Stone Femme?

[atomiczombie]

I have heard various definitions of stone femme, so I am wondering what it means for you ladies.

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I have heard various definitions of stone femme, so I am wondering what it means for you ladies.

I didn't know that 'stonefemme' was an ID until a friend told me that I was one. I had been struggling mightily with some really horrible guilt about what I couldn't do in bed. When I finally spoke about it out loud to my friend she was not only non-judgmental, she gave me a key that helped me finally understand something essential about myself. It wasn't an easy ID for me to claim at first.

My own manifestation of stonefemme is very much a part of my leather sexuality. I'm a masochist, and sexually submissive. As I noted above, I'm strictly a catcher, never a pitcher. That's very much tied up with sexual submission for me.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

I didn't know that 'stonefemme' was an ID until a friend told me that I was one. I had been struggling mightily with some really horrible guilt about what I couldn't do in bed. When I finally spoke about it out loud to my friend she was not only non-judgmental, she gave me a key that helped me finally understand something essential about myself. It wasn't an easy ID for me to claim at first.

My own manifestation of stonefemme is very much a part of my leather sexuality. I'm a masochist, and sexually submissive. As I noted above, I'm strictly a catcher, never a pitcher. That's very much tied up with sexual submission for me.

Yeah I only pitch and don't catch, so I hear ya. I used to ID as a stone butch, but now that I know myself better as a transguy, there really isn't an ID to go along with it it seems. No one really talks about being a stone transguy, that I have heard.

[cuddlyfemme]

I'm a stone femme and am very proud of it. I never realized that I was a Stone Femme untill I was in a relationship with a Stone Butch. When I found out what a Stone Butch was and what a Stone Femme was, I suddenly felt comlete. It seems to be hard to find a single Stone Butch, but I keep hoping that one will come along

[Red Dirt Girl]

Yes, complete. I felt so much freedom and relief and joy the day I was able to stop thinking of myself as a "bad lesbian" and start knowing myself as a stone femme.

Originally Posted by cuddlyfemme

I'm a stone femme and am very proud of it. I never realized that I was a Stone Femme untill I was in a relationship with a Stone Butch. When I found out what a Stone Butch was and what a Stone Femme was, I suddenly felt comlete. It seems to be hard to find a single Stone Butch, but I keep hoping that one will come along

[smouldering]

This has been a very interesting thread and i've enjoyed reading it greatly.

I used to identify as a stone femme when i first came onto the scene, but after learning more about myself and those that i am attracted to, honestly i would have to say i am more of a "fluid" femme. I have dated both Stone and not and never felt that i was missing something if that makes sense? when i am in love with someone and with them, it all seems to fall into place, i want them to feel good and feel confident in our relationship and in their body, if my partner is comfortable with me touching their nipples or going down on them then ok, however if they are not comfortable with it and prefer that i touch them anywhere else but in certain places, then i am fine with that too, its all about what works for us in our dynamic. I find that it is hard to explain really but I try lol.. all in all I am just me and find that there are several little niches i can find at least something that relates to me

[Martina]

i have had all kinds of sexual relationships with women. i am currently a bottom/sub and am sexually available to my Dominants. My limits are few.

However, one of the other kinds of sexual relationships i have had frequently over the years is as a stone sexual Top. i like to fuck girls. If i meet someone and they are not a Top and we have sexual chemistry that we want to act on, i fuck them. They do not fuck me. These are usually femmes. i am not attracted very often to butch bottoms. Or if i am, they are switches and not bottoming to me.

i like fucking girls A LOT. Every once in a while one will BEG to fuck me, and i will do it. It's fine. It's not like i am squicked. It can even be fun. But it's not what i am in it for with them.

i like these relationships a lot. They feed me. i have in a number of cases never even gotten naked in this kind of relationship. i really like these girls. i like the dynamic.

i am clearly NOT a stone femme Top, but i do have those boundaries in certain kinds of connections. They feel right. And the girls like it.

[ScandalAndy]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

Yeah I only pitch and don't catch, so I hear ya. I used to ID as a stone butch, but now that I know myself better as a transguy, there really isn't an ID to go along with it it seems. No one really talks about being a stone transguy, that I have heard.

