What does the "B-F Dynamic" mean to you?

[Jess]

Originally Posted by Strappie

I'm trying to write something and I'm not a writer as most of you all know. *smirk* So I thought what better place is there?

Also a friend of mine wanted me to explain to her what the Dynamic meant to me. I couldn't really put it into any good words. I told her how I felt but I didn't think I gave it a good representation.

What does it mean to you?

Howdy Scrappie! You write just fine! I would love to hear what it means to you as well.

For me, I see it as an attraction dynamic between women whom identify as butch attracted to women whom identify as femme. And vice- versa. Pretty much sums up the simple definition for me.

Now.. that said, I agree with honeybarb and others above in that identifying myself as a butch woman, does not attach itself to any specific "role mechanics" nor do I see femme attached to any specific mechanics. Read: Butch doesn't just take out trash. mow yard ( although this butch enjoys those things) and femme does not mean " keep away from power tools" because my femme mate is handy as hell. it doesn't mean "butch= breadwinner/ femme= homemaker".. because it is exactly the opposite in our home.

I don't apply "butch-femme" to gay men as I have yet to meet any whom have identified with those terms. If I do, then I shall.

I don't apply this term to heterosexual couples because ( for me) it seems redundant or silly.

I don't apply this term to FTM's ( whom have transitioned and claim the id of "man" or "male" ) as they are no longer in (in my opinion) "butch", they are man/ male.

For me, this works best. May not be the same for others.

[Strappie]

Originally Posted by Jess

Howdy Scrappie! You write just fine! I would love to hear what it means to you as well.

For me, I see it as an attraction dynamic between women whom identify as butch attracted to women whom identify as femme. And vice- versa. Pretty much sums up the simple definition for me.

Now.. that said, I agree with honeybarb and others above in that identifying myself as a butch woman, does not attach itself to any specific "role mechanics" nor do I see femme attached to any specific mechanics. Read: Butch doesn't just take out trash. mow yard ( although this butch enjoys those things) and femme does not mean " keep away from power tools" because my femme mate is handy as hell. it doesn't mean "butch= breadwinner/ femme= homemaker".. because it is exactly the opposite in our home.

I don't apply "butch-femme" to gay men as I have yet to meet any whom have identified with those terms. If I do, then I shall.

I don't apply this term to heterosexual couples because ( for me) it seems redundant or silly.

I don't apply this term to FTM's ( whom have transitioned and claim the id of "man" or "male" ) as they are no longer in (in my opinion) "butch", they are man/ male.

For me, this works best. May not be the same for others.

Thanks Jess,

I do identify as Butch but I haven't given up my woman card either. I guess I am still a woman that's Butch. Some of my friends just don't understand the B-F Dynamic. I have so many Fem on Fem friends it's hard for them to see this. They ask questions without assaulting me and sometimes I just don't have the answers I feel as though is a good representation.

So I guess I'm just trying to listen and hear others explanations.

I will give you my explanation of it in a few.. Biggest Loser is on... lol

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by HeartBreak Kid

For me, I LOVE the butch femme dynamic....and it is more to me than the apperance or "duties" that femme/butch implies..
The only way I can explain it is to talk about the connection in terms of "energies" my energy is firery and it seeks out a cooling energy. While I have dated Femme women as well, it seems that I find that "coolness" more often in butches.
For me the dynamic is often spiritual in that I feel like I am balanced regardless of who picks up the check or opens the door. *now I DO enjoy having my doors opened and someone to take out the trash, but thats isnt what I am attracted to in the B-F dynamic.
Now every butch and Femme is diffrent, but there is a unique "swagger" that draws me in like a moth to a flame....
A few years ago there was a song that had a verse that kinda sums up how I feel about the butchh femme dynamic....

I'm a movement by myself.
But I'm a force when we're together
I'm good all by myself.
But baby you, you make me better
~You Make Me Better ft Ne-Yo by Fabolous~

Please excuse all spelling and gramatical errors as im typing while half asleep......

Energy is probably the best identifier for this dynamic for me as well. Through the years, terms and phrases and words have floated around to describe the B-F dynamic....yin/yang.....the dance....complementary energies....etc.

I think they are all correct. Each partnering is individual and rarely follows the exact same parameters. I know I have it when I feel it. It's like a strong wind blowing through a valley of trees. Some days I'm the trees. Some days I'm the wind. But there is always that syncopation; that rhythm of movement.

[Strappie]

Originally Posted by Gemme

Energy is probably the best identifier for this dynamic for me as well. Through the years, terms and phrases and words have floated around to describe the B-F dynamic....yin/yang.....the dance....complementary energies....etc.

I think they are all correct. Each partnering is individual and rarely follows the exact same parameters. I know I have it when I feel it. It's like a strong wind blowing through a valley of trees. Some days I'm the trees. Some days I'm the wind. But there is always that syncopation; that rhythm of movement.

Heartbreak Kid and Gemmie,
thank you to me this is what I was looking for. Gemmie I have to agree about some days I'm this and some days I'm that... But there is always that syncopation; that rhythm of movement.Thank you!!

HB...

Hi btw it's been a long time since I've seen you around. It's good to see you!! I don't disagree with your explanation at all either I believe that we are who we are with each person that comes along.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Hi straps!

I think so too.

I'm really thinking about this. of course I can't answer for anyone else... only me and my expereinces.

every relationship, including butch-butch, femme-femme, non-ID-trans, kitchensink-genderqueer, is going to have a type of ying/yang, back-forth, tidal, mixing and moving of "energies."

