Open Letter: Dear Femme

[imperfect_cupcake]

I just wanted to put in this photo, just published today about steel workers in Sheffield during WWII...

This picture really speaks to me about how *I* am feminine and the things *I* enjoy. And that - I know the picture is staged for the journalist of the time - but that she is dressed the way she is, with heels, doing something she loves and supporting her family by doing so - and contributing to the needs asked of her...

few things make me feel "right on sistah!" but this pic really does.



I don't think of this job as masculine and therefor more valued. I think of the unacceptance of femininity to BE there and how hard it is to be taken seriously when I do the same thing (well, not fixing a tank. though my god, I would LOVE to) wearing my own femininity.

One of the biggest achievements, for me, was changing the bearings in a 4x4 drifeshaft, in the jungle, and not cutting my nails to do it. and I didn't break one. And I wore daisy flip flops. my symbols of femininity while I do something someone thinks I shouldn't be doing, while I'm doing it, is my happy "fuck you. I'm all fluffy a cute and I can do it better than you can, @sshole." to those it seems bizzare to.

and she's not all pin up about it either. rock!

[Bit]

I like this picture! Thanks very much for posting it, honeybarbara. It might have been a posed photo, but she sure looks like she knows exactly what she's looking at and exactly how to fix it.

I think it's amazing you changed the bearings in the driveshaft without breaking a nail!

At this point in my life, doing anything without breaking a nail is an accomplishment for me. I never knew they could get so... well, so careworn. I guess I know what that word means now in a way I didn't used to. And I know something else, too; I know that my nails are more a symbol to me of my femininity than I thought they were.

It's really ironic that a huge marker of femininity, bleeding, is what caused the problems with my own personal symbol of femininity, my nails. They're weakened from anemia. Who knew?! It would probably help if I kept them polished--another one of my personal markers of femininity--but they're in dishwater every day and I hate chipped nail polish with a passion. *wry smile*

[imperfect_cupcake]

it does suck, doesn't it. I had to give up my nails. I've now got a much sorter version and they ok at "sport" length. But when I went to kuala lumpur and looked at the nail art... the nail designs were far beyond anything I had ever seen before. it was like the gals had little cakes on their fingers. The expressions of them made my heart ache I wanted a set so bad.

Inki felt bad for me so she took me to a hair clip store and I bought about equal to £5 worth of jeweled and decorated and cutesified hair clips (which in maylasian was A LOT). She also wanted to buy me a few fabulous false eyelashes (long ones with blue feathers and gems) but I thought it was getting out of hand.

I'm so glad she understands me and knows how to help me find replacement parts for things I can't have that are expressive of who I am... she helps me pick out shoes, eyelashes, hello kitty hair clips, make up... it so HELPS to have that kind of interest in my femininity in a partner.

If there are things that helps make up for your nails, indulge. seriously.

Plus nail treatments can help. I have hideously weak, peely nails. there's stuff I can get that helps, I just don't always remember to put it on *eyeball roll at self*

[Bit]

To the very sweet friend who clued me in: Thank you, I will try that!

Her advice for my nails? Prenatal vitamins, half of one a day. Hey, maybe it'll give me back my symbol, eh?

Honeybarbara, I hadn't thought of "replacing" my nails with other feminine symbols, but yanno, it's coming on time to replace my hair scrunchies--I almost always wear my hair tied back--and maybe it would be a really good idea to choose prettier ones this time. I really hadn't thought of that, thank you--and thanks to your sweetie for thinking of it, too!

It's odd, how symbols of femininity are so important to me. I didn't expect this... I guess when my nails were long and strong and my hair was still blonde and my skin was young, I took it for granted that I didn't have to worry about "looking feminine enough." Now that age and anemia have taken a toll, I find that unless I "look feminine enough" it badly affects whether or not I feel sexually attractive.

I don't think that my outward signs of femininity should be so strongly tied to whether or not I feel sexy---sexy should be about being female, which is the reality of my body, NOT about looking feminine, which is basically society's images (and images to me are illusion, not reality)--but I honestly don't know how to untie the two things. To me, looking feminine by society's standards is required before I can feel sexy.

This is REALLY disconcerting for an old feminist like me. I really don't like it. *wry look*

[christie]

Bit -

I struggled for the majority of my life with feeling feminine. Its not hard to see the conundrum when you look at what society called "pretty" - 5'2" "barbie doll" blond haired, blue eyed, tanned, petite lil thangs. At 6'1, redheaded and blue eyed, pale white skin that burns at the mere mention of the sun. Well, I always felt so out of place.

