What's Happening in Austin

[Puplove]

Originally Posted by Arwen

Sounds like a ton of fun, but unfortunately Dwouldn't be able to go.

For real? Is it a "female-identified lesbians only" event?

Exclusion policies push my fairness buttons and stir up hurty feelings from my past, when trying to find my community at the only place I knew of, lesbian bars. Women there would tell me to go back to the straight bars where I belonged. Ouch on the "lesbian-only" judgment swinging around and hurting many.

I don't really think the "safe-from-men space" justification flies at a bar and dance.

Sigh. I hope I'm overstepping and reading too much into it. I hope Arwen's wrong about D not being able to go if he wanted to (then I could finally quit speaking to that hooker).

I hope we (that's the royal "we") are not bringing a new queer social event to Austin that would judge against and exclude half of our community.

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by Puplove

For real? Is it a "female-identified lesbians only" event?

Exclusion policies push my fairness buttons and stir up hurty feelings from my past, when trying to find my community at the only place I knew of, lesbian bars. Women there would tell me to go back to the straight bars where I belonged. Ouch on the "lesbian-only" judgment swinging around and hurting many.

I don't really think the "safe-from-men space" justification flies at a bar and dance.

Sigh. I hope I'm overstepping and reading too much into it. I hope Arwen's wrong about D not being able to go if he wanted to (then I could finally quit speaking to that hooker).

I hope we (that's the royal "we") are not bringing a new queer social event to Austin that would judge against and exclude half of our community.

Well here's their policy:

Trans Policy: F2Ms are welcome at women-only dances as long as they self-identify at the door.

While I understand, that's a bit much for me. It doesn't feel like a good thing.

[little man]

Originally Posted by Arwen

Well here's their policy:

Trans Policy: F2Ms are welcome at women-only dances as long as they self-identify at the door.

While I understand, that's a bit much for me. It doesn't feel like a good thing.

while it's nice to be welcome at a function i don't qualify for, the cover charge seems a bit steep. if it's women-only, then it's women-only, right? which is fine. however, being required to essentially say "i'm not really a guy" is some major suckage.

how about getting about 20 of us guys together to show up, then insist we be patted down at the door?

what is the policy on MtF?

i can see where the sponsoring group is making an effort toward inclusion, toward allowing guys to participate in community functions. but really?

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by little man

while it's nice to be welcome at a function i don't qualify for, the cover charge seems a bit steep. if it's women-only, then it's women-only, right? which is fine. however, being required to essentially say "i'm not really a guy" is some major suckage.

how about getting about 20 of us guys together to show up, then insist we be patted down at the door?

what is the policy on MtF?

i can see where the sponsoring group is making an effort toward inclusion, toward allowing guys to participate in community functions. but really?

I wondered the same thing about the MtF policy. It really does suck to have to self id at the door.

But I really do understand the need for guy-only and gal-only space. I respect that.

I just wouldn't feel comfortable there. No harm. No foul. I hope it's a really successful event!

[little man]

Originally Posted by maryoosa

I'll be in Austin over memorial day weekend---anything fun going on?

always something fun going on here, it seems. keep an eye on this thread would be my advice (that you didn't ask for).

oh, and you had best look me up while you're here. it's been far too long since our paths have crossed.

[canmarielan]

I suppose I didn't think about it either way. Yeah I spoke to the site manager and she said that the person just has to identify themselves as trans at the door. As I am not trans, I didn't know that identifying as trans was a negative thing? Anyway, I understand those of you who don't want to come b/c of that.

Pup...I honestly don't think it's about excluding trans people or being a "female-identified lesbian" ONLY party. It's a party geared toward having women of all ages (though aimed at those above 30), races, classes, sexual orientation come together and have a blast.

Sorry this is causing such a issue, though I don't understand why.

[Ashton]

Originally Posted by canmarielan

I suppose I didn't think about it either way. Yeah I spoke to the site manager and she said that the person just has to identify themselves as trans at the door. As I am not trans, I didn't know that identifying as trans was a negative thing? Anyway, I understand those of you who don't want to come b/c of that.

Pup...I honestly don't think it's about excluding trans people or being a "female-identified lesbian" ONLY party. It's a party geared toward having women of all ages (though aimed at those above 30), races, classes, sexual orientation come together and have a blast.

Sorry this is causing such a issue, though I don't understand why.

