Breaking up

Apocalipstic · 05-19-2011, 09:30 AM

I think sometimes the grief we feel is for how we wish the relationship had been.....even if we were the one to walk away.

Grief for the good times, the good parts, the person you loved but maybe just are not, for what ever reason, compatible with any more.

Grief that the picture you had for your life was not real.

Grief that you have to start over.

Grief that you look at yourself differently.

Grief.

Merlin · 05-19-2011, 04:28 PM

Heartbreak.

It's happened to me every time .. And it feels like a little piece of my heart dies when a relationship fizzles out.

Quintease · 05-19-2011, 05:08 PM

Friends of mine and I have experienced the 'losing three months' phenomenon. When you walk around in a daze for 3 months and come out the other end as though it began the day before. I came out of one once to discover I was already in another relationship! What a mistake that was

There is never anything nice about breakups with someone who you once loved, adored and cherished. I'm hoping I'll never have to go through another ever again.

T4Texas · 05-20-2011, 05:09 AM

I think you absoloutely do go through a grieving process. It's because of the loss and the knowledge that you won't be seeing that person again or sharing those little things you used to do on a daily basis. I think when breakups are ugly, with lots of hurt feelings, slanderous accusations and such, the grieving process is shortened as feelings of love can turn to hate pretty quickly. But even then, there is still that element of loss. I believe we go through three phases. First sadness, then anger and finally a kind of realization settles in that we are moving on which is the real goal. One thing is for certain, that time takes care of it all.

Apocalipstic · 05-20-2011, 08:18 AM

Sometimes I ask myself it is worth it.

Quintease · 05-20-2011, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Sometimes I ask myself it is worth it.

Absolutely! Every person who has walked into my life has changed it in some way. I wouldn't be the person I am or have the life I do had I stayed with the first person who loved me. I regret nothing

actually that's a lie, I regret one or two but hey, silver lining and all that

Apocalipstic · 05-20-2011, 10:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quintease

Absolutely! Every person who has walked into my life has changed it in some way. I wouldn't be the person I am or have the life I do had I stayed with the first person who loved me. I regret nothing

actually that's a lie, I regret one or two but hey, silver lining and all that

Ha, we posted at same time. Agreed! I have gained something from all of my over 2 month relationships lololol.

No regrets! I need that! Thank you Q!

blackboot · 05-20-2011, 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by T4Texas

I think you absoloutely do go through a grieving process. It's because of the loss and the knowledge that you won't be seeing that person again or sharing those little things you used to do on a daily basis. I think when breakups are ugly, with lots of hurt feelings, slanderous accusations and such, the grieving process is shortened as feelings of love can turn to hate pretty quickly. But even then, there is still that element of loss. I believe we go through three phases. First sadness, then anger and finally a kind of realization settles in that we are moving on which is the real goal. One thing is for certain, that time takes care of it all.

This really resonates with me. I had a sixteen year relationship end. Ugly would be an understatement. I took time for myself. I sought out counseling and found a wonderful Therapist. I stayed single--on purpose for nearly five years. Time did take care of it and I learned about myself and that I had to "do the work." That hard stuff about loving yourself before you attempt to love another. I met that wonderful someone on the dash site and now am having the healthiest relationship I have ever had. Optimist? Probably. But it took time and work.

Jar · 05-20-2011, 09:34 AM

For sure! You grieve for lost dreams, love that you have to watch die, the feeling that you were loved ... you miss the person. I'm going through it now and some days it feels like I'm trying to quit smoking. It's like I'm going through withdrawals from it all. It's miserable!

Sorry Merlin!

Apocalipstic · 05-20-2011, 10:01 AM

Therapy, exercise, having great friends around, getting things accomplished all seem to help.

My mother died when I was 13 and I survived, so breakups..while painful...are not going to destroy me or make me not have a heart. I try to look at it like we each learned from each other what we needed to and now its time to go on the next chapter. Heart even bigger for having loved.

So yes, it's worth it...but definitely worth looking at ways to keep out of trouble without resorting to a hostage situation girlfriendship. At least not right this second.

ruffryder · 08-24-2011, 11:25 AM

I do agree that when there is a breakup (especially when you're with someone for awhile and you thought they were "the one") that you will grieve. It is normal. I think with this grieving period it is important to get a closure. Talk to the person if you can, understand why it didn't work. Take time to accept it. Take time for yourself. Take time to realize their mistakes and yours and move on from it growing and learning and being a better person. It doesn't mean you have to close yourself off from the world, family, and friends, but it does help to take time for yourself and figure out what went wrong and be okay with moving on. It takes time. It will make you a stronger person and in time you will be ready to open your heart again to experience and love.

cinderella · 05-20-2011, 08:37 AM

I'm so sorry, Merlin...but I know just how that feels. I've been thru it so many times now, I don't have a heart anymore...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merlin

Heartbreak.

