How did/will you treat your children?

[sylvie]

Originally Posted by Blade

In what ways have you treated or will you treat your children differently from the way you were treated?

great topic Blade, i've been wanting to answer this for awhile, just haven't found the time to sit and respond like i wanted to..

my parenting experience is completely different from the way i was raised. my father is an alcoholic and was very absent from my childhood because of this.. even when i was with him, he wasn't 'there'.. my mother - was a very angry individual who did not like being a Mom, whatsoever.. i was always fending for myself, taking care of me the best way i could and grew up very lonely & feeling unprotected..

my parents broke up when i was 8 years old, which if things weren't bad enough before that they got increasingly worse by living with my mother.. She began going to bars, having boyfriends & i became a last priority in her life for a very long while. i have some major anger issues towards her for things that happened through my life and she failed to protect me for (which i have difficulty talking about coupled with the fact i'm very private..) - so i won't go on about those here..they're things i am working on, daily though..

i will say though, my aunt (godmother) would rescue me for weeks at a time during summer months each year to give me a sense of normal in my life, and i grew very fond of her and my 2 cousins who i continue to be close with today - my godmother unfortuneately passed away in 2000, but i credit her with my strong morals, my easygoing personality and anything good in my upbringing because she was indeed the most beautiful soul i know...she taught me about loving & being loved, what it felt like to matter , and i think my morals are so strong because of how wonderful her family unit felt, the strength in that and the caring & love they all showed one another.. the support was overwhelming..

my parents, to this day don't tell me they love me .. i have said i loved them a number of times through life (when i was younger), to which i got a blank stare.. i do love them.. i'm angry still about things, and some things i can't forgive, but i love them.. and i choose to let go of some things for my own well being (but not forget).. i struggle within myself, and seek ways to heal my inner being daily, and don't feel the need to lash that out on them or anyone.. i just want everyone well & happy.. i am content that i get some form of attention from them now (positive attention).. isn't always positive, but i try weeding through that.. i just work on keeping myself well, emotionally & physically now, instead ...

my mother, in the last few years has apologized and wants a relationship with me, which i accept.. (it surprised me that i would..) i have always fought for the attention of my parents.. but, it's also awkward and isn't what you would call a close relationship, but she's good to my children, and that makes it worthwhile.. that they don't know my mother the way i do..

With all of that said, i vowed through life, that when i had children, i would always be there for them, be their voice when they couldn't.. protect them, and let them know that i'm one being in their world they can always, ALWAYS count on to love them, with every bit of my heart and soul.. And that is what i have lived by, in raising them.

Originally Posted by Blade

If you've already raised children and could do it again knowing what you know now, what would you do differently?

i don't think i would do anything differently.. i am not a perfect parent, and i've made many mistakes along the way, but it not only helped me grow as an individual, but also my children too.. Together as a family unit, we are so strong.. i know i have put my absolute ALL into ensuring these 2 children are loved, protected and encouraged to do their best at all times.. They've strong morals, and have grown into responsible, beautiful individuals who are open minded, so loving and compassionate to all human kind no matter race, gender, size, etc.. i couldn't be any prouder than i am today, as a mother and although i would LOVE the experience to go back and parent again - it wouldn't be because i felt i needed to change anything but simply because i'm feeling empty nest coming on some and i miss those lil darlings who held my hand to cross the street and smiled at me through foodstained smiles..

Parenting used to be something i was always scared to fail.. i think because my parents (i felt) failed me often..But i realized over time, it's almost impossible to fail your children so long as you love them from the depths of your soul, let them know that you are there for them, for ANYthing, always and keep striving to show them the path of good, responsible decisions.. They won't always choose that path, but learning life's lessons is necessary for everyone but i'll always be by their side helping them find their way back...

i try not to ever regret decisions i make.. and although i'm not a perfect parent, we work through the problems as a family and take the lesson

Originally Posted by Blade

Did you continue on with anything that your parents did?

No.. but, a lot of my parenting comes from my godmother, Irene.. (RIP).. That woman adored life, saw beauty in the smallest things.. She was an artist, she was big on family, loved her friends dearly and was always well mannered, honest, soft spoken and VERY caring to anyone & everyone in her path.

So, these have been lessons i've passed on t o my children.. to be kind to all those in their path, the importance of family, being well mannered and responsible, authentic.. honest... And though sometimes my children throw me lil curveballs to keep me on my toes and stress me over decisions they've made, in talking with them about their actions (we always communicate things soo thoroughly).. i always feel their morals, and strengths and gentle selves shine through..

i know i've written a book here, i'm passionate about my children and their well being! thanks again for a great topic Blade! ♥

[Toughy]

I say lock them in the closet, throw a bag of cookies in there every week or so...........don't let them out til they are 18 and then put them out of the house.........

[Goo]

Where to begin? Me and my girl have talked about this numerous times. We plan on having kids within the next year or two. I plan on being the one to carry the baby...
As for parenting styles, we plan on raising him/her with an open mind and open arms. I dont want them to feel like they cant come to us with their problems, as we both experienced with our parents. I want to create an atmosphere where they can be comfortable with us.
I dont know if that makes sense...but it sure made sense in my head...

[Bard]

Ok I have a very young very smart daughter she is 7. her bio mom and I split when she was 3.5 Goose s with me every other weekend and I pay support and then some because she is my daughter I want her to have the best we both can provide for her. As for me I am the product of a functional alcoholic and a absent father.. I had a nanny from the time I was one month old and thank god for her and her family because from them I learned unconditional love, my folks split when I was 3 and from my moms side all I ever heard was how rotten my dad was from my dads side of the family how awful my mom was. My dad saw me for a while but then it got to hard I would cry when he would drop me off and he could not take that also one day my step dad backhanded me in front of him and my dad almost lost it. so pretty much my mom handed me off to anyone who would take me. at 9 years of age she drove her car off a cliff and was gone the last thing I ever said to her was I hate you and I never want to see you again. I was then sent to my dad who I had not seen in years and his new wife yeah that did not go well soo off to the grandparents I was sent and then to a foster home at 16. I saw to much at a young age learned I was not wanted and yes there was abuse.

Now when we had Abby I was worried I would not be a good mom but I just try to be like my Mommie2 was to me I tell her I love her every day and that I am proud of her I never say harsh words about my ex in front of her and she know she can call me anytime of the day or night I will be there for her love her support her and never let her doubt for a second that she is loved by me and now By "her Shannon" I am firm with her but we talk it out

Now as for my Dad we have come full circle when I was 18 we had a long talk an I told him things about my childhood that made him cry .. in the time after Abby was born he has been my rock and he loves that child more then anything he is a good man who can admit the things that went wrong

SO I hope C. Louse Long is in heaven looking down and proud of me as a parent
and I know my dad is he tells me all the time