Have you met or know a psychopath/sociopath?

[adorable]

Originally Posted by Nat

I've come into contact with a few where I've wondered. A family friend turned out to be one - he was a successful business man for many years and nobody questioned his character. But then he robbed a bank and was cool as a cucumber afterwards. He was sent to prison and when he got out, he drove down to Houston and shot a man to death, came home and asked his wife to wash off his bloody clothes.

But most sociopaths find more rewards in life by avoiding prison. Unless they happen to be *into* committing certain crimes. Their lives are determined by what they get a kick out of.

My best friend was taken in by one for 5 years, and she is a different person now than she was before. She kept trying to understand his behavior and make it make sense to her because he had painted this picture of a love that she really wanted - but it's not real. He's moved on to other victims now, and she's got her brain back, but it was educational to see. I didn't understand how bad it was at the time, because sociopaths make their victims look like the crazy ones. They themselves are like teflon usually.

It's not just that normal people have a conscience. It's that normal people believe things like, "well, there are two sides to every story, and the truth lies somewhere in the middle." But when one of the two people telling a story is a sociopath, the truth lies nowhere near the middle. And if the victim is calling a person a sociopath or relating to a third party the real goings on - they are likely to sound unbelievable because it just sounds so far-fetched. People don't want to believe that these folks are among us, but they are. Speaking out against them will often backfire, and so their victims learn to keep their mouths shut.

Oh this is SO true! They do make their victims look like the crazy ones. They lie so easily and so cooly - even in the same breath that people assume they didn't mean it. It's human nature to trust people, it's kind of how society works. Without some level of trust it would be hard to function. If you couldn't trust that MOST people follow the rules of the road, or wouldn't break the law, or be able to believe that most people to "mean well" - it would be too dangerous and scary to walk outside. It's that trust that sociopath's exploit. They use it over and over (and sometimes even with the SAME people) - then because they have no moral sense - it doesn't phase them in the least if they get caught. They laugh it off like the person who caught them is making a big deal about nothing. Because they are so glib and good at acting, people actually question themselves and think maybe they are making a bigger deal out of it then they should. Regardless of what the sociopath is doing - which could be anything.

If they get caught stealing money from you, they are likely to say "Remember that money I let you borrow a while back? I needed it back desperately, so I grabbed it. I knew you wouldn't mind."
But, you say, you never borrowed any money from me!
"Oh," they say. "I did! I swear it was you. Just last year! I didn't want to bring it up and make you feel bad."
No, you insist, you didn't borrow money from them.
(The argument is now about whether you borrowed money, not the fact they were caught stealing from you red handed.)
"I SWEAR! You borrowed $300 just last year!," they seem 100% sure. When you again say that you didn't, they suddenly realize that it was someone else that borrowed the money and apologize for the now simple misunderstanding, promising to pay back the missing money with interest.

Which, of course, they never do. Because they don't deny stealing (they don't see it as stealing since they deserve it for whatever reason they've given themselves (even though they know you didn't borrow any money) they know that you will WANT to give them the benefit of the doubt that weren't stealing. So they give you an excuse for their behavior.
Next week it will be something else, and so on....forever, until they are out of your life.

They also consider themselves to be intellectually superior to other people. What they really are - are just schemers/cons who literally spend all day trying to stay five steps ahead of other people for the diabolical plots that no one but them would be insane enough to dream up anyway.

[Thinker]

Interesting material here.

We (mods and admin) want to remind everyone that with topics such as these, some posts can start to feel a little too familiar or personal. We certainly don't want that here.

Continue as you have been....keeping the information private and making sure you (general you) do not discuss people or relationships that others might assume relate to community members.

Thank you!

Thinker (moderator)

[Soft*Silver]

Thanks, Thinker, for the reminder. Who I am about to discuss, is not nor has ever been, part of this or any BF online community.

She was several partners ago.

She told me she was once an ED of a non profit, was once vastly invested in women's issues, had two cell phones, beepers, and even had some form of tracker on her and her vehicle in case she came up missing because of the kind of work she did.

She had gone to NYC for a national conference where she was to be one of the workshop presenters when 911 happened. She had just left the building. She didnt remember how she got out of NYC. When she was recovering from it, she made a decision to slow down her life, and she wanted to sell the house in the country, the house in the city, the cottage in the catskills and just live in a tiny home with her partner, and enjoy a simple life and take on a simpler job so she wasnt working 80 hours a week. 911 made her realize how short life was. Her partner wouldnt let her so she left her and bought a small house/cottage out in the foothills of the catskills on the border of the country.

thats where I met her. She told me she was program director of a non profiit. She owned the land across the street, which was acres of sheep and creeks and meadows. She said she was related to the richest woman on the titanic. She said she wanted me to wear a ring worthy of who SHE was and gave me a 3 diamond ring from Tiffanys. She said she had had a team of draft horses. She said she built on the beautiful addition to her cottage by herself. She said she had stocks and bonds. She said she had a best friend who she had never dated. She said she and this ex from the 911 period had been together for 7 years. She said she had been to Ireland. She said she went there a few times. She said she was a skilled equestrian and jumper. She said she.......

none of it was true. None. Not a single solitary word. I was with her for 8 months and in that eight months my sense of reality was so altered *I* became delusional. I literally could not tell fact from fiction. She had worked such a number on me that I went on to another relationship where this relationship marred my ability to "see" and "believe" and I was absolutely delusional about things in that relationship. I could not trust him and what he said and who he related to in our life together.

it is one of the reasons why I am not in a relationship now. I realized this the longer I was away from being in a relationship and the healthier I got. And the longer I was in therapy,I realized, that ontop of my own issues, that particular relationship with the sociopath had created in me a delusional way of interacting within a relationship. I have been working HARD at fixing that. Trust me, you dont get over that just by leaving that kind of relationship. And I am coming clean publicly about it because I know some of you have had that kind of relationship. If you havent gotten help, do so. Its affected you more than you realize.

I dont know where that sociopath is now. I hope she hasnt taken on anymore hostages but I am sure she has. She is charming, can be entertaining, and obviously alluring. I wasnt her first victim. I talked to that ex of hers she was supposedly with for 7 years. LOL. Try less than 6months. And she had been a client of hers! <gasp> and she had to take a restraining order out against her. And she had known about women before her, and since her.

Again, this person is NOT anyone from this site or any BF site. So dont go knocking your heads trying to figure out who she is.

I hope someone comes out with a book dealing with the people who have been affected by the sociopaths. Now THAT would be a best seller!

[Blade]

yes I know a few some family, some children of friends or coworkers. I can't think of anyone that I'm friends with or am around daily that is though. Guess that is a good thing. I don't have good patience for that sort of stuff.

[Kenna]

Originally Posted by softness

...........

I hope someone comes out with a book dealing with the people who have been affected by the sociopaths. Now THAT would be a best seller!........

Chicken Soup for Survivors of Psychopaths/Sociopaths?