Since this club is also patronized by gay men, I believe the "woman only" speaks to that portion of folks, but I could be wrong. I think its just a "Girls Night Out"

[little man]

Originally Posted by canmarielan

I suppose I didn't think about it either way. Yeah I spoke to the site manager and she said that the person just has to identify themselves as trans at the door. As I am not trans, I didn't know that identifying as trans was a negative thing? Anyway, I understand those of you who don't want to come b/c of that.

Pup...I honestly don't think it's about excluding trans people or being a "female-identified lesbian" ONLY party. It's a party geared toward having women of all ages (though aimed at those above 30), races, classes, sexual orientation come together and have a blast.

Sorry this is causing such a issue, though I don't understand why.

would you be willing to say "i'm not *really* queer" to be able to attend?

i don't think the policy is malicious in intent. i think the wording, the asking people to essentially deny who they are is misguided. it's difficult to see how language can affect others if you aren't in the affected group.

[Puplove]

Originally Posted by canmarielan

I suppose I didn't think about it either way. Yeah I spoke to the site manager and she said that the person just has to identify themselves as trans at the door. As I am not trans, I didn't know that identifying as trans was a negative thing? Anyway, I understand those of you who don't want to come b/c of that.

Pup...I honestly don't think it's about excluding trans people or being a "female-identified lesbian" ONLY party. It's a party geared toward having women of all ages (though aimed at those above 30), races, classes, sexual orientation come together and have a blast.

Sorry this is causing such a issue, though I don't understand why.

CM! It's not YOU causing an issue, right?

But the policy does hurt a lot of our peeps. I think it's good to air feelings, opposing viewpoints and our unique experiences; we run the risk of starting to think everyone agrees if we never come up against a difference. Narrows the mind and makes conversations dull after a while.

My own issue is calling up the deep hurt feelings of the "get out of our place, you don't belong" I experienced when trying to go to "lesbian-only" clubs as a young(ish) pup searching for belonging. Plus, I get very squeamish about forcing our trans guys to say "yep, I'm not really a guy," and it hurts my feelings FOR them and us.

It's a fun plan for an event that bumps smack into the cold reality that makes up so much of our world, where you have to fit into an accepted gender or appearance or orientation to be welcomed.

[blush]

[QUOTE=canmarielan;327575][COLOR="Red"]I suppose I didn't think about it either way. Yeah I spoke to the site manager and she said that the person just has to identify themselves as trans at the door. As I am not trans, I didn't know that identifying as trans was a negative thing? Anyway, I understand those of you who don't want to come b/c of that.

Pup...I honestly don't think it's about excluding trans people or being a "female-identified lesbian" ONLY party. It's a party geared toward having women of all ages (though aimed at those above 30), races, classes, sexual orientation come together and have a blast.

Sorry this is causing such a issue, though I don't understand why. [/

It's a lesbian dance, lesbian space. I respect that. It is offensive(however well intended) to ask a trans person to "identify" themselves. Requiring that anyone announce such personal information is offensive. Especially when only a certain group must make the disclosure. Are they checking to see if everyone is gay? There is a HUGE difference between SELF disclosure and required disclosure to attend a dance. You remove a person's agency when you make it mandatory that they announce it.

Honey, I love you and I respect you very much. Please understand that I'm trying to get you to think about this in a different way. It is certainly not a personal attack.

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by canmarielan

I suppose I didn't think about it either way. Yeah I spoke to the site manager and she said that the person just has to identify themselves as trans at the door. As I am not trans, I didn't know that identifying as trans was a negative thing? Anyway, I understand those of you who don't want to come b/c of that.

Pup...I honestly don't think it's about excluding trans people or being a "female-identified lesbian" ONLY party. It's a party geared toward having women of all ages (though aimed at those above 30), races, classes, sexual orientation come together and have a blast.

Sorry this is causing such a issue, though I don't understand why.

Honey, the only thing is that the policy says to self-id at the door. That's denying an FtM the right to be the man they are.

And, how are they going to prove it? Drop their pants?

(thinking of volunteering now...)

But yeah, I think women-only space and man-only space is awesome. I just think the way they say it is kinda icky.

BUT! We can have it all!

We can party for BBQ at Glyneice's. Then those that want to go party to some awesome music with some fabulous women can. And those that don't can stay and play games.

SO there! We can have it all in Austin.

And DrSassyPants and Maryoosa too!