Long Distance - How do you cope?

[Silverseastar]

PapaC that clarifies it and makes me feel more hopeful, thank you. You must be committed to her and the relationship and that is something special right there. The idea around shaking up the communication is an awesome one as well. Oh, and I forgot to wave across the water to you! I have dear friends in Sooke and a brother in Victoria.

Scorp that is an awesome story of risk and payoff. It gives a clear picture of the reality in all relationships really. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. But dang if we don't move towards seeing what is there out of fear we may lose out on something amazing. I'm willing to risk that hurt because so far walking away would feel incredibly wrong.

[Goo]

Ya'll are so on the nail about LDR's, being in one myself. I know it's hard as he** to deal with the loneliness that goes along with being in one. I usually try to see my Daddi at least every month or every other month. Right now it's going on 3 months, because of finances. But after my court date in early May, I'll be moving down there to be with her.

Must commend everyone who is in a LDR here, whether it be the next state over, or even across borders. It's a tough thing to do, but the heart wants who the heart wants.

[msW8ing]

Been in a couple LDR's myself. It's the bittersweet of the internet. Meeting all types of people from all walks of life and all over the world. Amazing and astounding to me. Such good advice from everyone. Being the pathetic romantic i am personally. We mailed or collected articles of clothing to sleep with so we had at least one anothers scents to drift off with. It got to be a fun game bartering for articles of one anothers. And it indeed made the phone sex much more personal to have Hys scent with me. Hy worked construction and I always wanted Hys sweaty work tees. (Yes i know i'm a sick puppy) lol But it helped alot. Just my two cents.

[Tcountry]

For the most part I agree with what has been said...
Stay connected however you can(txt, call, Skype, msg, pictures, videos, movie night, voice mail, etc etc). Even get creative with it...cards or 'snail mail' or surprise flowers/gifts...the things that show eachother that u are thinking about them.
Don't get so caught up in the ldr that u forget to do the things that made u happy before u met hym/her(job, family things, doing stuff with friends)...
It is super hard tho...especially after you have spent 'in person' time together...u know what it feels like to wake up together & some days you feel like you would give anything for one touch or kiss or whatever....
On the other hand you have an Awesome opportunity to talk & get to know everything about eachother without getting too "distracted" with the physical...have fun with it. Play 20 questions or the 'what if' game & be honest & learn the things about eachother that no one else knows.
When it is worth it....you'll do just about anything to make it work...but don't forget to just be yourself...

[Silverseastar]

Great advice TCountry, thank you! I think we have "talked" an average of 5-6 hours a day since we've been apart as we can message each other at our workplace. More time talking than many get to have in the same city.

MsW8ing, I can so relate to wanting her stuff with me. She has something of mine but I don't of hers. When I see her next month maybe I can "barter" for something.

CottonCandy- so lucky you can be with your Daddi soon!

We tried Skyping yesterday for the first time and at first it actually made my heart ache all the more that she was right there but not there if you know what I mean. Then after a while it became wonderful to hear her voice and see her facial expressions. I think I'm a convert!

[Darbonaire]

The LD thing is hell...to me anyway...or was rather. My soon to be ex-wife of 10 years couldn't do it. She "needs" someone she can touch & hold.....I can understand & I wish her the best. We lived together for 8 of the 10 years. I certainly am not looking for a lover....LD friendships are great though.......so, if anyone is interested in chatting please do. I would need to BE with someone in person though if I ever get with someone again. Like I said...after living with my wife in the same house for 8 years...the last 2 as LD weren't all that.

I wish everyone success at whatever they feel is best or works for them.

[~ocean]

I have never been in a committed, LDR or *in love * w/ anyone LDR .. i've
been attracted to someone LDR so all I am reading i can't realte to my own personal experience, all i know is that i could have what u all have had. and enough time off from my job to dedicate my time to my someone. I know someday, I might I have that experience. just keep loving all of u )

[Jaques]

Did a couple of years with my girlfriend both me and her back and forth, 600 mile round trip. We spent holidays together too. In the end it wasnt that i couldnt do it, just got fed up with the travelling, so asked her to move in, weve now been together 11 years. Its never easy living with someone else when you are both older, being used to doing things your own way and there are times when you miss that space but we are both happy with our decision and when she goes away to stay with her family a few times a year, i think "yeh, it can do what i like, no one to nag me" etc. I actuallly miss her.

