot. My mother made her Will out and left my daughter some stuff and My sister had the nerve to ask me to go in with her so see My daughter didn't get any thing then she would give me something. I was apalled! I said 1. She is my daughter and 2. that is moms last wishes. No I will not. She blew up at my mom about it. Told her my daughter was a bi_ c_ and she will just sit on it and no one will get any thing. I told her she can't do that. Her replay was oh yes,I can I'm the boss over it. I told her there was 2 other names on it to and there would be 2 agance 1.To say the lest I was pis_ed what she did to mom. When ever Mom is around my sister she gets real snotty, snippy and trys to boss me. I hate that..... My sister is a pice of work to say the less... If my daughters name comes up my sister gets really mad...She has to have that god oh mighty doller. I can't really live Mom u know move away from here because,with her health we could find her gone. It's one heck of a mess here. Any ways Thanks for the hugs and flowers and advice. Hey if I may ask where in Ohio are you around? Where I live is about 2 1/2 hrs from Ohio state line.
Love u all...

[DamselFly]

{{{blueeyes}}} a big strong femme hug! you sound like you need it! you are really being put through the wringer w/family right now! is there any way you could move into your own place nearby? being put down day after day is definitely NOT good for your emotional, mental, spiritual, and physcial health. that will wear you down quickly! if you can't move, then i suggest you find a gay or gay friendly counselor. just having someone to talk to would help. is there a chapter of PFLAG near you? that would help you and perhaps even your mom with the gay bashing from your family. and remember, WE are always here for you! (if you want a femme to talk with, feel free to pm me.)
S (rustedrims), you are lucky with your mom and her reaction to your being butch/gay. a lot of mothers really have a difficult time with butch children, moreso than femmes. i suppose it's the masculine butch persona that scares them. i'm so glad that your mom accepts you and loves you just the way you are. that's a boon for any child, regardless of orientation! cheers for your mom!!!
i didn't have such luck with my birth mother. my dad was fine w/me being anything and anyone i wanted, as long as i was happy. when he died, heart attack at 55, the rest of the family threw me out. lock, stock, and barrel! i wasn't even invited to my dad's funeral! my mother and brother refused to talk to me, and my brother didn't even tell his family he HAD a sister. too bad-i would make one very cool aunt! they were in the hit zone of katrina, so now i have no family, even one who doesn't accept me! luckily, i've had several families who have adopted me, so i'm not alone anymore! that's how i came to be chinese, btw. i was adopted into a chinese kwoon (family), given a new name and everything! when i get enough money, i'm having my name changed to theirs!
well, enough from me right now! S, i haven't heard from you in awhile. fenshen (please) write me and let me know how you are doing!
and for all the lofters, qingduo guan zhao!
i'm glad to be here!
namaste,
DamselFly

[blueeyes226_l]

Originally Posted by DamselFly

{{{blueeyes}}} a big strong femme hug! you sound like you need it! you are really being put through the wringer w/family right now! is there any way you could move into your own place nearby? being put down day after day is definitely NOT good for your emotional, mental, spiritual, and physcial health. that will wear you down quickly! if you can't move, then i suggest you find a gay or gay friendly counselor. just having someone to talk to would help. is there a chapter of PFLAG near you? that would help you and perhaps even your mom with the gay bashing from your family. and remember, WE are always here for you! (if you want a femme to talk with, feel free to pm me.)
S (rustedrims), you are lucky with your mom and her reaction to your being butch/gay. a lot of mothers really have a difficult time with butch children, moreso than femmes. i suppose it's the masculine butch persona that scares them. i'm so glad that your mom accepts you and loves you just the way you are. that's a boon for any child, regardless of orientation! cheers for your mom!!!
i didn't have such luck with my birth mother. my dad was fine w/me being anything and anyone i wanted, as long as i was happy. when he died, heart attack at 55, the rest of the family threw me out. lock, stock, and barrel! i wasn't even invited to my dad's funeral! my mother and brother refused to talk to me, and my brother didn't even tell his family he HAD a sister. too bad-i would make one very cool aunt! they were in the hit zone of katrina, so now i have no family, even one who doesn't accept me! luckily, i've had several families who have adopted me, so i'm not alone anymore! that's how i came to be chinese, btw. i was adopted into a chinese kwoon (family), given a new name and everything! when i get enough money, i'm having my name changed to theirs!
well, enough from me right now! S, i haven't heard from you in awhile. fenshen (please) write me and let me know how you are doing!
and for all the lofters, qingduo guan zhao!
i'm glad to be here!
namaste,
DamselFly

