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#1 |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Daddy's good girl Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Jersey
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Thanked 12,293 Times in 5,185 Posts
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May 28
Estranged After long years I have made my own acquaintance, friendship is on a far distant shore. I know who I am and can recognize myself on the street or in a crowded room. I have a legitimate sense of wariness of the afore mentioned persona, nothing too nasty, just a discomfort. She is not someone I would bring home, maybe not even share a meal with but I can stand her, minus intimacy, minus any deep empathy. I feel an awkwardness in acknowledging her, strange as this might sound, she is no one to be ashamed of, not a truly bad actor and yet the reports say she doesn’t live up to her potential and I have it on personal authority that she actually surpasses it on most days and keeps this a closely held confidence. And there it is, I know her secrets but I don’t keep her. This is what makes me strange and her stranger. Catch your reflection in the eyes of a friend * THE ONE I BOUGHT There are fairy tales I never gave credence to Multiple bear stories don’t move me Cats with footwear have not warranted a second thought. True love----------- Now that one I still buy Hook line and sinker. Work hard--------- And true love will fix the rest That is what I have always believed. The evil spell I have walked under During my sad little life will be broken Only by the durable and fulfilling love of my betrothed. Each time this plan fell through The blame was left to the wrongness of the match But not the wrongness of the plot . Anytime I work to be restored to sanity by one person I have displaced a rightful power And thrown myself to the sea.
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#2 |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Daddy's good girl Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Jersey
Posts: 16,642
Thanks: 2,529
Thanked 12,293 Times in 5,185 Posts
Rep Power: 21474868 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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May 29
Queens: More than a Borough My drama is bigger than yours. My drama can kick your drama’s ass. Well maybe not, but it sure is kicking mine. Like a rain soaked grave, I stand in this muddy hole, sides slick, unassailable and count the piles of tragedy ,all the while knowing it will bury me not facilitate a climb out. I attempt to display the face of comedy and yet the mask can not fool me, my true audience. I think if I can keep it all up on stage I will be alright, but then the point of theater is that everything is carried away in the minds of all who come and watch. Silence doesn’t help either for there is little worse than a bad mime and doing it well just makes me Lillian Gish. So, back to Bohemia for isn’t it all a rhapsody, though it would all be so much better if Freddy Mercury weren’t dead. String your dreams together and let them fly * HOSTAGE DOLL A doll stands wedged between two mailboxes Naked and exposed, The edge of the road passing her by. She is there to pay for my self-loathing I throw my treasures in the air As skeet to be shot and shattered. Hate is the obnoxious microbe Which sours my digestion And rids me of nutrition and affection. I purge love and tenderness I rip the covers from my playthings And leave them to bleed. I hide in my self-destruction I put garish displays streetside And cry my tears alone. I cannot ransom to pay the price of fear I must bring in the broken babies And put hate out on the curb.
__________________
Clicking on these dragon eggs will take you to my new erotic novella: Dragon Bait ![]() ________________________________________________ Please take a look at my work ![]() To look at my Daddy/girl erotica book ![]() |
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#3 |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Daddy's good girl Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Jersey
Posts: 16,642
Thanks: 2,529
Thanked 12,293 Times in 5,185 Posts
Rep Power: 21474868 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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May 30
RAID !!! So, you stepped into a hornets nest and now how am I to respond? Blame you? No, I don’t think so, I mean you are the exterminator and some stings are to be expected, but this is far beyond even your honed ability to anticipate wasps. Cry, running from this ambush? Again, I decline I still want you after the war is over, even if I can not fight by your side. Protest, I try to refrain, I never want to make your job harder but I don’t want to leave the impression I have no concern, so I walk the fine line. Standing on the sidelines is harder than you think, I am helpless and lonely, not as exciting as your work and no comfort from this distance. I must hold my breath while you provoke the bees. Stack your honest intentions as a hedge against a cold winter * TROJAN PERSON I feel confused by the difference between love and war The intensity and rush are too much For my frazzled and betrayed emotions to sort out. I feel like a Trojan person I have all these children holdup inside And they are waiting for peace and safety So they can come out and sleep For a time I allowed them to leave For bathroom breaks one at a time This was not a workable solution. When these tykes would have a look around They started to set fires and break hearts Each child makes life a battleground Fights and claws her way across the living landscape. I must heal my insides from the center of my thoughts Not send fragments of me to blend With the unfamiliar and hostile world Only when I can stand together With my mind and heart safe within my being Will I see a way to make love on my own terms And leave war alone.
__________________
Clicking on these dragon eggs will take you to my new erotic novella: Dragon Bait ![]() ________________________________________________ Please take a look at my work ![]() To look at my Daddy/girl erotica book ![]() |
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#4 |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Daddy's good girl Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Jersey
Posts: 16,642
Thanks: 2,529
Thanked 12,293 Times in 5,185 Posts
Rep Power: 21474868 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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May 31
Black & Dedication The brand of equipment endorsed by my Higher Power is built so that my hand is clasped inside lest I feel alone or unaided. A closed mouth and an open mind work very well when I can manage either of them and Step 10 works when I can’t. I am usually the problem in my life but I am always the solution. Others may change and contribute; I am the one and only one, responsible for my happiness. Dropping blame from my vocabulary and adding responsibility, learning to differentiate between what is mine and what is yours; these tools are keys and they open worlds of possibility to me. Also they shut out the demons of wrong thinking, wrong acting and desperation, which used to plague me. There are still greater tools I yearn for but like everything I must be patient and build my muscles to handle the heavier machinery. Dine with hope * GULPING The plug that lodges in my throat From too much, too fast Causes the anxiety to rise in me. The panic fills my contracting muscles Into rock solid revolt. I can’t live, is the predictable result Gulping attention, acclaim, excitement, sex, Does the same thing My heart clots and my personality stops in mid-flow Everything in carefully chosen, well chewed bites Makes the process proceed My life works along workable paths If I stay away from oversized freight I can never swallow myself whole Why would I keep trying to imbibe giants like desire?
