7 Rules for Building Safer/Saner Online Communities

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Peach

I dont think there is a single one of us who doesnt have some horror story from online weirdos, I know I do! Way back from the day sof IRC chat, up to the threats from being a former moderator, it has all served to make me VERY cautious in online "friendships" I dont even friend someone on Crackbook, unless I have met them in real life. I didnt go to bashes, because of the threats I received in the past, finally got past that, but I am still not good at putting myself "out there" for all to see!

I think this is so sad. For people to get so worked up over something they post, for cryin' out loud, that they take it out on the mods when they are reprimanded or warned is ridonculous.

This is a good example of why I don't like people.

[Peach]

Originally Posted by Gemme

I think this is so sad. For people to get so worked up over something they post, for cryin' out loud, that they take it out on the mods when they are reprimanded or warned is ridonculous.

This is a good example of why I don't like people.

I agree, but there is noone else TO take it out on, the mods are the ones doing the warning, banning etc.....and most often they refuse to take responsibility for their own ass-hatted-ness. Quite a few would, but they were the rare ones!
I was told more than a few times, not to show my face anywhere public, that I stood a good chance of having it removed!

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Peach

I agree, but there is noone else TO take it out on, the mods are the ones doing the warning, banning etc.....and most often they refuse to take responsibility for their own ass-hatted-ness. Quite a few would, but they were the rare ones!
I was told more than a few times, not to show my face anywhere public, that I stood a good chance of having it removed!

I'm such a pain the ass, I'd show up just to see if they would try something.

[violaine]

i just accidently repped peach on "ridonculous."

sorry, gemme.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by violaine

i just accidently repped peach on "ridonculous."

sorry, gemme.

Share the rep love.

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by Peach

I agree, but there is noone else TO take it out on, the mods are the ones doing the warning, banning etc.....and most often they refuse to take responsibility for their own ass-hatted-ness. Quite a few would, but they were the rare ones!
I was told more than a few times, not to show my face anywhere public, that I stood a good chance of having it removed!

Peach, this is horrible! However, I do know people that actually have been physically assaulted here by other members. Although, it happened before the Planet existed.

Again, this happens everywhere, but, it is hard to take in because The B-F community (and all of its diversity) goes through so much in our everyday lives. Then there is the between the lines nonsense that can on in posts when people have falling outs. Middle and HS mentality just goes on- nothing can stop it. Best to ignore it- and sometimes using the Ignore feature is the way to go. Why even read the garbage.

[Daywalker]

Originally Posted by Peach

I agree, but there is noone else TO take it out on, the mods are the ones doing the warning, banning etc.....and most often they refuse to take responsibility for their own ass-hatted-ness. Quite a few would, but they were the rare ones!
I was told more than a few times, not to show my face anywhere public, that I stood a good chance of having it removed!

This is a perfect example of the dangerous types Online.

Don't think I'll have to deal with that as a Mod over there,
you know...since everyone is over here now


I am glad you didn't let that keep you n yours from Dallas.
We would have never met you, and you are indeed a Peach in person.

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by Gemme

I'm such a pain the ass, I'd show up just to see if they would try something.

Oh, Gemme- sometimes you way crack me up!

[Peach]

Anyway, I appreciate all measures taken to assure the safety and integrity of the site. Too bad some have to try to ruin things for others.

[Andrea]

You all make me happy I am just this side of anti-social and don't get into these situations or even know they are happening.

I am sorry to hear how many hurtful people there are out there.

Andrea

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Chancie

*snip*There were times when it was challenging to PM someone I didn't really 'know'. There was a time or two when the femme was sort of pissed off with me, and I decided it was more important to share what I knew than to worry about my dignity. *snip*

You are pretty damn fly...

----------------
In the interest of not making another post:

I think that for me I wouldn't have been taken advantage of if I had not been in the emotional space that I was personally in at the time. I wonder if this rings true for others, as well?

[Bard]

Add me to the taken for a ride folks more of the emotional type but she got me good as quite a few of you know and I thank god for all the good kind wonderful support from folks here.. and I also remember the support when I was in that bad accident people I have never met before came to see me in the hospital.. AS a law enforcement officer I am a cynic don't trust and I am way to protective. To the Amazing folks that made this safe place for those that keep it that way I thank you . yes I have been moderated a couple of times when I was a BAD BOI but it was done with respect... predators are out there yes but I just hope that we don't close our hearts

[Nat]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

You are pretty damn fly...

----------------
In the interest of not making another post:

I think that for me I wouldn't have been taken advantage of if I had not been in the emotional space that I was personally in at the time. I wonder if this rings true for others, as well?

There was a How Stuff Works podcast on cults where they said basically the most common factor among cult members is that they encountered the cult during a traumatic time in their lives like a divorce or death in the family. I think there's a similar parallel for other not-so-great situations - though anybody with an open, generous or trusting nature can run into that sort of trouble.

For many people it may just be a case of:

"Being that I flow in grief, the smallest twine may lead me."

-Leanato, Much Ado About Nothing

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

You are pretty damn fly...

----------------
In the interest of not making another post:

I think that for me I wouldn't have been taken advantage of if I had not been in the emotional space that I was personally in at the time. I wonder if this rings true for others, as well?