Many of the transmen I know are "stone" while exploring their sexuality in relation to their transition. Although they may not identify as such, their behavior and discomfort with manipulation of their genitalia suggests a stone mindset.

[ScandalAndy]

Okay, so I'm going to come right out and be blunt about this since I"m confused and need a straight answer about this. I apologize for any discomfort my brevity may cause, but I can assure you I am coming from a place of curiosity and not animosity.


So, a stone butch is one who does not want physical stimulation of their genitals, and a stone femme is someone who receives genital stimulation but does not stimulate their partner genitally. Is this correct?


What if there is a butch or a femme who doesn't want to give or receive stimulation?

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by ScandalAndy

Okay, so I'm going to come right out and be blunt about this since I"m confused and need a straight answer about this. I apologize for any discomfort my brevity may cause, but I can assure you I am coming from a place of curiosity and not animosity.


So, a stone butch is one who does not want physical stimulation of their genitals, and a stone femme is someone who receives genital stimulation but does not stimulate their partner genitally. Is this correct?


What if there is a butch or a femme who doesn't want to give or receive stimulation?

Yes and no. That could be a very basic example of what a Stone Butch and Stone Femme could be, but there are many layers of what Stone is and is not. Some have different boundaries as to WHAT bits can and cannot be touched. Also, there are femmes who are Stone who do not want to be touched either. They are the pitchers, so to speak.

For me, Stone means that there are boundaries in the way one likes to be touched (and not always just sexually). For some, those boundaries are finite and do not and will not change. For others, it depends on their partner as to what they are and are not comfortable with. For still others, they have some touch that do not allow and some that they do and still more that is fluid.

Stone is not something that you can look up in the dictionary and say "Aha! This is it EXACTLY!" because it is individualized and just doesn't work that way. There are general guidelines, but it always comes down to the person. ASK him/hym/hir/her/ze what they do and do not allow. If you had 100 Stones in a room and asked each of them what Stone means to them in terms of touch and what is and is not allowed, you will get some repeat answers but there will be far more highly individualized answers, I assure you.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I have heard various definitions of stone femme, so I am wondering what it means for you ladies.

For me, being Stone means, in part, that I prefer to partner with either a Stone Butch or a Transguy. There are certain ways to touching my partner that are just not comfortable for me, so I do not engage in them. The kind of Stones and Transguys I have partnered with get that and don't want that kind of touch anyway.

Stone is not attached to my partner, though they may claim it as their own. Stone is me. My boundaries. My choices. My love. My sex.

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by Gemme

ASK him/hym/hir/her/ze what they do and do not allow.

I agree 100%. I have always employed this practice when I begin to explore things with a new partner. I would rather ask than possibly insult. Besides, I think it takes the stress off someone when you say "please tell me how you prefer for me to touch or not touch you" rather than wait for them to broach the subject. There are ways to ask that are not mood breakers and I think those few moments spend make for a more fulfilling experience.

[ScandalAndy]

Originally Posted by Gemme

Yes and no. That could be a very basic example of what a Stone Butch and Stone Femme could be, but there are many layers of what Stone is and is not. Some have different boundaries as to WHAT bits can and cannot be touched. Also, there are femmes who are Stone who do not want to be touched either. They are the pitchers, so to speak.

For me, Stone means that there are boundaries in the way one likes to be touched (and not always just sexually). For some, those boundaries are finite and do not and will not change. For others, it depends on their partner as to what they are and are not comfortable with. For still others, they have some touch that do not allow and some that they do and still more that is fluid.

Stone is not something that you can look up in the dictionary and say "Aha! This is it EXACTLY!" because it is individualized and just doesn't work that way. There are general guidelines, but it always comes down to the person. ASK him/hym/hir/her/ze what they do and do not allow. If you had 100 Stones in a room and asked each of them what Stone means to them in terms of touch and what is and is not allowed, you will get some repeat answers but there will be far more highly individualized answers, I assure you.

Thank you for this response. Admittedly, I ask and explore with partners as that ends with less disappointment and frustration so don't worry, I promise I'm not tromping all over people's comfort levels.

As I was reading this thread I kept seeing over and over people saying "when I found out I was a stone femme" or "when I learned what these words meant" but there wasn't any sort of explanation of what that meant for those of us who weren't quite sure. I didn't know if there was some magical definition out there that I hadn't found yet.