__________________
Clicking on these dragon eggs will take you to my new erotic novella: Dragon Bait ![]() ________________________________________________ Please take a look at my work ![]() To look at my Daddy/girl erotica book ![]() |
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#5 |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Daddy's good girl Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Jersey
Posts: 16,642
Thanks: 2,529
Thanked 12,293 Times in 5,185 Posts
Rep Power: 21474868 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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June 1
I’m not Brian I thought life was based on a system of ‘I will suffer and that will exempt you’. Then I would be horrified when you suffered, after I had already done so ahead of you. In an attempt to ease my dismay I would look to see who had broken the pact, you or me. Had I not endured sufficiently to protect you? Had you left the safety of the umbrella of sanctuary? Panic gives birth to blame and blame of course births nasty biting things that run loose and bury in all the tender spots. Now, the goals I tend are to end the breeding of those sharp and painful beasties, stop laying my neck upon the alter and start telling better jokes. Scramble cracked perceptions * DANCE OF DEATH Honeyed words pour from lips Shades of doubt color my mind Stained glass eyes look to blank walls And picture the gallery of imagination Attempting to sell it for hard currency Sirens sing from the throats of mute men The screams which rise in me fall on deaf ears Paradox feeds controversy but it needn’t Evolution from a cesspool is repugnant Though process is steady made Inertia is violent if that is from whence it came Afterbirth is always bloody and humans not always nice I must live and heal as others climb up and slide down I must keep the beat and forget the dance of death.
__________________
Clicking on these dragon eggs will take you to my new erotic novella: Dragon Bait ![]() ________________________________________________ Please take a look at my work ![]() To look at my Daddy/girl erotica book ![]() |
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#6 |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Daddy's good girl Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Jersey
Posts: 16,642
Thanks: 2,529
Thanked 12,293 Times in 5,185 Posts
Rep Power: 21474868 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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June 2
The Attention Tax Paying attention is the price exacted for living in this society. A taxation which is like a leach; it takes the life force, diverts my brain waves, claims the water rights to my river of thought. What is left I use to wash off what I can, never quite managing to feel clean or clear. I sit in the mud puddle still unsure if I understand what just happened; harboring a dark fear of the wave to come. Cultivate creative ambition * BOTTLE THE ACID My sponsor said “bottle the acid” and I did I sat back in smug reflection until the plumbing backed up I grabbed the fast solution and poured it down the drain. My sponsor smiled as I learned ---- The baser things will eat my life away too. I can never just decant power and expect it to clean sweep The clogged pathways in my recovery. Sloshing caustic medicine into open orifices brought me here I long for the ease of a liquid resolution In the end, I must clean the pipes myself. The traps are simpler to cleanse the less I’ve lied Telling myself I don’t have to get my hands Or heart dirty is the biggest lie of all.
__________________
Clicking on these dragon eggs will take you to my new erotic novella: Dragon Bait ![]() ________________________________________________ Please take a look at my work ![]() To look at my Daddy/girl erotica book ![]() |
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#7 |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Daddy's good girl Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Jersey
Posts: 16,642
Thanks: 2,529
Thanked 12,293 Times in 5,185 Posts
Rep Power: 21474868 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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June 3
Soul Chiggers If you can seed apprehension deeply in a generation, you can reap disillusionment for a hundred years. Bent foresight twists hindsight. Admiring ignorance, signs death’s warrant. Evil splintered to a thousand slivers burrows under the skin without killing their host. Death delayed spreads destruction along with melancholy; a septic contagion if ever there was one. And how do we fight this systemic blight? It is embedded in the water, the air, the mind, and try what I might; I can’t seem to live without any of these. Chiggers of the soul feed and breed no matter how I scratch and chew. I am raw, but still infested. How do I kill what is in me without killing the me? Step up to indecision * THE WORM Because there is never enough punishment For those who inflict pain, I punish myself Only I can tell if the depth of the pain is a match Only I can judge when enough is enough. This is the turn of the drunken worm-- Who lives in my brain The belief that what began in pain Must end there too. Even now in recovery I persist in hurting myself In a thousand tiny ways, setting trap after trap, To catch the perpetrators, making my heart a mine field A place unfit for me to live I must sober the worm And let myself off the hook.
__________________
Clicking on these dragon eggs will take you to my new erotic novella: Dragon Bait ![]() ________________________________________________ Please take a look at my work ![]() To look at my Daddy/girl erotica book ![]() |
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The Following User Says Thank You to LeftWriteFemme For This Useful Post: |
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Tags |
12 step recovery, acoa, al-anon, alcoholic, alcoholics anonmyous, coda, on-line meeting |
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