Chancie IS fly

I do think the last part rings true more often than we'd like to admit. I think that our emotional states can sometimes blind us to the red flags - and even more, there are folks out there who are super skilled at picking up on that wounded energy.

People who are going through breakups, health issues, major family crisis, etc. need to be especially careful about seeking out comfort with people who may see that as an opportunity to fuck them over.

I'm so thankful knowing that the people out there with good intentions far outweigh those folks with ugly hearts. <3

[DomnNC]

Here's a few links that I found to be quite useful in the event of cyberstalking, how to stay safe online, how to gather info to pursue legal action if you are harassed, cyberstalked and if it carries over into offline how to handle that as well. The Stay Safe Online site has tools to check your pc for free to make sure it's secure and you aren't a prime candidate for identity theft due to hacking. Heck you can check it all out on the websites, they are well worth reading just for the knowledge.

Stay Safe Online
http://www.staysafeonline.org/

Cyber 911 Emergency
http://www.wiredsafety.org/cyberstal...ent/index.html

The National Center For Victims Of Crime
http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?d...cumentID=32458

Stalking Laws by State (this is up to date as of Jan/2010, but could be current for your state, you'll just have to click the link to see or simply google "YourState Stalking Law" or "YourState Cyberstalking Law")
http://www.ncvc.org/src/main.aspx?db...te_Statutes117

If someone is sending you threatening emails or obscene material/pics be sure to save them, tons of info about the sender can be garnered by email headers that have info embedded that the typical user never sees or doesn't know how to look for it.

Have fun and be safe all.

[Martina]

Originally Posted by Medusa

People who are going through breakups, health issues, major family crisis, etc. need to be especially careful about seeking out comfort with people who may see that as an opportunity to fuck them over.

i know this sounds heartless, but sometimes people going through those kinds of crises are the ones who hurt others. i think it explains a lot of behavior that would otherwise be inexcusable. They are sick or in pain or . . . .

It's the only way i understood what happened. i just had to put it down to that. One of the problems with these situations is how much they make you judge your own ability to tell if people are OK or not. i think there usually are red flags. But i don't just want to befriend people who don't need friends, people who look or seem perfect. Who is anyway?

It's also sad that, if you are badly burned, you almost stereotype. i mean the next time you encounter a person with characteristics similar to those of the person who harmed you, it's going to make you pause. It's crazy. i am thinking of things like age, disability status, mental health issues, even interests. i think that sort of thing happens when you are badly burned. And it's sad. It makes you so much less open.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Martina

It's also sad that, if you are badly burned, you almost stereotype. i mean the next time you encounter a person with characteristics similar to those of the person who harmed you, it's going to make you pause. It's crazy. i am thinking of things like age, disability status, mental health issues, even interests. i think that sort of thing happens when you are badly burned. And it's sad. It makes you so much less open.

Absolutely. I hate to admit it, but I now pause when I hear of spousal abuse because that's part of the ploy used on me by someone. They were in a relationship and hy was being abused by hys wife. The information I had seemed plausible, but everything looks plausible from 3500 miles away in retrospect.

[Sachita]

wow wow oy vey I bet there are lots of good reality shows huh? lol its true we have all had our fair share of deception and drama from those we forge friendships with even in our own community. Goddess knows I've dealt with some winners and my mouth should be deformed for as many times I stuck my foot in it.

The truth is that it would be so fucking nice to network, trust, partner, love and share. I get really lonely for community but after a few attempts you start seeing flags or one day you hear these stories about yourself that just aren't true.

I do know that good people sustain and they are always around not ships passing in the night. People that are no on the up and up eventually burn enough bridges, exit or attempt to reinvent themselves. Every now and then one slips through the cracks and even the wisest of person overlooks things. Compassion is sometimes a masochist and even when we know we might get burned we move forward.

But I'll tell you this... I'd like to see someone tell me I can't show my face or lift a hand to me. lol- that would have to be an insane person not playing with a full deck.

A few years back i get this email from a BF person making all these claims about what kind of person I am. lol- I didn't have a clue who this person was. I never defend myself against insanity. I simply open the door and tell you to see for yourself.

No one can ever act as judge and jury because the truth is we all have our own agenda, as it should be. Me, I look a bit closer, move slower and cherish the relationships I have. If I can help any human being I will. It's just that simple but I won't put my own ass on the line doing it.

[Admin]

*bumpity bump*

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Yep! I’m guilty of having been suckered in the past for the ‘sob’ story– no longer suckered now, thankfully, lol! I’m a lot more cautious now and wait for the person to prove themselves – their actions speak louder than their words. I’ve never sent anyone money, nor will I.

When I meet someone in person who I’ve met online I ALWAYS have a friend or family member near by in case I need them – we have a pre-arranged signal I give should I feel uncomfortable and want to go home.

I have a separate email from my personal one for online friends to contact me. Only once trust and a genuine relationships has been established (romantic or platonic), then I give my personal email address.

Since it’s not viable to produce medical certificates to prove that some of us are indeed genuine, the only advice that seems to work is firstly; no matter what medical condition a person says they have, no-one should ask for money. Also, if a person is not genuine, over a short period of time inconsistencies normally appear very quickly.