If You Could Turn Back Time, What Would You Do Differently?

JustJo · 06-03-2011, 08:31 AM

I would have left my family of origin sooner, rather than stuck around trying to "fix" it.

I would have gone into counseling/therapy younger rather than older.

I would have grabbed onto the pain and worked through it, instead of avoiding it so long.

Gráinne · 06-03-2011, 09:10 AM

This is also a deep subject for me.

It has taken a long time, but I believe that if I'd done everything "right", or according to what I was "supposed" to do, I would not be the strong woman I am now, and would not have met the people I've met or had the experiences I've had. Even with its challenges and uncertainty, I feel a hell of a lot happier and alive than some of my friends with the white picket fences and 2.5 kids. I like my scrappiness and quick thinking, all born out of hard times.

I don't regret marrying my husband, because without him I would not have my beautiful children. He was, and is, a good man and a good father. I only wish I had not hurt him. I hope that anyone whom I have hurt through my actions and decisions has long forgiven me.

Do I regret dropping out of college the first time I went? I did, for a long time. Now I realize I was there not for myself but to please my father, and that would never work. I was miserable in my field. It was only after much work on myself that I went back to a school I loved and got into a field that thumps with my very life force. Later still, I got into teaching-in China, of all places. All of that would not have happened if I'd done things "right".

Gradually, I learned not to regret decisions I've made. I tell myself that I made the best choice I had, given the information I had then. For instance, when I was growing up, being gay was simply not an option in that place and time. It's really hard to combat that feeling when it's either a sickness of the soul or a mental illness (that was what we were taught). Who could blame me for feeling I "had" to marry? It simply was not open and more accepted as it is now.

I try not to think in terms of "mistakes". I think life is all one big lesson, and if you don't take risks, you don't drink champagne.

Deborah · 06-03-2011, 09:37 AM

I would have thought more and spoke less

MsTinkerbelly · 06-03-2011, 10:11 AM

I would have exercised the patience that my sign is known for...yepper, that is it.

I'mOneToo · 06-03-2011, 12:06 PM

Not a thing. Not the mistakes, and certainly not the joys.

i could have maybe been a little more insistent that doctors take headache complaints more seriously, but in the final analysis even those were a gift

Andrew, Jr. · 06-03-2011, 12:24 PM

I trust others, including my bio-family, too easily. If I could go back and change anything, I would not be so trusting. All it has done is cause me heartache & tears...lots of tears.

Ciaran · 06-03-2011, 04:11 PM

I wouldn't have studied too hard and went to university for law degree etc. I've have entered work after school, roughed it out and learned a lot more than in a university / academic environment.

I wouldn't have got involved in and caught up in politics and paramilitaries at an early age.

Wouldn't have spent money on beer and women ... I'd be retired now

06-03-2011, 08:31 AM	#1
JustJo Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: pushy broad Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Follow your heart; it knows things your mind cannot explain. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Southeast corner Posts: 5,633 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 24,417 Thanked 25,404 Times in 4,660 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I would have left my family of origin sooner, rather than stuck around trying to "fix" it. I would have gone into counseling/therapy younger rather than older. I would have grabbed onto the pain and worked through it, instead of avoiding it so long. __________________ I'm not tall enough to ride emotional roller coasters

06-03-2011, 09:10 AM	#2
Gráinne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?: My name always works Relationship Status: Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Little Rock Posts: 1,864 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,117 Thanked 7,386 Times in 1,457 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	This is also a deep subject for me. It has taken a long time, but I believe that if I'd done everything "right", or according to what I was "supposed" to do, I would not be the strong woman I am now, and would not have met the people I've met or had the experiences I've had. Even with its challenges and uncertainty, I feel a hell of a lot happier and alive than some of my friends with the white picket fences and 2.5 kids. I like my scrappiness and quick thinking, all born out of hard times. I don't regret marrying my husband, because without him I would not have my beautiful children. He was, and is, a good man and a good father. I only wish I had not hurt him. I hope that anyone whom I have hurt through my actions and decisions has long forgiven me. Do I regret dropping out of college the first time I went? I did, for a long time. Now I realize I was there not for myself but to please my father, and that would never work. I was miserable in my field. It was only after much work on myself that I went back to a school I loved and got into a field that thumps with my very life force. Later still, I got into teaching-in China, of all places. All of that would not have happened if I'd done things "right". Gradually, I learned not to regret decisions I've made. I tell myself that I made the best choice I had, given the information I had then. For instance, when I was growing up, being gay was simply not an option in that place and time. It's really hard to combat that feeling when it's either a sickness of the soul or a mental illness (that was what we were taught). Who could blame me for feeling I "had" to marry? It simply was not open and more accepted as it is now. I try not to think in terms of "mistakes". I think life is all one big lesson, and if you don't take risks, you don't drink champagne. __________________ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

06-03-2011, 09:37 AM	#3
Deborah Member How Do You Identify?: queer femme Preferred Pronoun?: Babydoll is a start.... Relationship Status: Mrs. Livingston 4/20/2013 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville where my heart belongs... Posts: 611 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,451 Thanked 1,454 Times in 276 Posts Rep Power: 14676215	I would have thought more and spoke less __________________ "Slow to trust but I'm quick to love, I push too hard and I give too much, I aint saying I'm perfect, but I promise I'm worth it" "The Good Within Me Honors The Good Within You"

06-03-2011, 10:11 AM	#4
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,902 Times in 5,017 Posts Rep Power: 0	I would have exercised the patience that my sign is known for...yepper, that is it.

06-03-2011, 12:06 PM	#5
I'mOneToo Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: left of right Relationship Status: right of left Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ]centered[ Posts: 321 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 587 Thanked 513 Times in 184 Posts Rep Power: 2132875	Not a thing. Not the mistakes, and certainly not the joys. i could have maybe been a little more insistent that doctors take headache complaints more seriously, but in the final analysis even those were a gift

06-03-2011, 12:24 PM	#6
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	I trust others, including my bio-family, too easily. If I could go back and change anything, I would not be so trusting. All it has done is cause me heartache & tears...lots of tears.

06-03-2011, 04:11 PM	#7
Ciaran Member How Do You Identify?: Altocalciphilic Preferred Pronoun?: Papa Smurf Relationship Status: Curmudgeonous spinster Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: London (but from Belfast) Posts: 678 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 471 Thanked 3,654 Times in 602 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I wouldn't have studied too hard and went to university for law degree etc. I've have entered work after school, roughed it out and learned a lot more than in a university / academic environment. I wouldn't have got involved in and caught up in politics and paramilitaries at an early age. Wouldn't have spent money on beer and women ... I'd be retired now