being disabled....

[Soft*Silver]

tramadol is a waste of energy to open my mouth to even take it. it does nothing, nothing, nothing for me. I get sent home with a script for it like its suppose to be my miracle drug. I would rather drink again that rely on that shit. Seriously. Self medication is better than dealing with doctors in denial about my pain.

My surgery is Monday and I was told I am going to get an epideral drip and that they dont kid around with pain.They sent me home with a script for liquid oxycotin. Damn. And yes they know I am in recovery. They asked me if I am responsible. Hell yes. Finally. FINALLY.

While I like my PPC, after this surgery, if my level of pain doesnt go down, I am done with her. The past two years have been traumatic. When I look back on it I cant imagine how I survived the shit I went thru and endured the level of pain I had. It looks like a grainy old black and white film when I think of it...sad...depressing...I dont want another day like that in my Here and Now. I was put thru a bureaucratric crime war to get on SSDI...I feel like I was released as a POW.