[starryeyes]

I have tried several long distance relationships, the furthest one being on the farthest opposite coast as possible. For me, it was SO difficult. I never had any issues with the person, but I am such a needy girl I struggled with not having them with me to touch, kiss, feel, be lazy with, go on dates, etc.

My partner now, Justin lives in LA and I am in San Diego (130 miles apart). I don't know of most would consider this "long distance" but we couldn't just "be together" when we wanted to be without fighting LA traffic. What worked for us was iChat, yahoo messenger, phone calls. When we are not together, we sleep on FaceTime together or on the phone all night (thank goodness for unlimited mobile to mobile..lol). We talk all day on yahoo messenger or text. We call eachother on breaks or after work. We have done this for a year now. But, she is moving in with me this weekend so now we don't have to anymore! Yaya :-)

The San Diego to LA distance was hard for me too, we broke up several times over it, but ultimately we made it work. Just keep your head up when it gets rough. It takes patience, But you can do it. Look at all of these beautiful testimonies from these amazing people. It definitely is worth it in the end when it does work out.

Smiles!

[LaneyDoll]

Riley and I are in a LDR. Right now, there is approx 280 miles and 4.5 hours between us. When he moves, it will cut down on some of the miles but the travel time will be the same.

We see each other 1-2 times per month, depending on our schedules and finances. Last month, we spend my birthday together and this month, we will have two weekends because my family vacation will happen about an hour from him.

In between visits, we talk/text daily. He calls me on his lunch break & on his way home plus we spend about an hour together on the phone before we say "good night."

Aside from communication, I think that biggest thing that helps me cope is how busy we each are. We both work full time; he is in school full time and I am raising a family. Additionally, we are in a D/s relationship and have a decent amount of rituals in place. These serve as reminders of our commitment and responsibility to each other.

Finally, our relationship had a strong foundation in friendship and I think it as really helped us learn each other and grow together.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I’ve had two LDRs that didn’t work out; both were Trans-Atlantic (USA and Canada). One, when I was in Italy and other living here, 3 years ago. I once vowed never to consider LDRs further than Europe, because it’s cheaper and there isn’t as much travelling; this allows us to see each other more and in everyday situations and moods. Recently, I’ve been listening to my intuition and allowing myself to be open to the possibility of another LDR outside of Europe if/when the right woman/Butch for me comes along…

I want and need intimacy along with open and honest communication; this doesn't just mean sex, but the need to connect, to share my feelings, and for her/hym to share theirs. I’m very touchy-feely and affectionate by nature and literally feel my way through the world and I need to communicate with my partner through touching them; either with a hug, kisses, or simply holding her/hys hand, etc.

In an LDR, it’s very easy to try and be happy and cheerful all the time for my partner, but the reality is, I can’t always be and neither could my partner. Yes, I’m naturally cheerful and happy by nature, yet, there are days when I may feel down, grumpy and bad tempered for whatever reason(s), or I feel hurt by something that’s happened or by someone. The same may apply to my partner and as much as I try to resist confrontation, communicating regularly with my partner and allowing myself and her/hym the vulnerability to see each other like this in everyday life; this also includes arguments and still know that we’ll be Okay, respectful of each other’s needs and have a solid relationship.

Should the relationship reach the stage of living together, we’re going to experience the ‘warts and all’ of each other and there will be times when we’ll argue over something.

This isn’t so easy to do in a LDR where it takes a days travel to be together and then only have one or two weeks together at most before weeks or even months apart.

[Soft*Silver]

I have had a few long distance relationships in my time. That was when I was able to be mobile. I own my own home now and am very close to my family and friends, have my own business and have clubs and hobbies I enjoy here in town. I wont move again. I fell hard in love, twice, with people who lived out west and both wanted me to move to them, and both times, I had to end the romance because I couldnt/wouldnt move. Damn near broke my heart completely. I thought it was awful to have tried a romance and had it fail, but to never get to try one that you are already invested in, to never know if it could have lasted, been "the one", was so much worst...

everyone seems to have covered so much already. I guess the only thing I want to add, is to make sure, that the other person is working just as hard at making things work as you are. I was involved in an LDR where I had to make all the accommodations to make the relationship work. That should have told me how the other person viewed relationships. They had definite committment issues. We werent a match anyways but I was foolish not to pick up on this very important factor. I wanted it to work in the worst way because I was falling so hard for him. So, like Belle said, make sure your heart and your mind are congruent with one another. Dont be lead just by your heart. Make your mind sit up and take notice and make the decisions too...