There is a PFLAGE 100 miles from me. I have a Lesbian mentore but,about 4 weeks ago she told me its wrong being with same sex person. said,someday she will talk to me about it. Her Aunt got to her with Religon. I am a Rev. but I do not belive her way. I always say to each there oun. Its even hard on us Rev's. I'm very lib about things.Her and her spouce are split big time. It blew me right out of the water. I couldn't belive it. I always looked up to her. No there is no way I can aford a place to rent. I'm still paying bills my ex "life time" partner ran up in my name and will not pay them. Hey,I will adopt you. I don't have any one,even my daughter only respects me because,i'm older then her but its very little. Any ways here on the frount lines of the war,
blueeyes226_l

[rustedrims]

Hey blueeyes..FREAKING CEDAR POINT..!!!!!.. {excuse me ladies}

I will be back later to chat..Gotta get some running around done then get a load of horse and cow p--p and take it to my brothers for the garden..Yeah i get to drive my busted rusted truck..if gas gets anymore expensive i am going to take my truck out in the woods and shoot it in the radiator and let it finish rusting..

Hey D didnt go anywhere..guess the email didnt work..

[PumaJ]

Hang in there blueeyes. We are rootin' for ya'

[rustedrims]

Hey blueeyes..

feel kinda stupid..here i am blasting your mom and she is sick to..real sorry about that..i guess going out and getting drunk with the "hubby" is a more respecful life than being gay..i guess i dont have it so bad..the family i dont get along with i stay away from..that would be my evil sister and hateful angry father..neither one of them speak to me..i texed my evil sister and put some horrible things in there and i still dont feel bad about it..it was all the truth..the father is horrible to even to look at..i feel bad for you to Damselfly..

took some $$$ and a credit card to help pay for gas over to my mom so she can go to florida on thursday with her sister....the horrible father doesnt like to see my mom happy..my brother and nice sister gave her some spending money to..my aunts husband died in january and they have a house down there..guess they are going down to clean it up and probly sell..anybody need a place in Spring Hill..??..their other sister cant go because the guy she is dating waited to long to go to the doctor and now he has cancer..might only be around a few more months..gotta get things fixed when they dont work right..he didnt and now look where he is at..

hey blueeyes when i take my mom to indiana maybe we can meet at one of those exits..it will get ya out of the house for a little bit..i get off Chesterton Valpo exit..where are you at from there..??.might be a few months from now..let me know..

better get off here..waiting to get blasted with a storm and high winds..gotta get to bed..better sleep with my shoes on..

i hope everyone has a good day..

s..

[blueeyes226_l]

Originally Posted by rustedrims

Hey blueeyes..

feel kinda stupid..here i am blasting your mom and she is sick to..real sorry about that..i guess going out and getting drunk with the "hubby" is a more respecful life than being gay..i guess i dont have it so bad..the family i dont get along with i stay away from..that would be my evil sister and hateful angry father..neither one of them speak to me..i texed my evil sister and put some horrible things in there and i still dont feel bad about it..it was all the truth..the father is horrible to even to look at..i feel bad for you to Damselfly..

took some $$$ and a credit card to help pay for gas over to my mom so she can go to florida on thursday with her sister....the horrible father doesnt like to see my mom happy..my brother and nice sister gave her some spending money to..my aunts husband died in january and they have a house down there..guess they are going down to clean it up and probly sell..anybody need a place in Spring Hill..??..their other sister cant go because the guy she is dating waited to long to go to the doctor and now he has cancer..might only be around a few more months..gotta get things fixed when they dont work right..he didnt and now look where he is at..

hey blueeyes when i take my mom to indiana maybe we can meet at one of those exits..it will get ya out of the house for a little bit..i get off Chesterton Valpo exit..where are you at from there..??.might be a few months from now..let me know..

better get off here..waiting to get blasted with a storm and high winds..gotta get to bed..better sleep with my shoes on..

i hope everyone has a good day..

s..

Hey rustedrims,

Its ok don't keep hiting your self in the head about what you said. I could end up finding my Mom gone to. I moved in to be here to help her and because,I lost every thing when,my "life time partner left. I have been paying her bills she ran up in my name. Time I pay all bills I don't have much left after my money from SSI and food was cut back.