It took a good number of years to come to the self-realization that my femininity and feeling sexy came needed to start on the inside. It certainly didn't hurt that redheads became "in". It didn't hurt that I am more comfortable in beautiful heels/stilettoes with great legs.

Over the years, my "fuck what everyone else thinks" attitude has really made me find my sense of self and sexiness. I am just as sexy in a killah dress and heels, a power suit, or in a pair of baggy basketball shorts, tank top and do-rag (my weekend home project attire). I have to decide that I am sexy. I can't let anyone or anything decide that for me. That is my power and mine alone.

In as far as the "symbols" of femininity, I admit that keeping my nails done is a priority for me. I have long, thin hands (7 1/2" from tip to base) and I feel positively undone without them. I can palm a basketball or grab an octave on the piano and without my nails manicured and polished, I feel like I have "man hands". That and lovely shoes are probably my only two "symbols."

Darlin', get up and look in that mirror and tell yourself that you are sexy. You are pretty. You are smart. You are (fill in the blank). Literally do this. Its amazing after a while that you will begin to believe it.

Christie

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by christie0918

Bit -

I struggled for the majority of my life with feeling feminine. Its not hard to see the conundrum when you look at what society called "pretty" - 5'2" "barbie doll" blond haired, blue eyed, tanned, petite lil thangs. At 6'1, redheaded and blue eyed, pale white skin that burns at the mere mention of the sun. Well, I always felt so out of place.

It took a good number of years to come to the self-realization that my femininity and feeling sexy came needed to start on the inside. It certainly didn't hurt that redheads became "in". It didn't hurt that I am more comfortable in beautiful heels/stilettoes with great legs.

Over the years, my "fuck what everyone else thinks" attitude has really made me find my sense of self and sexiness. I am just as sexy in a killah dress and heels, a power suit, or in a pair of baggy basketball shorts, tank top and do-rag (my weekend home project attire). I have to decide that I am sexy. I can't let anyone or anything decide that for me. That is my power and mine alone.

In as far as the "symbols" of femininity, I admit that keeping my nails done is a priority for me. I have long, thin hands (7 1/2" from tip to base) and I feel positively undone without them. I can palm a basketball or grab an octave on the piano and without my nails manicured and polished, I feel like I have "man hands". That and lovely shoes are probably my only two "symbols."

Darlin', get up and look in that mirror and tell yourself that you are sexy. You are pretty. You are smart. You are (fill in the blank). Literally do this. Its amazing after a while that you will begin to believe it.

Christie

The funny thing is.....I'd kill to be taller and to have red hair! To each their own, yes?

I agree with most of your line of thinking except one thing....the 'standard' ideal for who/what is beautiful is aimed more towards those in the middle of the height chart....around 5 foot 4 or 5 foot 5, I think. At least, as someone who is 5 foot one and a half inches tall, that is my experience. It's assumed that I am not strong because of my lack of height, which, I do understand is instinctual. The tallest, strongest, prettiest mate is the one that is typically chosen (depending on the particular species).

Has anyone ever noticed the switcheroo that occurs between the animal kingdom and us humans? There, it's the male and masculine that is the most colorful and designed to catch a potential mate's eyes, but the reverse is true for us in that the female and feminine partners are the ones to use color and bright and shiny things to catch our partner's attention.

[Bit]

It swings back and forth, Gemme--there have been times in history when men were QUITE the peacocks; I think Elizabethan times were one of them. Also, I think maybe other cultures than ours allow for more showiness in men.

Christie, my feminist mind totally gets it... tis something deeper at work in me, I guess, something I haven't figured out yet, that makes these symbols of femininity so important to me. My hands aren't mannish, but to me without long polished nails they look ugly and then I feel less feminine. It's REALLY disconcerting to understand this about myself. I don't want these things to be tied together, and I thought I had succeeded in UNTYING them... but here I am again. *rueful smile*

[Kate09]

Originally Posted by christie0918

Bit -

I struggled for the majority of my life with feeling feminine. Its not hard to see the conundrum when you look at what society called "pretty" - 5'2" "barbie doll" blond haired, blue eyed, tanned, petite lil thangs. At 6'1, redheaded and blue eyed, pale white skin that burns at the mere mention of the sun. Well, I always felt so out of place.



Christie

I've so often felt the exact same way. And for myself, i need to add my weight to this list...bc so often i feel that fat cant be pretty or feminine.

This is something i heard one day that made me SO happy to be a femme tho.. gotta love it.

[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Q7IzwUa_kI"]YouTube- To all of the kick ass, beautiful fierce femmes out there...[/nomedia]

[Lillie]

great clip..I enjoyed it..and hy is fabulous!