7 Rules for Building Safer/Saner Online Communities

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by nycfembbw

One of the things that I fell for (an old site, member not part of this site) was to think that someone was "safe" to loan money to in their crisis because they were a frequent poster for years. I felt that the person was so entrenched in the community that they wouldn't disappear. I'd also been "friends" with the individual for years, despite never meeting. After wiring a large sum of money upon the person's desperate request, the person DID disappear and never paid me back or contacted me again. I think that some people groom others with the eventual plan to use them. It's easy to feel comfortable with people who we see every day on the site, to want to quickly jump in and help someone who claims to be on the edge of something terrible happening and is asking for money. I realize now that it's never good to get too comfortable.

Raising my hand too. Same story. Someone who I had seen posting for years. Someone everyone seemed to like. I had never talked to ANYONE individually for the 10+ years I was on that site until her. Large sum of money. She didn't disappear, but I didn't tell anyone, either. Anyone. Just in case her reasons for not being able to pay me back were true...you know, I didn't want to ruin her rep! I guess I believed the reasons she couldn't pay it back "just then" too b/c she wasn't the one who wanted to end the online romantic connection. However, even though I was the one that ended the connection, I have a very strong suspicion she wouldn't have paid me back, anyway. (It is not like she still doesn't have my snail mail address!).

Sure wish someone would have said something who noticed our connection. No way in hell I was the first person she did this to. Not that this was anyone's job, of course, but it would have saved me a HECK of a lot of heartache (on many fronts).

I was embarrassed about it. I am not anymore.