I still am of the opinion that it's because of what/whom I'm attracted to, not the actual relationship dance, that's the distinction.

answer something for me straps... why do the femme-femme friends of yours "not get" your relationship? what's "not to get?" it's a relationship between people who care about each other.

Are they questioning your attractions? what exactly are they not "getting." I have plenty of non-butch-femme couple friends and it's not that they "don't get it" in that they don't understand my relationships... it's that they "don't give a shit" to most of a degree what my relationships are and that they "don't get" why I want only one kind (to them) partner. they don't care mind you, it's just not within their realm of expereince and they don't care enough to ask me about it - mostly.

when explaining it, it hasn't been me explaining the "butch-femme dynamic" as I don't think it's a universal, so why bother. However, it *has* been me explaining that my primary attraction is for X with a choice of varients in 1 through 600 different possibilites.

To be super honest, the only people I've run into in the past 7 years interested in the whys of butch-femme or even a particular ID has beeen those within the group in question.

Or newly out/very young

what exactly did they say to you that made you feel you wanted to explain your relationship dynamics with your girlfriends to them? (not an attack, just a wonder/sincere curiosity)

Nice to see you!!

[Strappie]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

Hi straps!

I think so too.

I'm really thinking about this. of course I can't answer for anyone else... only me and my expereinces.

every relationship, including butch-butch, femme-femme, non-ID-trans, kitchensink-genderqueer, is going to have a type of ying/yang, back-forth, tidal, mixing and moving of "energies."

I still am of the opinion that it's because of what/whom I'm attracted to, not the actual relationship dance, that's the distinction.

answer something for me straps... why do the femme-femme friends of yours "not get" your relationship? what's "not to get?" it's a relationship between people who care about each other.

Are they questioning your attractions? what exactly are they not "getting." I have plenty of non-butch-femme couple friends and it's not that they "don't get it" in that they don't understand my relationships... it's that they "don't give a shit" to most of a degree what my relationships are and that they "don't get" why I want only one kind (to them) partner. they don't care mind you, it's just not within their realm of expereince and they don't care enough to ask me about it - mostly.

when explaining it, it hasn't been me explaining the "butch-femme dynamic" as I don't think it's a universal, so why bother. However, it *has* been me explaining that my primary attraction is for X with a choice of varients in 1 through 600 different possibilites.

To be super honest, the only people I've run into in the past 7 years interested in the whys of butch-femme or even a particular ID has beeen those within the group in question.

Or newly out/very young

what exactly did they say to you that made you feel you wanted to explain your relationship dynamics with your girlfriends to them? (not an attack, just a wonder/sincere curiosity)

Nice to see you!!

HB...

Well my friends and I are a very close group and they are learning along with me learning from them. For instance, in the last 6 months I've taken more of my friends "Shopping" to help their sex life with their partners. I love it, it's fun for me to teach my friends about the "Adult Toy" world, mainly "strap-ons." It's like a new world for them. We are very open about sex, relationships and life. We talk about things that my guess is some people wouldn't touch. So when they ask me what it is about the dynamic that makes it so wonderful for me, it's like I freeze and can't come up with the words.

Like how do you go about explaining to someone new that you'd like to date what your preferences are in sex, in life, in a relationship? Those are some questions that come up.

Sorry it's hard for me to express myself. Sometimes so many things come into my head and I can't always scrabble them to make it come out the way I need it to. (things I'm working) *smile*

[Strappie]

SuperFemme.....

Make me smile. Lavish me in your laughter. Split open your pain and bleed on me. Hold me whilst I bleed on you. Make me feel safe in a way that only you can. Surrender and let me love you....

Because nobody knows how many licks it takes to get to the center. Of anything.


Well said!!!

[SuperFemme]

I agree with the energy qualifier. Some energies compliment each other and draw out that ying/yang thing that poets keep trying to describe. There are not words that can nail it quite right.

Intellectual intercourse, is first for me. The dance of the b/f dynamic can vary and evolve for me, because it is always a new and different thing. Swagger...somebody mentioned it. I cannot capture the essence of that swgger but I know it when I see it. Cocked eyebrow, eyes that have conversations with my soul without ever uttering a word. Oh. Yum.

I don't care for the stereotypes that some attribute to the b/f dynamic. It is crazy to me to try and bottle up and sell something that cannot be replicated without ownership.

Make me smile. Lavish me in your laughter. Split open your pain and bleed on me. Hold me whilst I bleed on you. Make me feel safe in a way that only you can. Surrender and let me love you....

Because nobody knows how many licks it takes to get to the center. Of anything.

[labete]

Originally Posted by Gemme

Energy is probably the best identifier for this dynamic for me as well. Through the years, terms and phrases and words have floated around to describe the B-F dynamic....yin/yang.....the dance....complementary energies....etc.

I think they are all correct. Each partnering is individual and rarely follows the exact same parameters. I know I have it when I feel it. It's like a strong wind blowing through a valley of trees. Some days I'm the trees. Some days I'm the wind. But there is always that syncopation; that rhythm of movement.

This is largely how I feel about it, too. Complementary energies that, for me, give a kind of balance that works for me and reinforces my energy. I find that I naturally seek a kind of balance, and if the person I'm with is too much like me, my balance can be thrown off.

When I had my first female lover, she was very feminine, and I found myself feeling the yin side of me rise more, which (for me, myself, and I, not remotely speaking for anyone else here) subdued my yang in a way that makes me feel less true to myself. I don't like that feeling.

It's not about who opens the door or takes out the trash or cooks or washes, although such acts can be symbolic of the energy exchange if they are meaningful to the people engaging in them. It's about finding someone whose energies balance mine in a way that supports me being true to myself. For me, that means someone whose yin is more prevalent than their yang, and I find that in butches.