It's happened to me every time .. And it feels like a little piece of my heart dies when a relationship fizzles out.

05-19-2011, 09:30 AM	#1
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,362 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I think sometimes the grief we feel is for how we wish the relationship had been.....even if we were the one to walk away. Grief for the good times, the good parts, the person you loved but maybe just are not, for what ever reason, compatible with any more. Grief that the picture you had for your life was not real. Grief that you have to start over. Grief that you look at yourself differently. Grief. __________________

05-19-2011, 04:28 PM	#2
Merlin Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Knight in shining armour. Relationship Status: Spoken for Join Date: May 2011 Location: England Posts: 250 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 87 Thanked 547 Times in 170 Posts Rep Power: 6763778	Heartbreak. It's happened to me every time .. And it feels like a little piece of my heart dies when a relationship fizzles out. __________________ https://youtu.be/IWvEXChflEE

05-19-2011, 05:08 PM	#3
Quintease Member How Do You Identify?: Rainbow femme Preferred Pronoun?: princess Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 514 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 508 Thanked 1,817 Times in 417 Posts Rep Power: 10560327	Friends of mine and I have experienced the 'losing three months' phenomenon. When you walk around in a daze for 3 months and come out the other end as though it began the day before. I came out of one once to discover I was already in another relationship! What a mistake that was There is never anything nice about breakups with someone who you once loved, adored and cherished. I'm hoping I'll never have to go through another ever again. __________________ It is not worth an intelligent person's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.

05-20-2011, 05:09 AM	#4
T4Texas Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: Ready to play again! Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 233 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 436 Thanked 647 Times in 167 Posts Rep Power: 6739721	I think you absoloutely do go through a grieving process. It's because of the loss and the knowledge that you won't be seeing that person again or sharing those little things you used to do on a daily basis. I think when breakups are ugly, with lots of hurt feelings, slanderous accusations and such, the grieving process is shortened as feelings of love can turn to hate pretty quickly. But even then, there is still that element of loss. I believe we go through three phases. First sadness, then anger and finally a kind of realization settles in that we are moving on which is the real goal. One thing is for certain, that time takes care of it all. __________________ Chivalry is when you meet a woman you would rather die for, than live with.

05-20-2011, 08:18 AM	#5
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,362 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Sometimes I ask myself it is worth it. __________________

05-20-2011, 09:34 AM	#9
Jar Member How Do You Identify?: TG Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He, him, da bomb... Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Up and to the right Posts: 610 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 869 Thanked 2,341 Times in 534 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	For sure! You grieve for lost dreams, love that you have to watch die, the feeling that you were loved ... you miss the person. I'm going through it now and some days it feels like I'm trying to quit smoking. It's like I'm going through withdrawals from it all. It's miserable! Sorry Merlin!

05-20-2011, 10:01 AM	#10
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,362 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Therapy, exercise, having great friends around, getting things accomplished all seem to help. My mother died when I was 13 and I survived, so breakups..while painful...are not going to destroy me or make me not have a heart. I try to look at it like we each learned from each other what we needed to and now its time to go on the next chapter. Heart even bigger for having loved. So yes, it's worth it...but definitely worth looking at ways to keep out of trouble without resorting to a hostage situation girlfriendship. At least not right this second. __________________

08-24-2011, 11:25 AM	#11
ruffryder Senior Member How Do You Identify?: FTM Preferred Pronoun?: guy ones Relationship Status: ... Join Date: May 2011 Location: chillin' in FL Posts: 3,690 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,951 Thanked 9,679 Times in 2,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I do agree that when there is a breakup (especially when you're with someone for awhile and you thought they were "the one") that you will grieve. It is normal. I think with this grieving period it is important to get a closure. Talk to the person if you can, understand why it didn't work. Take time to accept it. Take time for yourself. Take time to realize their mistakes and yours and move on from it growing and learning and being a better person. It doesn't mean you have to close yourself off from the world, family, and friends, but it does help to take time for yourself and figure out what went wrong and be okay with moving on. It takes time. It will make you a stronger person and in time you will be ready to open your heart again to experience and love.