[morningstar55]

Originally Posted by blueeyes226_l

There is a PFLAGE 100 miles from me. I have a Lesbian mentore but,about 4 weeks ago she told me its wrong being with same sex person. said,someday she will talk to me about it. Her Aunt got to her with Religon. I am a Rev. but I do not belive her way. I always say to each there oun. Its even hard on us Rev's. I'm very lib about things.Her and her spouce are split big time. It blew me right out of the water. I couldn't belive it. I always looked up to her. No there is no way I can aford a place to rent. I'm still paying bills my ex "life time" partner ran up in my name and will not pay them. Hey,I will adopt you. I don't have any one,even my daughter only respects me because,i'm older then her but its very little. Any ways here on the frount lines of the war,
blueeyes226_l

hey ya Blue.... sorry to see your going thru such hoopla over there....... hope ya'll have a lawyer to back u up with your mom's will ......... just a thought.

[blueeyes226_l]

Originally Posted by morningstar55

hey ya Blue.... sorry to see your going thru such hoopla over there....... hope ya'll have a lawyer to back u up with your mom's will ......... just a thought.

My thing I don't know if I should talk to my daughters hubbie about my sister or not. I know my daughter has a lot on her with doing surgerys in the hospitals. Hey,with it being spring maybe I can make it up to your place or met 1/2 way when you have a day or 2 off work. I have a road finder but,don't know how to program places I want to go. LOL
Let me know.

[DamselFly]

zhaoshanghao (good morning), lofters! Blueeyes, i hope you are doing better!
can anyone recommend a good small city/big town for anyone, me specifically, who is on SSD and very low-income, now severely vision-impaired? i'd even not be amiss to living in one of those senior/disabled communities, as long i have access to public transportation, reasonable medical care, and some opportunities to volunteer. i am no longer very picky, just tired of being isolated and need to be around people! i'm going to take my time investigating where to move this time!
morning cha for everyone!
namaste,
DamselFly

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by DamselFly

zhaoshanghao (good morning), lofters! Blueeyes, i hope you are doing better!
can anyone recommend a good small city/big town for anyone, me specifically, who is on SSD and very low-income, now severely vision-impaired? i'd even not be amiss to living in one of those senior/disabled communities, as long i have access to public transportation, reasonable medical care, and some opportunities to volunteer. i am no longer very picky, just tired of being isolated and need to be around people! i'm going to take my time investigating where to move this time!
morning cha for everyone!
namaste,
DamselFly

I would check the mid-atlantic region- NC, VA, maybe even SC. Areas like Winston-salem has public transportation and affordable rentals. You just need to be careful because some of those areas means high crime. I personally love VA. The cost of living is low here. But if you want transportation you'll need to be in town. My son rents an apt for 350.00 a month which i think is super low and it's actually pretty nice. that does not include electric. Throughout NC there are some over 55 parks but I think you'll find them to be out of your price range. I would check to see if you qualify for any housing. I know VA, you might need to be a resident, has programs.

Good luck!

[blueeyes226_l]

Originally Posted by DamselFly

zhaoshanghao (good morning), lofters! Blueeyes, i hope you are doing better!
can anyone recommend a good small city/big town for anyone, me specifically, who is on SSD and very low-income, now severely vision-impaired? i'd even not be amiss to living in one of those senior/disabled communities, as long i have access to public transportation, reasonable medical care, and some opportunities to volunteer. i am no longer very picky, just tired of being isolated and need to be around people! i'm going to take my time investigating where to move this time!
morning cha for everyone!
namaste,
DamselFly

all my friends on here,
We layed my aunts body to rest yesterday. She had a peaceful passing over. Last night my Mom and I had a very bad time. She was going to toss my yeagest cat Molly out side or get read of her. I'm ashamed her and I got in to it. I lost my cool andtold her they go I go. She really p_ ss_ d me off magerly. I went in my bed room and slamed the bedroom door and locked it and went to bed with a high blood presser. Of corce she had to tel.l everyone I got mad at her and will not talk to her. This was befor I even got up. I wasn't talking to her I wasn't even up yet. Its just the same old crap. My mothers broth and his wife and one of his daughters and 1 grant daughter came up from Va. My cuz showed us some pics from Quwait ,(misspelled), where she had to go on a Gov.mission. She is in the very high in the pentagon. Thats all I can say about that. I talked to her about my daughters adatooed and gave me some pointers about her. She only lived about 1 hr from her. They go home tomorrow to Va. I guess thats it for now.
blueeyes226_l